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Communication Matters Newsletter

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What NOT to Say:  To make a long story short
 
In this month's two minute video edition of What Not to Say, we discuss phrases referring to time...
  
What Not To Say -- To make a long story short...
What Not To Say -- To make a long story short...
 
Click here to watch our other short, 2-3 minute videos on What NOT to say.

Diamonds for MillsWyck Logo Why trusting your instinct when speaking is not always best

 

Just a few days ago as we were planning to leave the house, a bird was flitting about my garage.  As I tried to encourage him (her?) to exit the garage, I discovered something amazing about this particular brand of bird (which I confess I can only describe as "small"). 

 

Even though the garage door was wide open - and I soon made it TWO garage doors wide open - the bird would not fly out.  He (she?) was clearly agitated.  After just a short bit of me chasing him (her?) around with a broom, the bird (and I) was tired.  He (she?) would land on any horizontal surface or support brace, only to become airborne again and fly to the limits of the room.  I am not a bird whisperer, but he (she?) looked scared, exhausted, and clearly out of sorts.  That's where I discovered something hard-wired in the bird's psyche (ornithologists, please chime in here). 

 

It seems that when danger -- perceived or real (and I suppose a wild man waving a broom qualifies as a real threat) - occurs, the bird flies.  Up.  Never down.  He (she?) would flap against the ceiling, against the shelves, and a few times, just a few feet from freedom, against the now horizontal garage door on the way to higher altitudes.  In this case, a few feet of level horizontal flight yielded the freedom of the outdoors, but the bird would NOT fly anywhere but up.  We ended up leaving, left the garage doors wide open, and the bird had departed - thankfully - on our return.  Apparently without the stress of a broom-wielding person chasing him (her?), he (she?) was able to return to ground level for an exit.

 

It caused me to wonder what instincts we have that are harmful and keep us from achieving the very thing(s) we desire.  I didn't have far to look to find some examples from the field of speaking.

 

In the world of parenting, children caught in an untruth, possible cornering of a bad position, or an outright lie will speak and try to explain themselves, when silence would be a much  better tactic (don't ask how I know this!). 

 

For speakers, the instinct to feature the things that cause them concern is an apparently strong pull that even well-seasoned professionals cannot suppress.

 

When the fear of speaking sets in, speakers clutch things-their notes, the lectern, a pen -- which causes the stress to increase, not decrease.

 

When clarity is elusive, speakers speed up and say more and more that is harder to understand, instead of pausing and finding their core message.

 

When pressed for time, speakers seem to naturally mention time even more, thus drawing attention to the very thing that is causing them trouble.  (Refer back to this month's What NOT to say when referring to time.) 

 

Apparently, instinct - also known as "do what comes naturally" - is NOT an asset when the stakes are high.  It is at these points that TRAINING is most valuable. Training is the ability to do what is CORRECT, even in the face of something that is scary, difficult, unnatural, or downright contrary to what we feel or want. 

 
When you find yourself facing a high-stakes situation (speaking or otherwise), trusting your instinct is a very dangerous thing to do.  It could lead to you being trapped, confined, or even exhausted and on the verge of (figurative) death.  Instead, seek out training that will give you the skills you need to overcome the tendencies and trends that are not helpful.
 

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On the Blog
 
Offer something unexpectedly wonderful for your (existing) customers

On recent visit home, my frustration with my parent's internet connection led me to inquire about their service. They had just been through several weeks without service (ultimately solved by a technician "patching them into a new line" in less than 30 minutes). They had spent hours/days on the phone and never returned the internet to its service condition until a final complaint was registered over the phone and with the State's business complaint unit.


This is a major player in the communications world. Named after the country. Involved in telephones (and before that, telegraphs). They should be able to handle requests.


Knowing the parents were less than happy about the customer service end of this company, I decided to call on their behalf. I had already determined.....read more.

 
January 2014
In this issue
What NOT to Say video
Why trusting your instinct when speaking is not always best
On the Blog
Upcoming Workshops
Upcoming Speaking Events
Twitter Quick Tips
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2014 Workshop dates
Jan 27, 28
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May 12, 13
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Two days that will change your life!  This highly interactive, hands-on workshop gives you the skills to face an audience and deliver content in a clear, concise, and compelling manner. Close that deal, give that career-changing presentation, or motivate your audience to action. Speak with confidence, power, and ease. 
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Upcoming Speaking Events

  

The Society for Technical Communication

January 16
Alan will speak at STC Carolina on the topic "Sound Like You Feel: Public Speaking with Passion."


StepUp Ministry
January 23
Alan continues his six-part training series with this fantastic organization whose goal is to build stable lives through jobs and life skills training.


If you need a speaker for your next corporate meeting or professional organization, contact us at [email protected].  Check out our keynotes here or let us customize one to fit your needs.

Twitter --  Quick tips

Follow us on TwitterNot following us on Twitter yet? Here are some speaking tips you may have missed:

"An open should do two things: get an audience's attention and set the stage for everything you're about to say."

"Excuses don't help. Own it and fix it, if possible. But never open by explaining how bad things are going."

"Two pictures--one from the front, one from the back--from a client will tell you most everything you need to know about a room."
 
"If you can't explain it quickly, you can't explain it at all!"
 
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Find out more about our public workshops, corporate training, private coaching, and keynote speaking at www.millswyck.com. 
MillsWyck Communications
Communication  matters.  What  are  YOU saying?
  
Alan Hoffler, Philorator (Teacher & Lover of Speaking)
(919) 386-9238 

Alan Hoffler is the Executive Director and Principal Trainer at MillsWyck Communications.  He is a Trainer, Speaker, Consultant, and Coach who passionately moves others to effective and engaging communication.