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For those of us in recovery who are raising children it's easy to feel overwhelmed at the thought of guiding them through today's drug scene. We've been through it... we know what peer pressure feels like... we know how seductive drugs, including alcohol, can be... we know how devastating that life can quickly become... we know we don't want our children to experience what we experienced. For me, as someone raising two daughters age 11 and 14, and knowing what I know, I find it hard not to be a control freak and want to put my girls in a bubble.
Despite the fact that our kids are a lot smarter when it comes to drugs - they learn about drugs in school as part of the curriculum at several different grade levels - drugs continue to be a big problem in our society when it comes to our youth. They are exposed to a greater variety of drugs that are stronger, cheaper, and easier to find.
Despite all the media attention on illegal drugs, however, alcohol is still teenagers' drug of choice. Teens use alcohol more frequently and more heavily that all illicit drugs combined. Kids who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to develop alcohol dependence compared with those who have their first drink at age 20 or older. For the first time, studies show that today's teens are more likely to have abused a prescription painkiller than any illicit drug. The majority of teens who abuse alcohol or prescription drugs say they get them for free from their friends or relatives.
With each generation it is common for adolescents to want to experiment with alcohol and drugs. Many kids start using as a way to 'fit in' and be socially accepted, or as a way to escape the day-to-day stresses they encounter and feel more confident. Unfortunately, most young people don't usually see the link between their actions today and the consequences tomorrow. Typically, teens have a tendency to feel indestructible and immune to the problems that others experience.
I teach my kids everything they do has consequences - either good or bad and they have to think through what the outcome is going to be - if you do this, then this will happen. As they get older I can share more of my story with them in an age appropriate way. For those of us in recovery I think we need to be honest and let them know why we have concerns. It is so important they understand the genetic component - that they are at a higher risk to become addicted than their friends.
As part of the addiction clinical team here at Cedars, and as a parent, my best advice to other parents is to be involved with your kids. Know your child's friends and their friends' parents. Keep in mind you are their parent, not their friend. If you have a good open, honest relationship and are talking with them, you will know what is going on, who they are hanging out with, and how they spend their time.
To help them gain confidence, I like to role play with my girls ways they can refuse to go along with kids who might try to push drugs at them. I also want them to feel comfortable in coming to me if something happens. In survey after survey, kids report that their parents are the single most importance influence when it comes to drugs.
Sometimes, even if we do all the right things as a parent, there is still a chance our kids may start drinking or using drugs without our knowing. It is critical to be aware of possible warning signs. I would suggest parents be on the lookout for changes in behaviour such as becoming more defiant, sneaking around, wanting to be alone more, and having trouble concentrating. In addition, health changes such as losing weight, sleeping more, red or puffy eyes may also indicate a problem.
It can be difficult because teens are often susceptible to changes in mood or attitude, and these signs may indicate a problem such as depression. But if you suspect your child may be using drugs don't panic - be calm and respond rather than react. Pick a time when you will not be interrupted to talk with them. You may well get defiance, but approach with them as best you can with love and kindness. If your child admits to trying drugs explain your concerns about drug use. They need to know there is a different way to do it; that they don't have to go down this road.
If your child comes home drunk or high, don't get angry... send them to their room and let them know you will discuss the situation in the morning. Check on them during the night and if they show signs of being seriously ill, call a doctor. In the morning talk about appropriate consequences. If you have any reason to feel concerned, seek out professional assistance. When there is a genetic predisposition to addiction, as a parent you do need to be wary and make sure their substance abuse does not escalate and get out of hand. If you felt that was happening I would suggest getting them into treatment as soon as possible.
Raising kids today can feel overwhelming for so many different reasons. Just like dealing with my own addiction, all I can do is try to live it one day at a time.
By Debbie Peterson
Cedars Clinical Technician | 
