Dear   ,    

I recently appeared on an episode of TLC TV's "Hoarding: Buried Alive", where I worked together with other professional organizers to help a family clear out a lot of clutter from the home of a 93-year old woman and her 65-year old son.

You can watch the show (February 20, Season 6, Episode 2 - "Holding Mom Hostage"), to see more about this project, but what struck me while watching it back was the impact that hoarding (and even milder cases of clutter and disorganization) can have on an entire family.  See my article below on how to work together with your family to get more organized and reduce the clutter! 

Getting rid of your family's clutter and creating shared organizing systems can help you function better as a family and create more space for fun family activities.  Especially during the snowy days of extra family time at home, improving your home environment can pay off in better family relationships and a more organized life for all!

- Maryann Murphy 

 The Family that Organizes Together ...

Think about the impact of disorganization in your family:

• Do you avoid going to a relative's home (or having family to your home) because of excess clutter?
• Do you ever have arguments with anyone in your family over the amount of stuff (theirs or yours), the failure to put things "where they belong", or the difficulty leaving on time because someone can't find something?
• Does one family member's clutter impact other family members' health, safety or comfort?
• Do you and your family (or housemates) agree on the basic systems for organizing:
• the bills and other mail?
• the laundry?
• newspapers and magazines?
• the kitchen?
• homework or work papers?
• If not, how do the disagreements affect each of you?
• Is the next generation in your family learning good organizing habits from you?  What habits did you learn from your parents?

I've worked with a number of couples, families and roommates, and I've found that trying to organize together can be fun and productive, but it can also be a real challenge!  Family members often have strong feelings about each other's stuff, and are often not afraid to express those feelings.  Generally everyone believes their own strategy is the best, and they can dig in their heels, especially if they are feeling attacked themselves.  Once this happens, compromise is pretty difficult. But the way each individual manages their things can affect the entire household.

Here are a few tips for finding common ground around organizing challenges:

1. Focus on the Areas of Agreement first. What's working well in your household where most of you agree?    Why does this area work?  If you can find habits you agree on, try extending them into other areas - it's a lot easier than trying to start from scratch or from areas of disagreement.
2. Focus on Common Areas first.  Don't worry about the bedrooms until you've got a pretty good system going in the living room, kitchen, laundry and common bathrooms.  People are very protective of their private spaces, and don't want others telling them what to do there.  Once you've learned how to work well together in the common areas, it may be easier to offer help to each other with the more challenging private rooms.
3. Have an Open Discussion, rather than issuing an ultimatum, with everyone having a chance to share their thoughts and feelings.  Getting everyone engaged in coming up with solutions is more likely to result in outcomes that everyone will maintain.
4. Bring in Outside Help, especially for coming up with new organizing systems.  Whether it's a hoarding household or just some difference of opinion about how to fold the laundry, family members tend to treat each other a little better in front of an outsider, and professionals who do this work full time may have some suggested solutions that none of you has thought of yet.
• A clean-out company can take away piles of boxes, furniture, and miscellaneous stuff that feels overwhelming.
• In some cases (like the one on "Hoarding") a therapist may be needed to help with some of the underlying issues or at least to help the family focus on solving the hoarding problem.
• A professional organizer can help you focus on solutions that work for everybody, rather than on who's right and who's wrong.
• A professional organizer will also pitch in with the workload and show you how to make the work easier and more fun.
• A professional organizer will also provide systems to avoid 'backsliding' after all that good work has been done!
5. In many cases where I am called in to help, there is one person in the family (it's probably you, if you're reading this newsletter) who cares more about the clutter or disorganization than the rest of the family, or at least is more willing to try to do something about it.  It's okay to start on the project yourself, or with some help from a professional.  Very often, once the rest of the family starts seeing positive results, they become interested in participating and helping out.  Just remember to focus on your own stuff as much as possible in the beginning, to avoid resistance from other family members.  Your  good results will often be contagious!

Good luck with getting your family more organized.  It can actually be fun, and you'll definitely end up with more time and space for doing the really fun family activities together!