You raised the question, "Why all the bad when there is supposed to be a God of love out there?" Let me answer your question the best I can.
1. There is also a devil out there.
2. We are free moral agents and God gives us the right to make our own choices.
3. Heaven was a perfect place. The devil challenged God's government, and there was war in heaven. The devil was cast down to this earth, and now we see the fruit of his work. Crime, pain, suffering, sickness, and death are everywhere, and God gets blamed for what Satan does.
4. The best way for God to reveal His ways are best is to let events take their full course. In the end, it will be clearly seen that the devil's ways bring only sin, death, and destruction.
5. God's ultimate goal is that sin will never raise its ugly head a second time, and the universe will be secure forever.
6. If God wiped out evil people then we might worship Him out of fear.
Dear cousin, Satan has deceived you most of your life, and now he is turning up the heat just before you are released. This is your opportunity to find true freedom. I can speak frankly because you have shared with me your weakness and sins. I love you, but look hard in the mirror and let the process God is allowing you to go through to set you free once and for all. Do not fight back, justify your past actions, or resist the working of the Holy Spirit. Let God clean you up so He can fill you with His love and goodness.
You can deny God and continue trying to fix things yourself, or you can surrender your heart to the Lord right now. I have led many to Jesus for healing. You had a difficult start in life with your mom and dad. I understand your pain and disappointment. The battle is not easy, for sure. I have learned when the going gets really tough, to go to the Bible. Yes, the BIBLE! Why? Because there is true power there. The Word helps me find peace and strength to endure when I fear I cannot any longer. It gives me hope -- hope to trust in God and not in myself. His grace is sufficient and will strengthen me in my time of need.
You will be released in six months and the Lord is completing the work He began in you (Phil. 1:6). I love you and God loves you. He has given you the right correctional counselor before you are released to point out your defects of character. Do not be afraid. Nobody likes to see himself and what he has done to hurt others. "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee (Deut. 31:6). God wants to set you free from prison and the prison house of sin, never to return.
In closing here are some promises I claim when I am in trouble. Go to Jesus like a friend and quote His promises back to Him. It impossible for God to lie.
"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him" (Isaiah 59:19).
"And call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify Me" (Psalms 50:15).
"The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe" (Proverbs 18:10).
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded" (James 4:7, 8).
Look to the cross, my friend. Jesus died for you! I remember the day I saw my life in light of the cross. I saw a love that I had never known possible. Jesus dying for His enemies, and I was one of them. If you will get on your knees and surrender your heart to Him, He will reveal Himself to you. You may not get your answer tonight, but be patient. I am praying for you, and requesting that others will pray for you, too.
I love you,
Cousin Danny