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Treatment and Support for Families Affected by Alzheimer's and other Memory Disorders |
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September 2010 | Vol 1, Issue 4 |
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Forget-Me-Nots | forget-me-nots
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Caregiver
Network
News
A monthly newsletter for caregivers of loved ones with memory loss
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IN THIS ISSUE! |
"The Music of John Denver"
a benefit concert at Diana Wortham Theater
SEE DETAILS BELOW
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Join the MemoryCaregivers Online Blog!
Easy Sign-In Instructions In This Newsletter!
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THE DRIVING DILEMMA | |
Do you have a relative with memory loss who is still driving?
Do you worry every time they take the wheel?
Are you hoping they will voluntarily give up driving some day without a struggle?
It's difficult to decide when someone with memory loss should stop driving. Most information about dementia advises against driving, but this doesn't help the family determine just when it's time to stop. There's no definitive test to make this determination, and because it is an uncomfortable topic, families tend to delay talking about it to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. Nobody wants to be the bad guy.
Driving requires different regions of the brain to coordinate multiple amounts of data. One or more of those functions will likely be impaired in a person with dementia. Eyesight, depth perception, and peripheral vision are also affected. In the early stages of the disease, most people will still manage to perform their usual activities, including driving. "However, all people with irreversible dementia will eventually become unsafe to drive because of the degenerative, progressive nature of the brain disease." (The Hartford, 2007; emphasis added).
As we age, most of us will voluntarily modify our driving habits by avoiding busy roads or by not driving at night. But it's different for those with dementia: as their abilities diminish, they lose the capability to determine when driving becomes unsafe for them. They will minimize or completely deny their own limitations. They will be unaware of their impaired brain function, and they will likely make excuses or blame others: "Just because I hit the curb doesn't mean I'm not a good driver." "I've been driving all my life and never had an accident." "That car shouldn't have been so close."
It's a dilemma. They believe they're just fine, that there's nothing wrong with them, and that you're just trying to boss them around. How do you convince them of the truth while respecting their self-esteem? |
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CATCH A RIDE! | |
LOOKING FOR A LIFT?
These companies provide local transportation services in the Asheville/Hendersonville area:
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Mountain Mobility
(828) 258.0186
Round-A-Bout Transp.
(828) 253.0057
Out "N" About LLC
(828) 712.7259
Apple Country Transp.
(Henderson County)
(828) 698.8571
Council on Aging of Buncombe Co.
(828) 277.8288
...and don't forget friends,
family,
neighbors,
and church groups!
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The Driving Dilemma (continued) | |
 There are several ways you can help ease the transition for your loved one to give up driving. First, decrease the amount of time they need to drive. If your schedule permits, take Mom to the store yourself, or Dad to his daily breakfast spot. Enlist the aid of friends and neighbors who go to the same church or meeting. Allow an errand to become a special time between grandchild and grandparent. Make the new routine a pleasant habit, and they won't feel they've been deprived of either their outings or their independence. Making gradual changes to your loved one's driving routine is easier and less offensive than doing it all at once.
Don't try to reason or punish: "You could be in an accident and kill someone." "I'm not letting the grandchildren ride with you any more." Reasoning isn't effective with persons with mild dementia, and punishing tactics simply cause alienation and distrust.
Be observant of driving habits. A single incident isn't usually cause for alarm, but it is cause for increased monitoring. Be a passenger yourself and make note of any warning signs.
Share your concerns with your family's doctor, and ask him or her to address the issue. A person will often be vehemently opposed when confronted by a family member, but then be receptive to the idea when it is introduced by a trusted physician. Perhaps put the blame on a new medication's side effects.
CarePartners in Asheville offers a driving evaluation that can be effective with persons who do not acknowledge their driving limitations (www.carepartners.org, click on Outpatient Services, then Driving Evaluations). Ask your MemoryCare professional or primary care doctor for a referral.
Start using some alternative transportation options yourself (see list, above right). If your loved one sees that you occasionally let someone else do the driving, he or she will be more receptive to doing it too.
