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The holidays are here, with all the traditional trappings we  enjoy. But for a person with mild dementia, all that feasting, festivity, and frenzy can cause more anxiety than enjoyment. Changes in routine and environment, an increase in activities, and an influx of family and friends can all be overwhelming and confusing. Caregivers, too, are stressed from trying to keep up holiday traditions while also caring for a loved one with memory loss.
There are, however, a few things you can do to help ease the strain on you and your family:
Adjust your expectations. Be prepared for a loss of interest in holiday preparations. A person who has mild memory loss may suddenly have difficulty with even the most familiar activities. If Mom made her famous pecan pie every holiday for the last forty years, this may be the year that you learn to make it yourself. Ask her to teach you.
Tell family members ahead of time what to expect. Warn them that Mom might not remember who they are, or that Dad tends to gather other people's belongings. You aren't doing anyone any favors by pretending that nothing has changed. Avoid "quizzing" your loved one, i.e., "Mom, you remember who this is, don't you?" or "Remember who gave you that scarf?" Comments like these only make the person feel worse; they don't help them remember.
Simplify celebrations. Tone down decorations in areas where your loved one will be. One or two beloved items will be more reassuring than a lot of clutter. Consider splitting large crowds into smaller parties. "Less is more" is especially true for persons with dementia.
Be sensitive to changes and limitations. Have your holiday celebration at noon rather than evening to avoid sundowning. Pour a non-alcoholic beverage in your loved one's wineglass. Provide a comfortable, stable setting for meals, not a lap tray or wobbly folding table. Have everyone (you included) wear nametags with first names written in large print. Invite family to visit a few at a time, not all at once. If a large crowd is unavoidable, try to stagger arrivals. Provide a comfortable chair for your loved one that's close to, but not in the center of, all the bustle. Especially if the gathering is not in the person's home, consider having a separate room available for them to receive guests for quiet, one-on-one visits before dinner is served. Put up prominent, easy-to-see signs for "Bathroom" and "My Bedroom."
Be aware that your loved may not be able to express needs. Take time at regular intervals to quietly ask, "Would you like to visit the bathroom before dinner?" or "Would you like to get away from all this noise and go to your room for a little while?" Again, this is especially helpful when the person is not in his or her own home for the event, and may feel unsure about where to go.
Have a "buddy system" in place. Even in persons who otherwise seem alert and "with it," holidays often invoke early memories that can lead them to become temporarily disoriented and to wander off in search of "home." This happens most frequently when they find themseles in a strange place, so they start looking for familiar surroundings. Ask one or two family members to serve as "buddies" to unobtrusively keep watch.
Include your loved one in the holiday merrymaking. Mom can help decorate cookies, or set the table with one item at a time, such as napkins or plates. Ask Dad to take guests' coats or to play Santa by reading names on gift tags. Have a few old photos, toys, or ornaments from their childhood that grandchildren can ask about. Remember that music is often retained when other memories are lost, so sing familiar carols with them throughout the season.
Become a child again. Elderly persons with memory loss are usually comfortable with childhood memories and activities during the holidays because they are often familiar. You may be surprised how much they would enjoy reading a beloved children's holiday story (i.e.,The Twelve Days of Christmas) or playing simple games with the little ones.
Celebrate in the most familiar setting, even if it's not home. For many people who have moved to a healthcare or assisted living facility, a change of environment - even a visit home - causes anxiety. Instead of insisting that they come to you, consider holding a small family celebration at the facility, or participate in holiday activities planned for the residents.
Be flexible. Instead of focusing on how the holidays used to be, look for new ways you family can enjoy being together. Let go of the things that don't matter any more. Do less so you can enjoy more. And find peace. | 
