Estate cases are always about family dynamics, just playing out in a different arena. Rather than the family kitchen table it's the lawyer's or mediator's conference table. As a mediator my hope is to help these families resolve the issues in front of them with a minimum of pain and tears and less money than a full blown contested hearing or trial.
The executor or personal representative's job is to marshall the estate assets and distribute them according to the decedent's will. Unfortunately, when family dynamics are sour adversarialness increases and disputes that may have been tamped down can erupt after a parent is gone. So the personal representative's initial instincts may be not to share information broadly. She or he just follows the bare minimum of what is required by the estate administration codes and rules.
Disputes about small estates are often about "stuff", whether it be mom's jewelry, dad's coin collection, old furniture or other articles that are embedded with meaning by the heirs. These cases are especially suitable for mediation. Often the executor or personal representative has counsel but the other heirs are unrepresented. In this event the first issue that gets mediated is who gets to participate in the process. In one case that I mediated the dispute was between the personal representative who had inherited the family home in which he lived and the other siblings. When several other siblings appeared at the mediation the attorney for the estate wouldn't let them participate. They stayed in the waiting room and served as a resource if needed. The strong box with many items of the decedent's personal property was brought into the mediation room and the parties went through every item, comparing it against the vague description left by mom as well as the memories of the brother and sister.
"Stuff" can also be an issue in much larger estates. It's only of a bigger magnitude and value. The issues and the emotional content are the same. In another matter I handled the parties to the mediation were two sisters, one of whom was the personal representative. Both represented by able counsel who, taking on their clients preferences, asked to start the mediation in separate rooms. I declined to do this. One counsel and her attorney sat at one end of a long conference table while the other sat at the far end with me. It wasn't my preferred seating arrangement but if I had handled the mediation by shuttling back and forth between two adjoining conference rooms the case would not have settled. Each of these sisters had to get something off their chest before they could compromise and settle the dispute. They wouldn't have accomplished this by my relaying their emotionally charged statements in a settlement conference style mediation.
The degree of conflict in some disputes can be minimized by more sharing of information by the personal representative with the heirs. Several of the cases I've handled could have been avoided if the attorney for the personal representative shared accountings, bank statements and other important documents with the heirs. When family members don't have information it is natural for them to become concerned, distrustful and even suspicious. It is often a motion to compel the release of documents that sparks a court order for mediation.
