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In this issue, we have the opportunity to hear from Central Chapter member, Jaimie Gilmore LMFT. Perhaps a familiar face to many of you Jaime has been a active member of the NJAMFT Central Chapter Board for many years. 

It was my second year of college at Rutgers University (proud Douglass grad here) and I knew I wanted to work with couples.  I majored in Psychology and took an abundance of classes in Sociology, Sexuality and Women's Studies for fun, not to mention some dance, film and theater classes. By the time my senior year came around I could not imagine going back to school right away. I felt fried. I discovered an externship in Human Factors

Jaime Gilmore LMFT

Engineering through the Psychology department my senior year and decided it was interesting enough for me to try. I did my externship at Lucent Technologies and performed research on Web Graphical User Interface (GUI) elements and all of a sudden I was on a very different career path.  Right from graduation I had multiple job opportunities, but the one I chose was with Telcordia Technologies. I became a Usability Engineer and thought to myself every day "what am I doing here?" That question was quickly answered. This was where I received my "real world, corporate America" experience, which was invaluable as it essentially confirmed for me that corporate America was not for me. I traveled. I did presentations (which is so not my comfort zone).  I was now working in telecommunications and felt I did not belong. While I knew I did not fit in, the primary reason for this part of my journey became very clear. It was here where I met my adorable, funny, genuine and amazingly intelligent husband, Dustin. To explain simply what our jobs entailed - I wrote the requirements for what the product should do and he would make it work. Sounds similar to some marriages I would say!  This experience changed my life for the better. I had a career and managed to meet the love of my life. This worked until I found myself not enjoying the work more and more and spending more time getting to know my co-workers and even spending a lot of time with some of them as they spoke to me about their lives.  I said to Dustin - "what is it about me and what can I do with this?" It dawned on me - I need to go back to school.  My initial plan was to study Sexology. I researched various schools.  This was when I discovered Marriage and Family Therapy. I realized I could work with couples and use that to specialize in Sex Therapy. I had it all figured out (not really).  

I loved my experience at Kean University for graduate school. I went from being an Honors Student most of my life, to a "good enough" student in college to an "I must get an A on every single assignment" student in graduate school. I knew I was on the right path. I loved the work.  I loved the classes. I longed to learn more and more. I enjoyed writing my thesis.  My professors were incredible. My classmates became some of my very best of friends and eventually colleagues. I knew I had finally found a place for myself. I loved the whole experience.  Well, up until my first day of clients. While I enjoyed learning about the field of Marriage & Family Therapy - I had in no way prepared myself for actually SEEING clients.  I did my internship at Family Service League in Montclair, which almost single handedly set me on the path to the best experience any newcomer to the field of MFT could ask for. My dream was always to work with couples. After my first session with a couple I said: "I never want to see another couple again!" I literally said that. 

My supervisor, Wally Weikert, opened my eyes and my experience to the world of family therapy. He exposed his interns to a unique way of looking at symptomatic families and challenged me to think outside of the box. It was his teaching that actually prepared me for the exam I would eventually have to take for licensure. He introduced me to the American Family Therapy Academy (AFTA) and helped me become one of the first student members ever. I went on to attend training after training.  I could not get enough and I was not even allowed to collect CEUs! I placed a special emphasis on the teachings of Structural Family Therapy and did a two-week externship at the Minuchin Center in NYC. Upon graduating from Kean, I continued to do work at Family Service League, while simultaneously working for Lorraine Barry of At Home Marital and Family Counseling in Middlesex County. This experience truly influenced the type of therapist I would become. Lorraine introduced me to the unique experience of doing in-home therapy, which, as a family therapist, almost seemed a necessary experience to have. I am not sure you can fully appreciate the challenges a family faces until you have seen them in their own element. My clients came through child services and many lived their lives having outsiders, like myself, visiting their homes day in and day out. It presented a multitude of challenges for me - emotional struggles due to the nature of some of the trauma presented, feeling limited by the expectations of caseworkers, feeling protective of the families involved and the biggest struggle of all, which continues to plague me to this day, feeling, at times, ineffective in helping them overcome their traumatic situations.  

A big year for me both personally and professionally was 2009. This was the year Dustin and I purchased our first home and a month after closing would go on to enter the world of marital bliss! It was also the year I actually began taking a real interest in our organization. Maria Seddio, then President of NJAMFT, would send a letter to AAMFT that would rock my world. I reached out in gratitude, she reached out in appreciation, and the rest is history. It was then that the birth of the Lifeline Campaign would take place and I would rally alongside two of my dearest friends, José Perez & Denisse Bergondo, representing the voice of early career MFTs. Through my work with José and our establishment of a true friendship, a door was opened to me. I completed the externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and José recommended me to his friend and colleague, Angela DeCandia.  Angela is one of only a few certified EFT clinicians and supervisors in NJ  and here I was lucky enough to get an interview. That interview led to a job where I would be receiving, through my own perception and experience, some of the best EFT training and supervision available. While I knew Angela and José from Family Service League, it was not until I started to volunteer with NJAMFT that these opportunities started to come my way (hint, hint)!

