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Bullying Can Occur At Any Age

 December, 2012

Quote of the month

  

"Most comedy is based on getting 

a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a 

major way. So I want to be 

an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting 

somebody else's feelings."

 

by Ellen DeGeneres

 

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Masters Degree - Applied Psychology from Seton Hall University

 

Post-Masters Degree-Marriage and Family Therapy from Seton Hall University

 

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

 

Private Practice 

since 2008

 

NJ work experience totaling 5 years

 

Married 24 years

 

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Lived in Indiana, 

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Greetings! 

 

Whether we are talking about a school age child being bullied by their classmate or an employee being harassed by her boss or a senior citizen being swindled by a pushy telemarketer, we are in essence referencing the same type of behavior; one person who feels they have power over someone else and uses that power to make the other person feel inferior or pressured to act in a certain way.  I hope to inspire you as you read the article below to reach out to someone in need that is being bullied or reach out as a friend to someone who is the bully.  You can make a huge impact on life either way. One person can make a difference.

 

Enjoy the information below and as always, please pass it on to anyone you believe may benefit from its content.

 

Sincerely,     

Maryellen Dabal, MA, LMFT

Southlake Counseling & Neurofeedback Center

420 North Carroll Ave Suite 140

Southlake, TX 76092

817-876-9958  

[email protected]

 

Missed previous newsletters??

Go to www.dabalmft.com.  Click on the newsletters link at the bottom of the home page. Enjoy.....

  

From The Positive Perspective.......

 

Research shows us that bullying behavior can occur for many reasons.  Often times these individuals feel as though they need to get another's attention by forcibly getting into the "space" of others.  They don't realize that politely approaching someone can get them the same result.  One positive attribute that I find in bullies, believe it or not, is their desire to be with others.  They truly want a connection that is meaningful; they just don't know how to go about asking for it or helping to create it.  No one has shown them that what they think is important and valuable.  No one has taken the time at a young age to get to know them, give them proper attention and accept them for who they are. 

 

My life experience as well as my professional experience has been that bullies are unable to make themselves feel good about who they are on their own.  In order to make themselves feel good, they have to demean and put down others so they can at least maintain that status quo and feel somewhat superior.  I was blessed to be raised in a home where I was encouraged to be nice to others but was also shown how to have boundaries to protect others from hurting me.  My parents were an integral part of shaping me to be who I am today.  They were involved in my life and were sure to know who my friends were as I was growing up and had a general idea of where I was most of the time.  Bottom line:  they cared about me and I knew it.  I could get comfort and support from them simply by asking and I knew it.  Again, in my experience, many bullies don't get that growing up.  There is no example in life of what it is like to be cared for and how to care for someone else.  They are forced to figure that all out on their own and many times they do not succeed in that quest without intervention of some kind.

 

If you are a parent or teacher or have young people in your life in some way, let them know you care. Demonstrate what it means to ask for help or advice and show them that it is OK to need others.  Asking for assistance from others does not make you weak but exactly the opposite; it takes courage to ask for help.  If you are being bullied, no matter your age, let someone know.  No one should force you to do something against your will.  You do not have to suffer in silence.  Help is out there.  Knowing your community resources can help you avoid being bullied by others.  If you are a student, you have school counselors who are there to help you; if you are an employee being bullied, go to your human resources department and learn what recourse you have; if you are a senior citizen, check with your friends or your children before committing any money to someone you do not know or signing a contract that you feel is not fair.  I encourage everyone to not make monetary commitments to anyone over the phone.  There are so many scams out there.  If the company is legitimate, they will send you something in the mail or give you a website to go to if you choose.  You then have time to investigate the company through the Better Business Bureau.  Be careful on Facebook and other Internet Communication sites as well.  Do not connect with people you do not know. 

 

So, if you are in a good place and can reach out to someone who needs help in this area, you could change their life dramatically just by extending a caring hand.  If you are the bully, you could be the catalyst that reaches out for help in learning how to change that behavior with someone who cares.

 

Taking the time to reach out to help yourself or someone you know who is suffering in this way can help you to look at the future of this issue From The Positive Perspective......

 

 

 

 

 

Feedback
I welcome feedback regarding the newsletter or questions about my practice.  I can be reached at [email protected].  I cannot, however, give advice through email. For more information on my practice please visit my website: www.dabalmft.com

I wish you well...