The concept of safety is an important requirement for our early capacity to bond with significant others. And a sense of safety within our intimate relationships throughout life is central to our ability to trust.

Infants and children rely on their caregivers for love, compassion and protection from danger.  But physical and sexual abuse, neglect, inconsistency, loss and other overwhelming events, can shatter that feeling of protection.

A child with secure attachments is more likely to trust that others will help when needed and will believe that he or she is worthy of help.  These attitudes can benefit that child in the face of traumatic experiences and support growth into an adult capable of developing healthy relationships. 

But healthy connections can be disrupted even in early infancy and have both physiological and emotional consequences.  Infants who have experienced traumas such as birth complications, early surgery or illness, for example, may focus all their attention on potential threats, rather than other developmental achievements, such as exploration, learning and play. These infants may freeze, huddle on the floor and display other depressed behaviors in the presence of caregivers.

And we continue to learn more about how early stress and trauma can have lasting physiological effects. According to an overview of the research conducted by the US Department of Veteran's Affairs "Neural development occurs most rapidly in early childhood and is shaped by experience."

Prolonged stress and trauma in infancy can, according to this overview, "alter the brain and have negative long-term effects in many areas, including physical, mental, and emotional development."  Toxic levels of elevated stress hormones can impair brain circuit formation and cause biochemical alterations to the emotion regulation system.

Support from caregivers can increase a child's resilience in the face of external stressors. But when children don't have sufficient support to manage toxic stress, the chemical mediators released during stress can cause hyperarousal and increased blood pressure and heart rate, as well as difficulty in approaching others..

Researchers continue to explore the connections between our brain, neural circuitry, past experiences and our mental health.  One such researcher, Stephen Porges, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois, Chicago, and director for that institution's Brain-Body Center, suggests that an array of adult mental and emotional disorders are biological.  He has developed polyvagal theory, in his study of the human nervous system and the origins of brain structures, which posits that neural regulation of bodily states is fundamental to self regulation, which can enhance attachment and prevent both mild and severe psychological disorders.

Unraveling the influence of our childhood connections to others, our experience of trauma and our adult relationships can be complicated.  But one thing is clear: our experience of trauma and our ability to attach to others are closely linked. 

As much as attachments can be altered and weakened by traumatic experiences, recovery from trauma can be aided by strengthening safey and  attachments.  And both of these--troubled attachments and traumatic experiences-may negatively impact relationships into adulthood. They may cause an individual to avoid close relationships, feel insecure and anxious in relationships, take a passive role in relationships, or become insensitive or aggressive to others.

Avoiding Close Relationships:  If early caregivers were unavailable and self-absorbed or if trauma resulted in painful loss or distrust in the safety of the world, individuals may avoid connecting with others altogether or be distrustful when in a relationship. 

Why it's hard to trust:  When an individual avoids close relationships, they are often attempting to avoid painful emotions, such as grief, shame, anger or fear.  Early experiences of abuse and rejection can be internalized as hypersensitivity in general and/or sensitivity to rejection, which can cause people to avoid relationships or be ambivalent about relationships.  These individuals may portray themselves as detached, independent, strong and unaffected by others.

Feeling Insecure and Anxious in Relationships:  Another powerful attachment problem is to a pattern of insecurity and anxiety in relationships.

Why it's hard to trust: This can happen for a number of reasons; examples include having a parent or caregiver who is inconsistent or intrusive.  Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) is also associated with low self-esteem, insecurity and anxiety in relationships.

Taking a passive approach to problem solving: Trauma can teach an individual that the world is unpredictable, violent or overpowering. 

Why it's hard to trust: In the face of this type of overwhelming experience an individual may have learned that their efforts to influence relationships are useless and as a result may become passive in their interactions. A passive problem solver assumes that others are better at tasks, dismisses challenges as hopeless, copes with a fatalistic attitude, resignation and, defeat and gives up before they have started.  These individuals value relationships, but may struggle for autonomy, recognition and may dwell angrily on infractions or disappointments in relationships.

Becoming insensitive or aggressive:  Healthy early attachment allows individuals to maintain relationships and adapt to changes. Some researchers suggest that threatening, angry outbursts of partner violence are grounded in a profound form of relationship insecurity, which may be thought of as disorganized attachment.

Why it's hard to trust:  The unresolved traumas associated with such experiences as abuse, extreme parental conflict, parental alcoholism or a mother's life threatening illness can leave children confused and frightened in response to parents. The child may feel abandoned, helpless, vulnerable and unprotected. As an adult, the individual may desperately seek relationships, but feel unsafe and abandoned within relationships. Unresolved trauma and loss leaves the individual at risk of losing behavioral control, which can result in insensitive or aggressive behavior in a relationship.

Interventions for poor attachment and early trauma

The goal of these interventions with adults is to help the individual develop the capacity to trust and love, and by doing so, to live a happy and productive life.  Treatment might involve identifying early losses, mourning the loss of longed for relationships, providing closure to unresolved relationship needs with caregivers and changing how individuals think about and physically react to intimacy.

Attachment Therapy is an example of one treatment model, which may include inner child work, changing thoughts and feelings, learning to explore nurturing touch, and roleplaying among others,according to the Institute of Attachment and Child Development.

"One's own internal dynamics affect relationship satisfaction independently of the behavior of one's partner," researchers at the University of Illinois wrote of their exploration of the choices people make in simulated online dating relationships.

In order to best help people with attachment problems and those who have survived trauma it is imperative that we explore effective ways to heal their adult relationships. The human condition is one of resilience.  Trauma and past experiences need not end in in a life of unhealthy and fractured relationships.

For an interview click here, or for more information, please visit www.stephenporges.com.

And, for more about assessment and treatment of early trauma, remember that you have until the end of February to sign up for the teleseminar with Kathy Kain and me. Register now! (scroll down to find the registration link).  

Have a great month,

Maggie