Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?
Did you once have a strong, caring and compassionate bond with a partner that now is weakened by resentments, criticisms, defensiveness or simply distance?
You're not alone. Many couples begin their lives together with a strong bond, based on love, respect and shared values, but find, over time, that they have grown apart and the love seems to be slipping away.
If your relationship is at risk, it's possible to make a change. But first, it's helpful to understand that the quality of our relationships is influenced by a host of factors: internal, personal and external, environmental and relationship factors.
Our relationships, whether loving or strained are affected by our personal thoughts, emotions, chemistry, neurology and genetic predispositions, as well as by external circumstances and interactions with our partner. For example, when we're busy or overloaded with work responsibilities or the demands of raising a family-or other life circumstances-we may be less likely to notice how our partner contributes to our life, happiness and family unit.
You can see how the stress of very simple situations can have a profound impact on your thoughts and emotions. For example, if you find yourself thinking repeatedly "he or she doesn't support me," Or "I do all the work," over time you might likely begin to feel resentful.
And although we often don't think of it, our thoughts and emotions occur as chemical reactions in our brains and throughout our bodies. With repetition, our thoughts can create neural pathways in our brain, making thinking with judgment and resentful feelings automatic. And what we think and how we feel has an impact on a wide array of body functions, from muscle tension to blood pressure.
So what can you do, if an important intimate relationship has deteriorated and is at risk?
It is possible to recognize relationship problems and to reconnect with the positive aspects of a relationship that brought you together as a couple in the first place.
There are some new methods that couples can try that have an immediate impact on their thoughts, emotions and yes, even on physical health and body chemistry.
For example, one technique simply helps couples bring a greater awareness to their thoughts. They need not try to change thoughts-especially those that are automatic, negative, judgmental or resentful-but simply notice when they are occurring. This simple action help each partner to gain insight into patterns in their own thoughts, feelings, and interactions and to respond to their partner with awareness, rather than out of old negative habits.
A second quick technique to improve a relationship in distress is to focus not on thoughts and emotions, but on body experience. As mentioned above, our thoughts and emotions occur as chemical reactions in our minds and in our bodies. We can have an impact on our thoughts and emotions and strengthen our positive connections to our partner by changing how we interact physically, strengthening our bonds through gaze, positive touch, and pleasurable sex and cuddling.
These exercises are examples of techniques that can change the quality of a couple's bond and can return a couple to loving interactions.
If you'd like to learn more about how to improve intimate relationships, join Dr. Fred Gallo and me, both international experts in Energy Psychology, in a webinar on April 12 (the second in our couples webinar series) called "Bring Back That Loving Feeling: Practical Energy Psychology with Couples."
In this webinar, Dr. Gallo and I will explore rapid Energy Psychology strategies to help couples shift from disconnection to resonance, layering techniques that work with primitive emotional barriers to closeness, and energy methods that couples can practice with each other.
To sign up for this innovative event, register here.
Have a great month,
Maggie
