My mother-in- law never knew my name. She already had Alzheimer's disease when my husband and I first started dating. Whenever she saw me, she would say, "You're that sweet, young thing."And I would reply, "Yes, I am."

She had difficulty distinguishing between what she saw on TV and reality. She would tell us that Queen Elizabeth drove by her house that day in a carriage. And you wouldn't believe it, but the Queen actually leaned out of the carriage window and waved.

Her recurring story was that she was Mrs. Johnny Carson, who was really host of "The Tonight Show" at the time. To my mother-in-law, however, Johnny was the President of the United States, and he was picking her up to take her to the White House. Every night, she packed her pale blue overnight case and sat near the front door waiting for him to call for her. She would gradually get tired and go to bed, sleeping late into the next morning.

When we set our wedding date, my father-in-law told us that they wouldn't be coming. We were both shocked and saddened. We finally figured out that he was afraid that my future mother-in-law would do something to embarrass us or "ruin" our day. We told him that it didn't matter what she did, that we wanted them at the wedding and we would just deal with whatever happened.

At the wedding rehearsal dinner, the food was slow getting out. I looked over and my mother-in-law was eating the small square butter pats off of the table one after the other. The waitress was staring at her - horrified. I smiled and asked if we could go ahead and get some bread to go with that butter.

At the wedding, an amazing thing happened. My mother-in-law thought all of the people had come to see her. They got in a line to her to congratulate her, and she was gracious in her thanks, shaking each hand. She smiled and waved from the front of the church like she was the Queen on that day. She had a wonderful time.

Normally, I am what my loved ones might affectionately call "a control freak." But studies have shown that people who age the best with better health and a good quality of life are people who are flexible. The species that have survived the longest throughout evolution are those who learn to adapt. Flexibility is the key.

I've never forgotten what I learned that day. I didn't have to be in control of everything. It was okay to let go a bit, maybe even a lot. It didn't really matter that much. Perhaps it was the motherly advice she would have given me if she could have.

And so my mother-in-law, who had Alzheimer's, who had lost all but the smallest words, and who never really knew who I was, gave me the greatest wedding gift of all. 

Carol Zernial 

Question:

I live with my older sister.  She recently stopped working because of her declining health. I retired early so I could stay home and help take care of her. We are completing her application for Social Security disability. Is there any way Social Security can speed up the time frame before we hear if she will be approved or not?

Answer:

To help expedite the disability process, we recently announced the addition of 25 new Compassionate Allowances conditions. These new conditions

Read entire article. 

*Oscar Garcia is a Public Affairs Specialist with the Social Security Administration. 

You can direct your questions to him at: SSA, 411 Richland Hills Drive, San Antonio, Texas, 78245. You can also email him at Oscar.h.garcia@ssa.gov.    

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