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Treatment and Support for Families Affected by Alzheimer's and other Memory Disorders
January-February 2015

Vol 6, Issue 1

forgetmenots
Caregiver
Network
News

A newsletter for
caregivers of loved ones
with memory loss

 


 

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME...

 

 


Martin walks down the hall of the long-term care facility where he lives. He's holding the hand of a six-year-old boy wearing a baseball cap, who's telling Martin all about his trip to the ballpark to see a Dodgers game. Both Martin and the child are obviously enjoying the moment. Then a staff member walks by and says, "Well, who's your visitor?" Martin stops, his smile fades, and he gets a blank look.

He's trying to think how to answer the question.

Martin is in mid-stage Alzheimer's Disease. His memory for language has been ravaged by the disease. Words that used to come easily to him, words like "grandson" and "Jeremy," are buried somewhere in his brain, obscured by the fog of dementia. He knows that this boy is special to him - he always feels happy when he comes to visit - but he just can't think of his name.

Does this mean that Jeremy is any less Martin's grandson? Does it make Martin any less Jeremy's grandfather, simply because his condition prevents him from remembering his name?

Shakespeare said "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." So it follows that Martin's grandson is still Martin's grandson, with or without his name. We as humans recognize our loved ones by much more than what they are called. We are drawn to their face, their voice, their heart and soul and being. Take those away and you've taken away the person. Take away merely their name, and the person we love still remains.

So, yes, dementia has destroyed the pathways in Martin's brain that would have led him to the words he needs to answer the question. But because the pathway to his heart is still intact, he is able to come up with an answer that is accurate, relevant, and honest.

He breaks into a big smile and says, "This is my boy!"



That's recognition from the heart.


 

The ABCs of DEMENTIA 

Part 6

R is for Repetition
Expect a lot of repetition.  Repeated stories, repeated questions, repeated conversation, repeated concerns. People living with dementia simply don't remember what you just told them, so they'll ask again.  They don't remember that they've already told you this story, so they'll tell you again.  Their "rememberer" is broken, so for them, every time is the first time.  It's all part of the disease. You can't fix it and you can't make them remember.  Repeated questions may appear to be all about where and when and how, but someone with a memory disorder has a hard time trying to keep up with all of that.  Sometimes just a little reassurance ("I'll take care of that for you") may be the best answer you can give.
S is for 
Stigma
Let's face it:  there's a social stigma about memory disorders that's often missing in other conditions.  Lisa Genova, author of the bestselling novel "Still Alice," says, "Any disease of the brain has a stigma.  It's not like the heart or the kidney.  This is personal. This is something that's wrong with you."   Oscar-winning actress Julianne Moore, who portrays Alice in the movie version of the book, agrees:  "There's a tremendous amount of stigma [about Alzheimer's].  I think it has to do with lack of information, lack of knowledge about the disease."  But the paradigm is shifting.  We're learning more.  We're hearing about high-profile cases, like Ronald Reagan and Glen Campbell, and public awareness is rising.  We are starting to view this disease with "a new candor and empathy," says Frank Bruni of The New York Times.  Bestselling books and mainstream movies such as "Still Alice" have a huge potential to change the conversation and put and end to the myths and misinformation surrounding dementia.  But it is the ones who are living with dementia every moment of every day who will make the biggest difference in how this disease is understood.  It is through our actions and attitudes that we can put an end to the stigma.
is for Thinking
Memory loss isn't just about loss of memories. It's also about loss of thinking skills, which can affect nearly every aspect of our everyday life: following directions, making judgment decisions, keeping up with financial or household responsibilities, finding one's way, being comfortable in social settings, making choices, getting started on simple activities, understanding rational or logical explanations, focusing on tasks, recognizing safety risks, maintaining personal hygiene - the list goes on. It's often surprising to realize that a person can appear almost normal on the surface, yet his thinking skills may be significantly impaired to the point that he is no longer safe to drive or to live alone. Forgetting a grandchild's name or not knowing what day it is indicate memory problems. Giving away large amounts of money to a stranger or putting a plastic plate in a hot oven indicate problems with thinking skills, and often carry much greater risks.


(The ABCs of Dementia will be continued next issue) 

 

  

"He Sure Seems Fine to Me!" 

-submitted by a caregiver

What THEY see:  
"Isn't he just doing great?  I'd never guess he had a memory problem!"   

 What I see:    
"Honey, there must be a virus in my computer. It keeps getting all messed up and I can't get my email. I think it needs to be fixed.  By the way, where did you say we were going today?

What THEY see: 
"You know, he seems just fine.  Are you sure they have the right diagnosis?"

