I recently saved a turtle. Followed by a small Papillon dog with big butterfly ears. And an elderly woman on the streets of New York.

The large turtle had crawled out of a small pond on one side of a driveway and was headed to a pond on the other side. But he was walking the wrong way, headed directly into traffic on a major street. Let's just say the rescue involved my car blocking traffic and the turtle being waved in the air like a flag in explanation to the angry drivers.

The dog was obviously someone's pet. But he too, was headed into a busy street. With the help of another woman, I got him in my car and called the surprised owner to come get her dog.

The older woman literally fell backwards next to my husband and me as we were crossing a street in New York City. We had just arrived and were looking for a place to eat. The woman was telling us she had been feeling dizzy a lot lately.  

Her fall was slow motion and she was bundled up with a knit cap, so she didn't fall hard. We got her safely back to her building and into the hands of the doorman - instructing him to call 911. Through the glass wall of the lobby, I saw the lady almost fall again as we walked away, the doorman catching her and helping her to a bench to wait.

It felt like I was on quite a roll - a cross between a very minor superhero and perhaps someone who should have their own reality show about random urban rescues.  Each time, I walked away feeling good that I was in the right place at the right time. I was reminded of the work of one of my favorite artists, Leigh Standley, who painted a brave woman riding a scooter with the words, "I am convinced that with a cape and a good tiara, I could save the world."

I guess that's why so many of us become caregivers. It makes us feel like we're doing something worthwhile when we help someone, especially someone important to us. But many of us push it a bit much, don't we? We feel like we need to be superheroes all of the time. We think we need to take care of whatever comes up, no matter what.

It's wonderful that helping people and animals makes us feel good.  It must be the universe's way of validating that our actions are making the world around us better. But we also have to remember that underneath the cape and the tiara, we're still people.

We can help, but we can't do it all. If we try to do it all - all of the time- we're setting ourselves up for failure or at least exhaustion. I may have been able to save the turtle alone, but it took more than one person to save the dog and help the elderly woman who fell.

Perhaps it's better to share the glory. After all, other people want to be superheroes too. If we allow our neighbor, the woman at church, or perhaps another relative the opportunity to help, it's like good work doubled or tripled.  

We help someone, we allow someone else to help, and we help ourselves not get too overextended. 

And then we will really have saved the day. 

Carol Zernial 

Question:

I help manage my disabled brother's finances. His tax refund this year was about $500 less than it should have been. The IRS took the money out of his refund because they indicated he had an overpayment on his Social Security record from when he was in high school almost 15 years ago. At that time, our mother was in charge of receiving his Social Security. Is this something he can appeal?

Answer:

*Oscar Garcia is a Public Affairs Specialist with the Social Security Administration. 

You can direct your questions to him at: SSA, 411 Richland Hills Drive, San Antonio, Texas, 78245. You can also email him at Oscar.h.garcia@ssa.gov.  

 

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It's time to banish the word "informal" when referring to the complex care provided by family and friends. Read why, in a new AARP Public Policy Institute blog,  Family Caregiving: There's Nothing Informal about It.