This article has taken many turns over the past couple of weeks, but in the end I decided to just be honest and vulnerable with you, sisters. The past few months have been very difficult for me. I went through the usual "winter funk" that maybe some of you experienced, but come March I wasn't quite able to snap out of it. I was going through some kind of depression and couldn't put my finger on why. I have been through periods in my life when anxiety stepped in, but those times were usually around major life changes happening, I knew what to pin the anxiety on, and I was able to get through it pretty quickly. This season of my life has been different and has left me wondering what is going on with me to create this dark time. 

Taught to Pray by a Homeless Woman

I have often passed our street corner lately with an uncomfortable feeling. We have new residents in town-and not ones that will contribute to the city in revenue. In fact, they cost the city, as the police have to deal with vagrancy and other infractions. Several churches have set up places to feed them. They are our homeless. 

I never used to call them "our" homeless. I didn't want to feel any responsibility toward "these" people. One young stocky woman, about 21, waves happily to each car that passes, hoping some will stop and contribute. It makes my blood boil that a young, healthy person has nothing better to do than beg for a living. But then, as always, my emotions turn into guilt as I wonder, "What would Jesus do for this woman?"

Another woman has driven me to think about the conflict within me. She came into the church with her cart full, things dropping out of it. She wore a scarf, covering her dirty blond hair. Her clothes were soiled and you could smell where she had been. Everyone did what he or she could at fellowship time. Some gave her extra food, a few sat at her table, some shoved some money in her hand. (I frowned at that! What if she just buys drugs?)

It dawns on me that the woman is teaching me something.  I am moving from the known, what I thought I understood about compassion and mercy, to the unknown as I ask myself, "What would Jesus do for this woman?  What is He able to do in me if I surrender this to Him?  And then, what is He able to do in the homeless woman if I am Jesus' hands and feet?"

Have you struggled with these inner conflicts? Take them to Jesus and let Him show you how to pray-and respond.