Are You a Doormat?

(A nugget from Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success)

In a series of groundbreaking studies over the past 30 years, social scientists have discovered that people differ dramatically in their desired mix of taking and giving. Two groups, takers and givers, fall at opposite ends of the spectrum at work.

Takers like to get more than they give. They work in their own favor, putting their own interests ahead of others' needs. Takers believe they need to be better than others because this is a competitive, dog-eat-dog world. They also want plenty of credit for their efforts, so they self promote. Their thinking is, "If I don't look out for myself first, no one will."

Givers and takers are distinguished by a difference in their attitudes and actions toward others. Givers prefer to give more than they get, while takers tend to be self-focused; evaluating what others can offer them. Givers focus on others, paying more attention to what people need from them. Takers help others only when the benefits outweigh the personal costs, but givers strive to generously share their time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas, and connections with anyone who can benefit from them.

While we often think of givers as chumps and doormats, it turns out they dominate the top of the success ladder. What's more, givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of people around them.