The most significant thing you can do is to plant the seeds. Start having frank, sensitive discussions with your loved one today, before it gets to a critical point. Don't wait for an accident or other incident that puts them on the defensive. Don't suddenly take away the car keys. Ask them, "I know you're driving fine now, but what do you think we should do if you begin to have difficulty driving?" or "What if something would happen and you couldn't drive any more?" Encourage them to talk about their options, about how they will deal with not driving. Let them get used to the idea gradually. Respect their desire for independence. Let them share in the decision-making process. However, keep in mind that these are people with memory loss, so don't be surprised if it may take several discussions over a period of time before they can accept the idea. Above all, keep trying -- it will ultimately make the situation easier for everyone!
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BENEFIT CONCERT for MEMORYCARE! | |
 "The Music of John Denver" a tribute concert by
Tom Donnelly & Friends
Diana Wortham Theater, downtown Asheville Sunday, October 17, 4:00 p.m.
General Seating $20 Patron $75
Tickets available at MemoryCare (828.772.2219)
and the theater box office (828.257.4530)
A Benefit for MemoryCare
COME SING ALONG WITH YOUR FAVORITES!
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CAREGIVER CALENDAR |
 MEMORYCAREGIVERS NETWORK
SUPPORT GROUPS free & open to the public
light refreshments served
FIRST TUESDAY GROUP
12:30-2:00 p.m.
Calvary Episcopal Church (in the library), Fletcher, N.C.
Hendersonville Road across from Fletcher Ingles
THIRD TUESDAY GROUP
12:30-2:00 p.m
New Hope Presbyterian Church (lower level)
3070 Sweeten Creek Road, Asheville, N.C.
(across from Givens Estates)
"MEMORYCARE CLUB"
Not for caregivers, this is a support group for people with early memory loss.
(Initial screening required. Please call for information)
Meets concurrently with the Third Tuesday Group
For more information about any of these, contact:
Mary Donnelly Pat Hilgendorf
828.230.4143 828.645.9189
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THE ALZHEIMER'S PROJECT
If you missed this documentary series on HBO last year, this is your chance to see it. Shown on four consecutive Tuesdays during September, 9:30-11:30 a.m. A discussion will follow each showing.
Sept. 7 - Part 1: The Memory Loss Tapes
Sept. 14 - Part 2: Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am?
Sept. 21 - Part 3: Momentum in Science
Sept. 28 - Part 4: Caregivers
Haywood Community Connections (haywoodconnections.com)
81 Elmwood Way, Waynesville
828.586.5501 ext. 1248
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"CAREGIVER COLLEGE"
MemoryCare's Caregiver Education Program
A series of 6 two-hour lectures designed to improve caregiver understanding of different aspects of dementia care. Offered four times each year, classes are given twice monthly. Instructor is Physician Assistant Terry Mulligan, MS, PA-C. Free to MemoryCare caregivers; $100 for general public. Space is limited, call MemoryCare to enroll: 828.771.2219 or office@memorycare.org.
The next series begins September 28, 2010.
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THE ABC's OF DEMENTIA
Presented by Heather McKay, O.T., Dementia Care Specialist, recipient of Marlys Mitchell Pioneer Award for humanitarian values, knowledge, and visionary leadership.
Tues. October 12, 2:00 - 5:00pm
Fletcher Adventist Church, 181 Fletcher Academy Drive
Register at 684.6444 or 687.5261
Sponsored by Park Ridge Home Health and Mountain Home Care
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YOU'RE INVITED....... | |
....to visit us at the MemoryCaregivers Network online blog! You can post your own questions and comments, or simply read what others are saying.
It's free and it's really easy! Simply copy or paste this address into your browser:
http://caregivers.memorycare.org/forum/
Set up a User Name (don't use your last name, please!) and a Password, and you're all set. Post your own questions and comments, or simply read what others have said. It's like having a support group right in your home!
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NOTABLE QUOTABLES | |
"Knowledge doesn't lead to change -- understanding does."
- Dr. Oz |
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MemoryCare relies on charitable donations for operations. Please consider MemoryCare in your estate planning.
To visit our website, click on
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MemoryCare gratefully acknowledges support from the Glaxco-Smith-Kline Foundation's Ribbon of Hope Program for making this newsletter possible.
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