When was the last time you felt like someone was really listening to you? It seems like most people simply listen long enough to get enough information to respond and then try to force the conversation to a close so they can move on to their next thing. Research about today's workplace is showing that the inability to listen effectively is one of the biggest challenges facing today's workers.
The good news is that those who will demonstrate good listening skills are seen as more knowledgeable, caring, and qualified to serve in advanced leadership positions. Exercising these skills outside of work can also set the stage for stronger family relationships.
Some of the most "Important Things" or Its you can embrace to make you a better listener include:
Recognizing the value of every individual. What does this have to do with listening, you ask? When we see others as having value, we tend to listen more closely to what they are saying. Even if the person talking is someone we find difficult to work with, forcing ourselves to recognize some of their positive qualities helps our mind be more motivated to listen to what they are saying.
Listening to understand. While we talk at 100-150 words per minute, our brains can think at 1000-3000 words per minute. So you can see why it's so easy to have your mind wander while trying to listen to someone. When you feel your focus waning from the individual you're listening to, listen more intensely to their words. Try and summarize what you are hearing while they are talking and be prepared to summarize when they are finished speaking. Give your brain something to do related to the person in front of you instead of letting it just work on it's own.
Show you are listening. Smile and use other facial expressions. Check your posture. Does anything in the way you are sitting or standing say to the other person, "I'm not interested in what you are saying?" Leaning forward is always a quick way to show your interest. Refrain from holding anything in your hand like a pen, phone, or even car keys. Any of these items are distracting, and send the message to the speaker that you have other things you would rather be doing.
Offer feedback. Use phrases like, "I think I hear you saying..." or "Let me see if I understand..." If you are unclear about something they said, use a question like, "Help me understand what you meant by..." Asking questions shows you want to get the full intent of what they are saying to you.
Don't be judgmental. Because of our desire to move on quickly to something else, we try and figure out where the conversation is going, and make a quick judgment about what is going to be said. Try to refrain from making such judgment calls before they finish. Focus instead on summarizing their comments in your head as they are speaking and trying to listen for key words or phrases that give deeper insights about what they are trying to tell you.
Give an appropriate response. Once they are done talking, make a decision about what you think they want you to do in response to their comments. They may have just wanted you to listen, or they may be asking your opinion. If you aren't confident of what they are expecting from you, ask.
Just be prepared to reap some incredible benefits from being an effective listener-because it's rare in today's world, and people will notice more than you can imagine.
What is one active listening skill I can practice today?
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