Treatment and Support for Families Affected by Alzheimer's and other Memory Disorders |
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November 2011 |
Vol 2, Issue 7 |
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 | Forget-Me-Nots |
forget-me-nots
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Caregiver
Network
News
A monthly newsletter for caregivers of loved ones with memory loss
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November is
National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month
and
National Family Caregivers Month.
MemoryCare honors the nearly 15 million
dementia caregivers in this country who provide
billions of hours of care each year to their loved ones.
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WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM BEING A CAREGIVER
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I've learned not to give Mom too many choices, which confuse and frustrate her. Where she used to enjoy going to the bookstore to select a book, that's become overwhelming for her. Now we choose one book and bring it to her.
I've learned not to try to hide the diagnosis from family and friends. People can't understand if they don't know. It's much better to tell them up front what's going on, and get their help and support. It's easier on all of us.
I've learned that, despite the changes in him, my husband is still in there. He will occasionally surprise me with a phrase or joke or story he remembers. It reminds me that he's still the man I've loved for forty years.
I've learned not to tell my wife about appointments and events more than a day ahead. She doesn't have to worry about trying to remember them, and I don't have to answer the same questions about them over and over.
I've learned to allow my mother to continue to do as much as she can, even if it's not quite up to par. She feels so much better if she can contribute a dish to the Thanksgiving dinner, or set the table, than if she's left out of everything. Her happy smile when somebody complements her pecan pie reminds me to step back more often and let her do it he rself.
Patience is the key to caring for my father. He doesn't communicate the way he used to. When he can't verbalize what he needs, I've learned to be quiet and give him time to put his words together so I can understand what he's saying.
Our family has learned not to be embarrassed when Dad/Grandad does unusual things in public. We either try to make a joke out of it with him, or if that doesn't work, we simply whisper "Alzheimer's" to anyone nearby who is put off by his actions. We've found that people are almost always understanding and sympathetic when we do that, and will often come up and speak nicely to Dad, which he loves.
We have learned not to believe everything Mom says. She simply doesn't remember, so her perception is distorted. She might say, "Isn't it time for lunch?" when she ate lunch an hour before. When she says, "I hate this place," we understand that what she really means is that she wishes she could have her old life back, when she was whole. When she says, "I haven't seen you in days," we understand that her sense of time has become skewed.
I've learned not to correct my husband when he gets things wrong. It upsets him to have his mistakes pointed out to him, and if he's upset, our day won't go well. I have to bite my tongue a lot, but it's worth it.

I've learned to let go of a lot of things that used to matter. So what if my wife wears the same two outfits when she has a closet full of others? So what if she loads and reloads the dishwasher all day? So what if she tells the same story again and again? These are not important. What's important is that she will still hold my hand on a walk, that she still enjoys going for a drive, and that I can still make her giggle occasionally. She loves me in whatever ways she still can, and that is enough.
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THE FAMILY LONG-TERM CARE DECISION
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by Betty Doll, MBA, CLTC, of Doll and Associates Long Term Care Services in Asheville, and a member of the MemoryCare Board of Directors
Despite, or perhaps because of, the recent economic downturn, public interest in long term care insurance coverage is growing quietly and steadily. In fact, more than four million people held individual long-term care insurance policies at the end of December 2010..
The increased interest in long-term care insurance is due primarily to three factors: the evolution of these products, recognition of the limited alternatives for financing care, and a growing awareness on the part of consumers of the benefits of long-term care insurance as a means of protecting their assets and their health care choices.
Long-term care (LTC) insurance policies have become far more flexible over recent years. Older policies often covered only nursing home care. Most policies today allow the insured to receive care at home, in an assisted living facility, in a nursing home or in an adult day care center.
Most policies today offer benefits when a person becomes unable to perform two out of six activities of daily living (such as bathing, dressing, toileting, or eating) or when they need assistance due to severe memory loss or dementia. There are new benefits available that will pay for modifications to your home and even for family members to provide care.
There is a growing awareness of the limited options available through our government. For example, Medicare typically covers only certain types of care for a limited period of time, leaving most long-term care costs uncovered. Medicaid, the state assistance program, requires people to spend down their assets to state required levels to qualify. Additionally, Medicaid primarily pays for care received in a nursing facility, not in your home. Care through the Veteran's Administration is limited and available based on a priority-based system with those who have a service-connected disability receiving first priority.

