Let's take a few examples. You have just finished work and you tell yourself you have to prepare dinner for your family. Do you really feel like doing it? If you did, you wouldn't say, "I have to." So, this is telling you that you wish the opposite was true. Wouldn't you prefer to get home and not have to prepare a meal?

Do you sometimes tell yourself that you must go on a diet because you have gained weight again? Do you really feel able to do it? Wouldn't you prefer to accept yourself with this weight?

Another example, that has more to do with BEING, is the following: You tell yourself you must be more present to your spouse or your children. If you are not present enough to them, it's probably because whatever is preventing you from being sufficiently present is very important to you and it's your preference to continue in that way.

All these "I musts" come from our ego, which is working relentlessly to tell us what is good and what is bad. Therefore, every "I must" hides a fear that we would do well to identify. To identify the fear, ask yourself the following two questions each time you hear yourself say, "I must" or "I have to":

• What would I prefer to do?
• If I give myself permission to follow my preference, what do I fear will happen?

After answering these questions, check if you would be ready to assume the consequences of acting in accordance with your preference. If the answer is yes, which is often the case, you will have performed an act of love toward yourself because you will have listened better to your needs. If on the other hand you come to the conclusion that you could not assume the consequences. In that case, give yourself permission to be afraid and not to follow your preference. This is another form of love toward yourself. By making a conscious decision, you will naturally say or think "I choose to..." instead of "I must..." It will therefore help you be a happier person because you won't have the impression of always being obligated to be or do something that you don't feel like doing or being.

It'll also be easier for you to share your real need with those around you and to come to an agreement that reconciles your need and your "I must."

It is important to be more and more aware of the number of times you think or say, "I must," because it will help you discover your needs. Moreover, many people often find themselves thinking or saying "I must" because they are unable to say no or believe they are responsible for the happiness of others.

If you know people living near Mexico City, you could share this with them. Lise will be giving a talk in Puebla on April 5, 2014.

April 5 2014 at 7 PM: Obedece tu cuerpo amate! Qué causa tu enfermedad o sobre peso?

Complejo Cultural universitario

For tickets: www.superboletos.com or 01800-BOLETOS (2653867)

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We were approached several months ago by a dance troupe who wanted to put on a play inspired by the book Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self.

We accepted and the first performance was held on December 19 at the théâtre de Ménilmontant in Paris.

Heal your wounds and find your true self! 

Lise Bourbeau  

Masochists also have a gift for punishing themselves before someone else does. It's as if they want to give themselves the first lash of the whip, so that those to come will hurt less. This situation mainly arises when they're ashamed of something or when they fear they'll be ashamed in front of someone else. They find it so hard to please themselves that when they do take pleasure in being with someone or in doing something in particular, they criticize themselves for taking advantage. Masochists do everything they can to avoid being labeled as someone who takes advantage of other people. The more they accuse themselves of taking advantage, the bigger their bodies become.

A young mother once told me: "I realize that I never manage to find time to enjoy myself or to enjoy what I'm doing." She added that in the evening, when her husband and her children were watching television, she would sometimes stop to watch a little. When she was interested in the program she would watch it but remain standing. She didn't even manage to take time to sit down because, in her eyes, if she did, she would be lazy and so wouldn't be a good mother. A sense of duty is very important for masochists.

Masochists are often mediators between two people. They act as buffers between others, which is a reason for creating a good layer of protection. They also manage to be the scapegoat. A masochist mother will intervene, for example, if there's a problem between the father or the teacher and her children, instead of teaching her children to assume their responsibility. At work, masochists choose a job where they have to intervene to sort things out so that everybody is happy. Otherwise, they would criticize themselves for having done nothing and they would be ashamed because they feel responsible for other people's happiness or unhappiness. They even take on other peoples' responsibilities and commitments.

The fact that masochists take on too much, that they have too much weight on their shoulders, is reflected in their physique. Their shoulders become more and more hunched so that they can support everything - or they suffer from backache.

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