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As most of you know, four years ago, I moved to East St. Louis--to one of the housing projects called the John DeShields Neighborhood. These four years have been some of the best and most challenging. Some of the most exciting adventures of my life have been spent on the streets, corners and my back porch in John DeShields. I have seen walls come down and walls go up in the hearts of the people. Some welcomed me with open arms to the neighborhood; while with others, I sensed their prejudice and anger toward me for being in their neighborhood.
It has been a time of knowing that God's Presence was surrounding the neighborhood; while at other times, it felt like I was in a violent war zone. I have seen parents loving and doing the best they can do for their kids, and I have also seen parents coldly neglecting and abusing the ones they should be loving. I have seen teenagers enjoying just being a kid and playing basketball on the streets; then, in the same week, seeing these same teens getting arrested for stealing a car because they needed money. I have seen young men carrying their babies at their side and providing for their needs, but knowing they got this money by selling drugs in the popular spot called the "gang way," visible from my kitchen window.
This neighborhood and the people there have become a part of me... my sisters, my brothers, my children, my mothers. Even though this neighborhood is only about 15-20 minutes from suburbia, it is literally another world. A world where valuable people live, but these people also have deep pain and problems that influence the surrounding environment. To me, the John DeShields neighborhood is a wonderful and beautiful place because of the precious people who live there; but, at times, it is also a harsh, cold place of violence and pain that I experienced first hand, on a regular basis.
In October 2009, I began to sense that something was changing in God's grace regarding the ease that was on me to continue living in John DeShields. I didn't jump into making a move at that time because I knew I was to continue living there for that season. But, I knew a change was coming. During this time, the ministry began to grow and my apartment began to feel less and less like a home and more and more like a ministry office. It was where I slept, ate, did office work, ministered and stored all of the Dream Center belongings.
I knew that soon there needed to be a separate place for me to live and a separate place for the Dream Center to be based. I began to pursue office space near John DeShields for the Dream Center. In taking these steps to find office space, God began nudging me about personally moving out of East St. Louis. When this thought first came, I had a hard time taking it in and felt very sad about moving. For four years, East St. Louis had been my home and the people there... the ones dear to my heart. However, over several months, God slowly opened my heart to this idea and I began taking steps toward moving.
We moved into the Dream Center office space on June 7th. On July 2nd, I moved out of the John DeShields Neighborhood to a city 15 minutes away from East St. Louis. I can say that it was a bitter sweet time, but God's grace was on me and the people of the neighborhood. Before I moved, I had conversations with the teens individually and in groups about moving. These conversations bonded us closer together.
One teen girl cried for about 15 minutes as we talked through her feelings about me moving. I have known her since she was eight years old and I have never seen her cry. She is a tough cookie and barely shows emotion, but this conversation brought us closer and opened a door for her to express her feelings about my role in her life. I told her, and many other kids and adults, that I'm not leaving them. I reassured them that we will continue coming to the neighborhood, spending time with them and providing the same outreaches.
Since I moved two months ago, we have seen an increase in respect with the teens we reach, the young men we serve lunch, and various people from the neighborhood. There is a greater receptiveness and willingness to listen. We are seeing the saying of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" hold true. I have been refreshed and reignited with a passion for the people and for this ministry to which God has called me. Separating the ministry from my personal life has created a haven for me and allowed growth for both the ministry and for me personally. Having our office space at the Mary Brown Center (MBC) has allowed me to still be able to see the John DeShields' kids every day because they attend the MBC's after-school program. This has been a HUGE BLESSING!
God is so faithful in how He orchestrates things. I want to encourage you in whatever God is leading you to do. When you look at that step He wants you to take, you may be thinking, "I don't know how this is gonna work out." It may bring fear because it is uncharted territory for you. But, if God is nudging you to do it, you can KNOW that He is going to work it out to be better than it's EVER been. He is faithful to work all things out for our good, while at the same time using it to impact the lives of others (Romans 8:28). Your step of obedience will bring a harvest of good things and lives changed. Christ is in you... so you can do it!
LOVING East St. Louis,
Rachel :) |
