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I spent two years living as a "dry drunk" and I certainly wouldn't recommend it. I maintained my sobriety for three years after going to treatment - I went to meetings and worked my program. Then one day I stopped going to meetings. It wasn't long before I was back to being the person I was before I quit. For two years I managed not to drink, but, not surprisingly, almost five years to the day I quit, alcohol got the better of me and I started drinking again.
The term "dry drunk" can refer to either someone who has given up drinking and drugging and has not made any internal or emotional changes; or, is someone, like me, who was once on a path of recovery, but stopped working their program and slowly returned to being dysfunctional - what AA calls "restless, irritable, and discontent".
In the first case, people can white-knuckle it and quit drinking or using for long periods of time, but I can guarantee they are not living happy. Not everyone who finds full recovery has gone to treatment, but they will have dealt with their mental and physical cravings, and their underlying emotional issues. If they aren't doing this work, then I would say they are living the life of a dry drunk.
In the second case, the lesson I learned is that it is easy to slip back and undo all the good that was done if you stop working your program. I thought I could stop going to meetings and be okay, but because you aren't working through your stuff on a regular basis you revert back to old behaviours and ways of coping. Because denial is such a big part of the disease you don't realize what is happening to you.
There are a number of symptoms a dry drunk might exhibit, some of which include:
- Feeling lonely and tired
- Getting angry easily
- Feeling sorry for oneself, constantly complaining
- Denying the extent of their former addiction problems
- Becoming manipulative
- Isolating from family and friends
- Being secretive
- Resenting being described as an addict
- Looking for reasons to start drinking/using again
- Blaming problems on others
- Thinking about the "good old days"
- Losing interest in hobbies
Anyone in recovery might have a bad day and act in any of these ways; however, a dry drunk is a combination of different negative behaviours over a period of time. Being a dry drunk does not mean someone will relapse, but it is a warning sign that something is very wrong.
This is where family members and friends can help hold up a mirror and let us know we are slipping. If this happens we need to talk with our sponsor and work our program even harder - maybe go to more meetings, read AA literature, or do some volunteer work.
It is easy for someone to start feeling complacent about their recovery after coming out of treatment, but from personal experience, I know that we can't afford to stop working our continuing care program because the alternative is not fun. When I started drinking again it didn't take long before I was hurting badly enough to want to get sober again. Living clean and sober is so much better than living as a dry drunk.
By Connie Constantine
Support Staff Scheduler
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viduals with 6 months or more sobriety. Using individual and small group dynamics, you focus on issues that may be preventing you from experiencing all that could be available in your Recovery. Begins August 16, 2012. 3 day all inclusive program 