Welcome to 2015!  Two quick illustrations followed by a simple point.

Two business partners have a strong working relationship.  The senior partner is considering readjusting the equity splits for the business to benefit his junior partner BUT before he can initiate the conversation his junior partner asks for a greater stake in the business.

Parents take their children to Disneyworld and have agreed upon an amount of money that each child will receive to spend in the parks BUT before the parents can disburse the money one of the children points out that they are typically given money on a trip and wonders how much she might be receiving this time.

Sometimes you are excited to be generous BUT before you present your gift the recipient asks for it. This steals part of the joy of giving and you are left with a choice.

Here are three options:

1) Tell the person you had planned to give her a gift so that she knows you were already anticipating doing this before being asked.

2) Give the gift to the person without saying anything, knowing he may think that the gift is being given because he asked for it.

3) Change your mind and refuse to give the gift because your joy has been stolen and you are resentful of being asked.

Here's my suggested fourth option: Give the gift as planned.  Feel free to mention that you had been thinking about this gift and are excited to meet this need in this way.  Then, if appropriate, take the opportunity at a later date to share this experience with the other person from your perspective, helping her to see that sometimes being a bit more patient will result in a better experience all around.  She will receive a gift without asking and you will be joyful about giving without having been prompted.

But there's one more point: Sometimes you need to anticipate that the other may be wondering if he should ask.  The partner may think it has been some time since an adjustment has been made and that you had talked about possibly making this adjustment at some future point.  The vagueness of that conversation has left your partner wondering if and when an adjustment will be made.  The child may be a planner and may be wondering if she needs to bring her own cash or if she will be receiving cash to spend.

Sometimes you need to anticipate what the other may be feeling or thinking and express your desire to bless before you can be asked.  I remind team leaders that when they are dealing with high-performing employees they need to reward these performers before they feel they need to ask for additional responsibility or compensation.