Recently I spoke to a group of stay-at-home moms.  I was making the point that much of what they do on a daily basis will not be remembered, but that their investment of time and love is producing real value and lifelong benefit.

  

For example, in the case of these mothers they are losing professional ground to their peers that they will never recover, while gaining hours of direct influence in the lives of their children that will never be lost.

  

The problem comes when people want it both ways.  When a mother wakes up one day angry that she is fifteen years removed from her career path with no way to get back on track.  She is forgetting that she has made a choice and that while there are costs associated with that choice, presumably there are benefits as well.

  

Single parents face the dual challenge of providing for their children financially and developmentally.  There never seem to be enough hours to cover both bases well.

  

Whatever your situation, each of us makes compromises along the way.  When our children were young, Judy stayed at home while I worked long hours so that we could stay afloat in the high cost world of New York.  At that point parenting was not 50/50, but more like 80/20, 90/10, or even 95/5 on some days.  We were doing what we believed would be best for our family in the long run, but that treasure came with a price - a real price that would not be refunded.

  

So, today, consider the cost/treasure ratio in your life and determine what you believe to be the best mix.  Then celebrate that choice and the value it brings both in the short-term and the long-term.  Don't regret.  Don't worry.  But be realistic in your expectations.

  

Your children may never remember that you took off work to go to the zoo with them and their classmates, but that in no way means that that decision was without value in their lives.  It is the cumulative effect of our choices that produces long-term influence rather than the individually remembered events.