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This edition is the start of my FIFTH year writing the AskRoxi newsletter! Can you believe it? I've chatted with you 37 times since January 2012. I think it is fitting to revisit the topic of the inaugural issue - Resilience. I've observed and learned more since then, and there are some truths that bear repeating.
Have you ever thought about the composition and behavior of bouncing balls? Did you find it interesting that, in the picture above, the ball that bounces the highest is a steel ball against a steel plate? I sure did.
The metaphor I often use about resilience isn't about steel, however; it's about rubber vs. glass; it's about things that will bounce back and things that won't. We know that rubber balls bounce off most surfaces. They may fly off to places unknown or inconvenient or get caught by someone else, but they do bounce. Glass balls, on the other hand, do not bounce, with few exceptions, like a really shaggy carpet maybe, but only if we get lucky. Generally, glass balls break into a zillion pieces. Consider who and what in your life (including you) is rubber vs. glass today and why. It will matter to you, believe me. You won't want to drop any of the "glass balls" (relationships that matter, for instance) in your life.
Encasing glass with rubber can transform it. It will change from quite fragile to more resilient. The degree of success you enjoy as a leader and in life is reflected by the degree of resilience you build and sustain. We all need to have both the skills and the attitude to stay "rubbery", be flexible, and increase resilience.
Bouncing Back IS NOT a Spectator Sport!
Over the last few years, I've paid attention to people who are and are not resilient. There are SEVEN behavioral patterns I've noticed that are consistently exhibited by the resilient people I've observed:
1. They ask for help when needed; they don't define this as a weakness 2. They are humble - admitting they don't and can't know everything they need to know 3. They are NOT victims, nor do they exhibit victim behavior 4. They are optimistic and believe they will come through the other side of a current difficulty one way or another 5. They do NOT turn their situation into a catastrophe - no matter how tough things are
6. They demonstrate empathy. 7. They NEVER GIVE UP!
The RESILIENCE FACTOR by Reivich and Shatté is a book I highly recommend. There are 7 KEY Factors the authors' research identified as critical for measuring and increasing resilience. They created a self-assessment for these factors. You can take it now if you like. Everyone I've shared it with since then has found it to be an eye-opening exercise to work through. There are a number of useful strategies and tips for building resilience in real time for yourself and to help others (team, family, friends, etc.) Awareness that you need to do this, is of course the first step. I've put together a 10 Building Resilience Tips list for you.
All of these tips require you to think about your own mindset. I suggest this framing:
1. It is truly about YOUR CHOICES - your attitude, your decisions, your behaviors, your actions
2. It requires you to PAY ATTENTION - to what pushes your buttons, your beliefs about those things, and then what you feel and do about it in the moment and in the long run
3. It IS about taking back YOUR POWER and taking control of YOUR CHOICES
I hope you will continue to grow your resilience and build your "bounce back" muscles!
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QUESTION OF THE MONTH
"I have some difficult people on my team, particularly in our meetings. One gal who constantly interrupts others, and a guy who always has to be right. I've given them each Constructive Feedback, but clearly the message isn't getting through. What should I do now? ROXI'S ANSWER
I'm delighted you've used a tool I've talked about in this Newsletter. There are some possible reasons Constructive Feedback has not yet worked: 1. You were not clear enough about the impact of their behaviors on their own effectiveness, and/ or you may not have created meaningful consequences if/when they continued to behave in these ways. 2. They are both motivated by something other than your approval. You need to know what is driving their behaviors. People behave the way they do for one or more reasons. For instance - and I'm only guessing here - the interrupter may feel she won't have a chance to say anything or be heard if she doesn't make/force a space for herself. The "must be right" guy may be feeling insecure in his job, on the team, or in life, and needs to feel he's of value whether he gets it right or not. 3. Your team needs GROUND RULES. If you don't have them, you will need to make time to create them. Everyone on the team must be part of creating and enforcing them with you. A way to raise the issue is by putting on a team meeting agenda such as..."revisiting our team norms/operating principles, rules of engagement" whatever resonates with you. Then run a safe exercise so everyone can learn what everyone on the team NEEDS to feel valued and heard and contribute their very best selves. What are the behaviors that do and do not foster that work environment within the team? To learn more about giving and receiving Constructive Feedback and creating Ground Rules, download Lead Like It Matters...Because It Does or sign up for my on-line course, Leading With Impact: Your Ripple Effect. |
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REMINDER TO:
SAVE THE DATES OCTOBER 19-21
"HIRE RIGHT & FIRE RIGHT"
A 3-Day Leadership Intensive
A BRAND NEW COURSE CREATED AND TAUGHT
by ROXI I created this course because I KNOW how much pain there is around these topics, and I want to help you! I do know how to implement practical solutions and I will share them ALL with you. Yes, you will get the recipe for the "secret sauce"!
You will leave these 3 days knowing HOW TO: - Stop losing time, money, and good people - Embed a system for hiring right that everyone can learn and do
- Create a "hire the best" workplace culture where you won't 'settle'
- How to navigate hires and fires well, even in a unionized workplace
- Fire right when you should and when you have to
- Prevent law suits, bad press, and ugly or dangerous incidents
IF YOU HIRE AND FIRE...
This WILL be the most important thing
you do for your career and your organization in 2016
YOUR COURSE FEE INCLUDES:
- Full Course materials including a personal MBTI Step II Interpretive Report
- An Evening Reception and Registration October 18th from 5-7pm.
- 3 Yummy Lunches, 1 Yummy Dinner
- Optional Tours of Asheville, NC and the fabulous Sierra Nevada Brewery.
- You MUST BE REGISTERED with Roxi to receive group rate.
- Receive 2 CEUs and a Certificate of Completion at your request.
- A TON of learning and FUN!!
The ROI on this course is immediate! Every FIRE costs you 3x to 15X the fired person's salary. Let's prevent that problem. This course will pay off the minute you get ready to hire your next employee or gracefully say farewell to one who needs to go!
EARLY BIRDS...BOOK WITH ROXI BY APRIL 30TH and receive
There is a Non-Refundable deposit of $500 to hold your spot. Full payment Due by September 18, 2016. Total Course Fee = $2,495 USD
Those of you who know me well, know I'm a planner...I've booked this beautiful hotel, I've designed the course, and now I'm putting together your materials as well as writing a NEW BOOK on this topic. So let's get going! If you are unable to come, please forward this information to your colleagues and your professional and personal networks - so they can then bring back all the goodies to their organization, company, college or university.
My GREAT expectation for 2016, is we're going to ROCK IT!
Take a look at our great Hotel, Amenities, and Location!
This is a LEED Silver Certified - 4 Diamond Hotel
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The Question of the Month is Baaaaaack by popular demand. Thanks for the feedback!
We've updated the AskRoxi website to make it easier to navigate, to more easily sign up for Roxi's LEADING WITH IMPACT course on-line, and get cool free stuff (i.e. Leadership Wheel, 3 free course Chapters, and NEW...Couples Communication Survey). I hope you'll visit and share all these resources with your network! As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated - I read every single email you send - so keep them coming :0)
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