We've talked about a plan of action and thinking things through. It's primary, though, to be very specific both about your goal, and behaviors involved in the change. It's easy to say, "I want to be a better person," or "I want to be thinner," or "I want to change my career." None of those statements are very specific and are hard to tie down into measurable changes.  We can get started in a gung ho fashion and rapidly lose momentum when we realize there is no specific end in sight.

This means we need to set small objectives that are realistic and attainable in order to get to a larger goal. Wanting to become a doctor means first getting a bachelor's degree. Getting that means getting into a college one can afford and that will meet the necessary requirements to get into medical school. Probably not the kind of goals we're talking about here, but you get my drift. Every goal needs to be specific and be able to be broken down into measurable pieces.  We all need to see results to better gauge our progress. These can also help in constantly evaluating our goals and our desire to continue pursuing them. 

So when reaching for a big goal, like "I want to be thinner," break it down into realistic steps, such as, "I want to lose 2 pounds a week for the next 12 weeks, so that by May 1st I will have lost 24 pounds." And don't forget what we talked about in the last tip about thinking it through and having a specific plan of action.

So, now let's say you've reached your goal. It's been long, hard, rewarding work. You've probably learned a lot more about yourself and other things than you bargained for when you first made this decision and set your goals and plan of action. You're feeling pretty good about yourself and these goals, as you should.  After a while this feeling will begin to fade, the newness will wear off and things will become routine and, perhaps, even boring. Sound familiar?

This is the next and, in some ways, most important phase of this process, because it is a process.  In order for the change to be maintained, work is required and a commitment to follow through, even on those occasions when you'd rather revert to old ways. In some ways, this may be the hardest stage of the change process, maintaining the new behavior.

In order to do this, you first have to stay aware and be mindful of your vulnerable times, your weak points, if you will. Knowing these allows you to have a plan of action to deal with them and a way to handle things if you revert to your old behavior. One thing is for sure, beating yourself up and putting yourself down when you slip doesn't help in the long run. Instead, ask yourself what you might say to a friend if they backslid and were trying to get back on track. 

It's also important to maintain that good support system, people around you to stick with you in the new behavior and to encourage you when you're struggling. Remember, they say it takes 21 repetitions of a new behavior to have it become a new habit. I guess the lesson is to keep plugging away, and when you get discouraged, talk it out, be kind to yourself, pick yourself up and start all over again. Call Solutions EAP at 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all of life's challenges. It's free, confidential and open to your family members. www.solutions-eap.com