In 2011 I was doing part time work with both Lorraine and Angela all while simultaneously experiencing my own personal struggles. This was my struggle to get pregnant. Due to some health obstacles, our efforts to conceive on our own were a struggle. This led us through the experience of seeking help through infertility, which eventually led to our undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF). This gave both of us the opportunity to really experience how important it was to have patience and an abundance of support, which we were lucky enough to have. As long and tedious of a process it was, we managed to be successful on the first try and nine months later I would be fortunate enough to earn the title of Mom. Mason Gilmore Torsello was born on April 3, 2012 and my life was forever changed.  Not only had the experience of becoming a mother changed me personally; it altered my approach to my therapeutic work so significantly that I barely recognized myself at times. It was an amazing transformation. It was also an adjustment. I made the decision to be home with him the majority of the time, which resulted in me putting my work and volunteer efforts with NJAMFT on the back burner. Being who I am, this was hard, but all worth it.  Free time was (and is) hard to come by and virtually non-existent, but I know I am presently doing the most important job I will ever have and everything else can and will wait.

In 2013 I was finally prepared enough to take my licensing exam and I passed! There was a time I never could have imagined getting the actual license, but now it is a not-so-distant memory. I look back on the journey I have taken with not a single regret. The path I took was the path I was meant to take and I have considered myself to be one of the lucky ones who have gone through the process of becoming an LMFT. I have been very fortunate and not a day goes by that I do not feel incredibly grateful - even a little scared that the metaphorical rug may be pulled out from underneath me at any time.

It is 2014 and I find myself happily married to that software engineer I met over 13 years ago; mother to the sharpest, most expressive (not to mention gorgeous) 22 month old I have ever known; part-time clinician at a group private practice in Montclair (where my training all started and yes, I work with couples and love it!); training to become certified in EFT (with a heavy Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) influence); presenting at the AAMFT Leadership Conference in March on the Lifeline Campaign in order to share LLC with the rest of the organization; invited to participate in a national AAMFT effort to restructure the organization as a whole; and surrounded by countless family, friends, colleagues, peers - you name it - who help me to feel truly loved and supported day-in and day-out.  

The number one lesson I have learned through my journey into adulthood is something that connected me to this work in the first place. I was fortunate in my path BECAUSE of the people in my life and the relationships I have made along the way.  My family, my friends, my mentors, my co-workers, my professors, my supervisors, my peers, my colleagues and my fellow NJAMFT members. I would NOT be where I am today without any of those connections I made along the way. It has been these relationships that leave me feeling so incredibly successful and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. My advice to anyone and everyone is to value the people you meet along the way - they will help to shape your entire experience.

Jaime L. Gilmore, MA, LMFT is currently working in the private practice of Angela DeCandia, LCSW, LLC under the group name Essex Counseling Associates in Montclair, NJ. Find out more at www.essexcounseling.com.

  

Bill Boan Ed.S

Anyone that has any questions, ideas or comments please feel free to e-mail me,

Roseann Stanton Ed.S
Northern Chapter President

Due to the recent snow storm, the Chapter Chat on "A discussion of EMDR: Practice, Principles and Research" was postponed. I am happy to announce that it is rescheduled for March 21st from 4:30-6:30pm at Mary Kane's home. Thank you Mary for hosting us again.

As described by Legislative Chair Rhoda Ondov above, our first state-wide Lobbying Day is in the works. Those who have an interest in legislative issues that pertain to our profession are encouraged to participate. This is a chance to express your thoughts with our congressmen and senators. Please contact me for details.

The spring workshop is also approaching; it is scheduled for April 4th at the Hyatt in Morristown. Culture is the theme of the day. The first presenter is Jeff Brandler Ed.S, LMFT, CAS, SAP, "The Culture of Addiction and Recovery." When a person is involved in addictive behavior, there are many cultural phenomenon at work.  Some of these involve the partaking of the behavior; others involve the aftereffects of use. When the person gets sober and participates in 12 step groups, an entire community of recovery culture gets involved. In Couples and Family Therapy sessions, we often see the damages and remnants of the families impacted by addiction. This presentation will focus on the culture of addiction, as well as recovery from addiction; for both for the addict and the family.  This workshop will be from 9:00 am to 12:00 pm. The second presenter is Amisha Desai LMFT.  Her workshop is from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm. The title of her workshop is "Understanding Hinduism in its Cultural Context India: Implications of working with Asian-Indian Clients." This workshop is designed to offer clinicians an opportunity to enhance cultural competence in working with Asian-Indian clients. The workshop will present some basic concepts of Hinduism and also discuss the diversity amongst the people of India. Participants will gain practical information regarding the distinct worldview of the client and their social-cultural practices. It will address some of the common challenges that are faced by them as they seek mental health treatment and the significance of working with them.

Participants will earn 6 Cultural Competence CEUs for the day. Please watch your In-Box for the workshop announcement.