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Greetings!
We can probably agree that self-confidence is essential for living a fulfilling life, and particularly important when we are serving in a leadership role - at home and at work. If you are a parent/spouse, do you feel confident in your parenting/partnering skills? If you are caring for an aging relative...if you have to give an important speech tomorrow...if you just got promoted to be a leader of other people...if you are getting older and want to remain active and relevant...? Fill in your own blanks.
I am fascinated by and in awe of the vast array of human intelligence I see every day: emotional, heart, spiritual, physical, musical, visionary, financial, artistic, technical, and so much more - that people can and do bring to the abundant table of life. And yet, too often, I see really good people with tons of talent and skill defining themselves by what they are not rather than what they are and can be.
Question: Do you know when you are honestly believing in yourself vs. when you are doubting and limiting yourself? It can be a slippery slope when we listen to that nagging, doubting, whispering or shouting 'devil' on our shoulder.
I'm sure you know that voice...it might say:
"Who do you think you are?" "What makes you think you could do that?" "You grew up poor, so that's who you are." "What will people think?" "Who would want to read your book!" "You're not smart/good/rich/attractive/thin/white/old/young/male enough!"
I've heard people say all these limiting things about themselves and much worse. What do you hear that 'devil' say when she/he is on your shoulder?
Just like most people, I've had plenty of moments when I had weak knees, was embarrassed, fearful, didn't think I could do something that felt risky. I've been insecure, worried, and nervous. I can still hear faint messages in my head from my childhood. As my friend and mentor, Rod Napier said, "We are all members of the 'scar club'." We all experience traumas, pain, doubts, and sadness. No one gets out of this life without a few cuts and bruises or worse.
The question isn't whether these things and feelings will happen to you; the question is what you choose to do and feel when they do. Your choices will make the difference in your confidence. READ MORE...
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QUESTION OF THE MONTH
"What's the difference between confidence and arrogance in a leader.?" ROXI'S ANSWER
Inside - Outside is a way to think about it. A confident leader is comfortable in her own skin and she knows what she knows and doesn't know, and is cool with that internally and with those she leads, and with those she reports to. She doesn't need to remind people of her competence and ability, she just does the job, the speech, the networking, or whatever it is she must do. She has her resumé in her pocket at all times and knows that she won't settle for less than she's worth. She knows she's ENOUGH. The arrogant leader is generally fearful, insecure, and not comfortable in her own skin. OR...has a deep sense of entitlement. She has to tell everyone how great she is because she doesn't believe it and is deathly afraid of being found out to be a fraud or incompetent or less than. This person can sound like and act like a bully. In the case of beliefs about entitlement, there truly is a "I'm better than you" deep belief and a belief that you should know that and treat me with deference. She is worried she will never be ENOUGH. Examples: Oprah - confident, knows what she knows and surrounds herself with experts who know more than she does about their profession. She listens to the wisdom of others. She takes her own counsel (no pun intended!). She is honest about her weaknesses. Despite having all the odds stacked against her in childhood, she is one of the most well-known and respected woman leader in the world. And she is humble about it. Donald Trump - arrogant with a sense of entitlement from the day he was born. Thinks he's smarter than everyone else, is disrespectful of others, does not listen to anyone but his own counsel. Apparently has no weaknesses he cares to share. Having had all the best of the best opportunities, still fails in business over and over again, and makes up stories to pretend otherwise. James Bond - though fictional - is an interesting balance of confident and arrogant. Confident in his knowledge and abilities, but still a learner. Arrogant in his relationships with bad guys and women. Was well educated but was an orphan. Fear of commitment and relationships got him into the right job as 007. Staying alive happen because he outsmarts the bad guys even when the odds are against him. He doesn't believe he will die on the job and he NEVER does (pun intended). To have YOUR question answered personally and perhaps chosen for this spot, go to: www.AskRoxi.com.Scroll down to: Advice for Leaders. Ask Roxi Your Question Today! |
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MORE WAYS TO CONNECT WITH ME
All on iTUNES - AskRoxi
I WANT TO HEAR YOUR HIRING & FIRING FAILURE AND SUCCESS STORIES.
IF YOUR STORY IS USED IN MY NEW BOOK , YOU'LL GET A FREE COPY OF THE BOOK WHEN IT IS PUBLISHED!
"HIRE RIGHT & FIRE RIGHT...Your Success Depends On It
NEWS FLASH!!! I am going to wait for this book to come out BEFORE holding my 3 day event in Asheville, NC or Ithaca, NY - THANKS to all of you who responded to my Survey Questions. Your answers told me two things, YES you REALLY want what I am offering, and affording it is a big challenge for a lot of non-profits. Somehow, we have to bridge that gap together.
"LEAD LIKE IT MATTERS...BECAUSE IT DOES!"
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The www.AskRoxi website is easier to navigate, and it's easy sign up for Roxi's LEADING WITH IMPACT course on-line, and get cool free stuff (i.e. Leadership Wheel, 3 free course Chapters, and NEW...FREE FREE FREE Couples Communication Survey). I hope you'll visit and share all these resources with your network!
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