What I see:    
"The strangest thing just happened.  I was walking back from the coffee shop and I couldn't remember what to do when I got to that corner.  I know I've been there a hundred times but it just didn't look right.  Oh, aren't we supposed to go somewhere today?
What THEY see: 
"Why, his memory's better than mine!  I was trying to remember the author of a book we'd both read and he got it right away!"

What I see:    
"Honey, I'm trying to remember - where did you say we were going this morning?"
What THEY see: 
               "Gosh, I think he's better than the last time we saw him.  Isn't that wonderful?"    
What I see: 

"Honey, this gas pump is so complicated.  It wants a membership card, then our credit card, then our zip code.  It keeps asking questions.  Is this credit or debit?  Why does a gas pump need all that information just to get 
some gas?  It's too confusing, I'm just going to forget it.  Besides, don't we have to go somewhere today?"
What THEY see: 
"I just talked to him on the phone and it was like old times.  He was laughing and talking just like he always has.  Yep, he sure seems fine to me!"
What I see:    
"What do you mean, am I read to go?  You didn't tell me we were going anywhere!"



 

 

 


MCLogo

UPCOMING
    EVENT

 
Save the Date!  
Tuesday, May 26, 6:00 pm

The Genius of Marian 

A screening of this award-winning film 
will be held at 
Asheville Community Theatre
hosted by
MCLogo 

More details coming soon!  


 


MCLogo

ONGOING
PROGRAMS

Open to the Public
 

MEMORYCAREGIVERS NETWORK
SUPPORT & EDUCATION GROUPS
 
FLETCHER GROUP
 First Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m.
 Fletcher 7th Day Adventist Church 
Howard Gap Road and Naples Road, Fletcher, N.C.
(just past Park Ridge Hospital)

NEW HOPE GROUP

Third Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m.

      New Hope Presbyterian Church

 3070 Sweeten Creek Road, Asheville, N.C. 28803

        (across from Givens Estates)

WEAVERVILLE GROUP

Fourth Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m.

Weaverville First Baptist Church

63 N. Main, Weaverville, NC 28787

(North Buncombe County)

There is no charge to attend any of the Network groups, 
but donations are needed to keep this program going.   
 
Contact Chad Conaty, Director of Development and Outreach, at [email protected], 
 
For more information about the MemoryCaregivers Network, contact:
Mary Donnelly
828.230.4143
Pat Hilgendorf
828.645.9189

 

"CAREGIVER COLLEGE"
MemoryCare's ongoing educational series for caregivers 
A series of 6 two-hour lectures will be provided for caregivers of persons with memory disorders.  Sessions are designed to improve caregiver understanding of different aspects of dementia care. Related presentation materials will be provided. 
Space is limited so please sign up via our office in advance. 

There is no fee for caregivers enrolled in MemoryCare.
For all others, there is an $85.00 attendance fee for the course.

To register, call 828.771.2219.

Course Content:
What Is Dementia?
Transitioning from Independence to Interdependence
Functional and Behavioral Changes of Dementia
Dementia Treatment Options & Risk Reduction
Maintaining Your Own Health
Dementia and Legal Planning Issues


The next series will begin Spring 2015 as follows:

Asheville Class
Every Tuesday, beginning March 10th through April 14th
3:30 to 6pm
South College, 140 Sweeten Creek Road
Led by Margaret Noel, MD.

Waynesville Class 
Every Tuesday, beginning May 26th through June 30
3:30 to 6pm
Haywood County Senior Resource Center
Led by Lisa Verges, MD. 



 

Caregiver Network News is made possible by the charitable support of donors.
It is an auxiliary program of

   MCLogo

Our Mission is three-fold:

To provide specialized medical care to older adults with cognitive impairment;

to support caregivers with education, counseling,and improved access to services; and to provide community education.

 

MemoryCare relies on charitable donations for operations.
Please consider MemoryCare in your estate planning.

To make a donationCLICK HERE.

Click this link to visit our website:

www.MemoryCare.org

 


speaker at podium
Do you need a program for a group event? 
Public education is not only a part of the President's National Plan to Address Alzheimer's Disease, it's a part of MemoryCare's mission statement.

The MemoryCaregivers Network staff can provide speakers on a variety of subjects, including Recognizing Early Warning Signs of Memory Loss, Facts and Fiction about Dementia, Better Communication Techniques, and more. 

Contact us at [email protected] for more information.

 



OTHER COMMUNITY PROGRAMS & EVENTS
(The following programs are not part of MemoryCare but help our community by serving those impacted by memory impairment.  All are free and open to the public unless otherwise noted)

 


Caregiver Workshop
Grief with Dementia
This workshop is designed to help caregivers of people with dementia
 and to assist people with dementia and their grief.

