"IT ONLY HURTS WHEN YOU CARE"

VALENTINE'S DAY...

...when we think of flowers, candy, and romantic candlelit dinners with our sweethearts.  But if your sweetheart has Alzheimer's Disease or some other form of memory loss, Valentine's Day may no longer hold the same appeal for you that it once did.

Living with a spouse who has memory loss is perhaps the most difficult challenge of caregiving.  "CareSpouses" must adjust both to the increasing decline of the person they love, as well as to the grief and loneliness of losing their life's companion.  The person they have lived with and loved is disappearing, changing, leaving them in no-man's land - still  married, yet no longer having a marriage.

CBS News Correspondent Barry Petersen, author of Jan's Story, talks about the impact of his wife's early-onset Alzheimer's Disease:  "...It robs us of sharing daily experiences, and robs her of savoring the good things that are a part of all of our daily lives....I am losing more than a friend...also slipping away is the one person who was my confidante, with whom I could and did share everything."

Like other caregivers, CareSpouses experience an array of emotions, including anger, resentment, denial, sadness, and frustration, especially in the early stages of the disease when their spouses appear normal to outsiders.  As the disease progresses, they add depression, betrayal, guilt, loneliness, and a feeling of failure when dreams are dashed, when lifestyles are altered, when  moving to a nursing facility becomes the only option.  The first time they attend a social event alone is a sobering milestone. 

Barry Petersen calls it "a new normal."

But in the face of all the sadness, there can still be joy.  Focusing on what is left, rather than what is lost, can help sustain a loving relationship for a while longer.  Understanding and accepting that the disease has altered your loved one, and acknowledging the changes you must make to accommodate this, will allow you to move ahead.  Learning to accept silence where there was once conversation, anger where there was once tenderness, distance where there was once intimacy, may be difficult to do, but it's much easier than resisting.  It all comes down to adjusting your expectations, and to reminding yourself that the person you love is still in there somewhere.    

Finding new ways to enjoy time together by going on walks or drives, listening to music, reminiscing with photo albums, having a picnic, feeding the ducks at the pond, watching old movies, and sharing simple household tasks can be meaningful opportunities for closeness.  You may be surprised at how much there is still left to enjoy.  

So make a list of what you still have, and hold onto it.  It won't be what you once had, nor will it fill all of the void in your heart, but it will help you stay connected, if only for a short time, to the person you love. 

MemoryCare

has been named

the

2011 Winner

of the

Monroe E. Trout Premier Cares Award

recognizing

 "exemplary, innovative efforts that have made health services more accessible to the medically underserved."

MemoryCare was selected from hundreds of nonprofits across the United States

to receive this 

prestigious

 award!

CONGRATULATIONS! 

 To view the video of MemoryCare which was presented at the awards ceremony, click here 

The Meaning of Chocolate -

for Caregivers

Caring for me, too;

Having a sense of humor;

Open to accepting help;

Coping my best with   

Ongoing changes;

Learning to let go;

Adjusting my attitude;

Taking it one day at a time;

        and

Engaging in things I enjoy-

            ...like chocolate!

MEMORYCARE and PARK RIDGE HEALTH

OFFER NEW SUPPORT GROUP  

 MemoryCare and Park Ridge Health

are pleased to announce that

Park Ridge Health's Caregiver Wellness Support Group

is now collaborating with the

MemoryCaregivers Network.

The Park Ridge Group

will continue to meet on the

Third Tuesdays of each month from

5:30 - 7:30 p.m.

in the Duke Room at Park Ridge Hospital

Naples Road, Fletcher, N.C.

(a light supper is included)

As with all of the MemoryCaregivers Network support groups,

this meeting is free and open to the public.

For more information, contact:

           Mary Donnelly                                                               Patricia Hilgendorf                 

           828.230.4143                                                                           828.645.9189

           network@memorycare.org                       patricia.hilgendorf@gmail.com

CAREGIVER CALENDAR

NOTABLE QUOTABLES

MemoryCare relies on charitable donations for operations.  Please consider MemoryCare in your estate planning.