Silence is golden. Unless you have a preschooler, then silence is suspicious.
A confident little boy was practicing baseball. He said: "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player in the world!" Then he threw the ball up and made a huge swing and missed. He picked up the ball again, said: "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player in the world!" threw the ball up, took a great big swing, and missed again. Once more, he said: "I'm going to be the greatest baseball player in the world!" threw the ball in the air, made his biggest swing yet, and missed the ball yet again. He raised both his arms and cheered: "Hooray! I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!!"
You don't have to look like you fell out of the back end of a hearse, to be a Christian.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=ZNM0ENUCO5I watch this... hysterical...
"There is more power in a mother's hand than in a king's scepter." - Billy Sunday
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME... My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...
"How do you think you got here?" My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home." My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home." My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me about RELIGION...
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about IRONY...
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM...
"Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck?!" And finally, my mother taught me about JUSTICE...
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."
Mother's Day Gifts Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
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May 19 