Tuesday, February 10, noon-1:00pm
CarePartners Campus, Conference Room "B" 
68 Sweeten Creek Rd, Asheville 28803

For more information or to register:  828.274.9567 ext. 8379 or [email protected]
or 828.274.9567 ext. 8321 or [email protected]
 

 


Caregiver Workshop
Dementia:  Embracing the Moment
Improv Tools for Living in the Now
* Imaginative ways to meet challenging situations
* Innovative tools for listening and responding
* Nurturing new possibility for connecting
* Honoring your own needs

Jane Sherman (Memory Loss Collaborative) and Cappy Tosetti (Aerobics for the Brain)

Friday, February 20, 1-3pm
Calvary Episcopal Church - Choir Room
2840 Hendersonville Rd, Fletcher 28732
$15 Attendance Fee  -  Class limited to 20 persons
For more information or to register:  828.707.7203 or [email protected]
 

 


Caregiver Workshop
Living in this Maze Called Alzheimer's
A seminar for those dealing with dementia

Laura and Bill Smutney have learned to face the difficulties of this disease while still celebrating the joys in life.
  This is not a "How To" seminar, rather it's intended to offer love, hope, and empathy 
to all who are struggling with dementia.

Saturday, February 28, 10-noon
Mud Creek Baptist Church (The Generations Center)
401 Rutledge Rd, Hendersonville

Free and open to the public
Arrangements for care receivers available

For more information or to register:  828.692.1262 ext 135, or [email protected] 
 

 


Calling All Gentlemen Caregivers...
...to the Men's Lunch Bunch 

All men are welcome to join us for food, support, and laughter!  
No advance reservations needed, just show up.

2nd Tuesdays, 11:30 am
J&S Cafeteria on Airport Road
(across from the AVL airport)

For more information, contact Woodie Dyches at 828.712.9726 
 

 

Memory Loss Caregivers of East Buncombe
An education & support group for caregivers
sponsored by the
Highland Farms Residents' Corporation

Meets every second Tuesday
9:30-11:30 a.m.
Lounge Room 3 (lower level), J-K entrance of  Brookside Building 
Highland Farms Retirement Community, Black Mountain, NC

For more information, contact: 
Mary Donnelly
828.230.4143
Pat Hilgendorf
828.230.4143

 

Area Support Groups for Persons Living With Memory Loss
The New Hope Group
(a part of the Memory Loss Collaborative:  www.janesherman.org)
1:00-2:30 p.m. on the third Tuesday of each month
(meets concurrently with the MemoryCaregivers Network New Hope Group above)
Pre-Screening Required, contact Jane Sherman, 845.641.4680 or [email protected] 
The Biltmore Group
(a part of the Memory Loss Collaborative:  www.janesherman.org)
1:00-2:30 p.m. on the second Thursday of each month
Biltmore Methodist Church
376 Hendersonville Road Asheville, 28803  (Exit 50 off I-40)
Pre-Screening Required, contact Jane Sherman at 845.641.4680 or [email protected]
The Highland Farms Group
9:30-11:30 a.m. on the second Tuesday of each month
(meets concurrently with the Memory Loss Caregivers of East Buncombe above)
Contact Mel Kelley, 828.301.0529 or [email protected] 

The Hendersonville Group
1:30-3:30 on the fourth Tuesday of each month
Mud Creek Baptist Church
 Contact Patty Williams at 828.692.1262 or [email protected]

Initial screening required for all early-stage groups.

 

memory cafe logo
Memory Cafes
A Social Gathering For Those with Memory Loss and their Friends & Families

First Baptist Church, Asheville
Third Thursdays 1-3pm
5 Oak Street, Asheville, 28801
828-252-4781     [email protected]

Calvary Episcopal Church, Fletcher
Third Saturdays 2-4pm
2940 Hendersonville Road, Fletcher 28732
828-684-6266    [email protected]

Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Asheville
NOTE:  this program is on short-term hiatus.  Please contact the church for details.
Charlotte Street and Edwin Place, Asheville 28801
828-254-6001     [email protected]

Sylva First Baptist Church Fellowship Center
(collaboration with First Methodist, First Presbyterian, & St. John's Episcopal)
Second Thursdays 10am-12pm
669 W. Main St, Sylva, 28779
828-452-2500    [email protected]

Hendersonville First Baptist Church
Second Mondays, 1-3pm
Crosswalk Building, 577 Buncombe St, Hendersonville 28739
828-388-1421    [email protected]

Come for Fun, Relaxation, and Socializing in a Caf�-like Setting! 

 

 

NOTABLE QUOTABLE

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  
It pays no attention to criticism."
  
 
 - anonymous 

  


 

 

Caregiver Network News is written and edited by Mary Donnelly.
Contact [email protected] for more information.
 
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