With more than 25 million adult caregivers in the U.S. today, many people are experiencing long-term care needs within their own families. These families have seen the financial, physical, and emotional impact of this caregiving. Those who are paying for services themselves are seeing the impact of these costs on their family's financial foundation. Those who are providing the care are realizing the increased stress, fatigue, and impact on the other family members.
While insurance premiums are not insignificant, no one regrets having car insurance, home insurance, or flood insurance when there is accident or storm damage. Even those without damage are thankful that they have the coverage. The benefits available with any insurance are always far greater than the annual premiums paid. This is also true for long-term care policies. A person who pays premiums for 20 years will pay far less in premiums than they would pay if they need less than one year of care at today's cost. Some new features give the additional flexibility to let a single policy be used by more than one family member which gives even more flexibility to the coverage.
A long-term care need affects the entire family. If you are helping your parents, make sure you understand their future wants and desires. If you are a couple planning for your own long-term care needs, think through your own priorities and those of your children. This is a family issue. Family members will do all they can to provide care but the needs can become greater than what the family can handle.
If you decide to explore insurance coverage, work with an experienced advisor who will assess your situation and make recommendations appropriate to your financial situation and to your desires for when care is needed. Look at the various insurance carriers and their financial strengths and stability in addition to their years of experience in the long-term care insurance market. Standard and Poors, Moody's and A.M. Best provide ratings for most long term care insurance carriers.
For further information, contact Betty at 828.225.9585
or visit her at http://www.BettyDollLTC.com/ |
IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT
2011 CHARITABLE DONATIONS
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Opportunity to give from your IRA expires on December 31!
Only until December 31, 2011, people age 70-1/2 and older may transfer up to $100,000 directly from a traditional or Roth IRA to qualified charities. If you do not itemize deductions, have already exceeded the 50% annual deduction limitation, have carried forward charitable tax increase the tax-free portion, this is a great way to give!
There are some restrictions, so please contact your financial advisor for more details.
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CAREGIVER CALENDAR
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MEMORYCAREGIVERS NETWORK
SUPPORT GROUPS
free & open to the public
PARK RIDGE GROUP First Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m. NEW TIME!! Fletcher 7th Day Adventist Church Howard Gap Road and Naples Road, Fletcher, N.C. (just past Park Ridge Hospital) (This group replaces the former First Tuesday Group which met at Calvary Episcopal in Fletcher) NEW HOPE GROUP Third Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m.
New Hope Presbyterian Church
3070 Sweeten Creek Road, Asheville, N.C. 28803 (across from Givens Estates) WEAVERVILLE GROUP Fourth Tuesdays, 1:00-3:00 p.m. Weaverville First Baptist Church 63 N. Main, Weaverville, NC 28787 (North Buncombe County) Caregiver Support Groups are funded by a grant from Park Ridge Health
"MEMORYCARE CLUB" Our Support Group for persons with early memory loss
(Initial screening required. Please call for information)
Meets concurrently with the New Hope Group on the Third Tuesday
NOTE: The MemoryCare Club is full at this time, but applications are being accepted for the waiting list. Please contact Jane Sherman, 845.641.4680, or janeshermanllc@mac.com.
For more information contact:
Mary Donnelly Pat Hilgendorf
828.230.4143 828.645.9189
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Alzheimer's Association
Regional Caregiver Education Conference
Thursday, November 17, 2011 9am - 4pm Biltmore Baptist Church 35 Clayton Road, Arden, NC 28803 $10 for family caregivers, $25 for professionals Registration fee includes lunch, snacks, and 5 contact hours For more information, call 800.272.3900 ________________________________________________________________________________________ For Anyone Caring for a Veteran: In honor of Family Caregiver Month, the Charles George VA Medical Center in East Asheville will host the Celebrate Our Family Caregiver Fair on Tuesday, November 29, 2011 1:00 - 3:00 p.m. in the Atrium of the Medical Center 1100 Tunnel Road, Asheville, 28805 Various VA programs will be highlighted as well as community resources which focus on caregiving. For more information, call Patricia Kitlasz, 828.291.7911, ext. 3698 ___________________________________________________________________________________________ |
NOTABLE QUOTABLES |

" Do what you can,
with what you have,
where you are. "
- Theodore Roosevelt
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MemoryCare relies on charitable donations for operations. Please consider MemoryCare in your estate planning.
To visit our website, click on
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MemoryCare gratefully acknowledges support from the
Perry N. Rudnick Endowment Fund with the Community Foundation of Henderson County
for making this newsletter possible. |
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