HOW CAN WE STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS?

WE MAKE ASSUMPTIONS EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. SOMETHING HAPPENS AND WE INSTANTLY ASSIGN MEANING TO IT. THAT IS AN ASSUMPTION.

We start imagining what other people are doing, what they're thinking, what they're saying about us. We invent an entire story based on assumptions and we believe it. One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions and we take it personally. Then we point the finger and blame other people. We usually start gossiping to try to justify our assumptions. Almost all conflicts are based on assumptions. Assumptions are nothing more than false stories that we are telling ourselves. This creates a big drama for nothing because we don't know if it is really true.

For example, when we haven't heard from a close friend in a while we start to wonder if anything is wrong. The more we worry about it the more reasons we find to support our belief that something is wrong. And instead of picking up the phone and calling to ask if everything is okay we justify why we shouldn't and put the blame on them. We continue to build our story and stress. Then our friend finally calls and we find out they have just been swamped in the busyness of life! All that negative energy and drama for a story we made up from assumptions.

It may be correct or it may be incorrect. We won't know unless we take the next step. That step is a simple three letter word. ASK! Sounds easy but it's not. We often fear that if we ask, we may open ourselves up to an emotional reaction. I call that emotional reaction an eggshell. Eggshells spawn many of the assumptions in our lives and in our dental practices today. It's the fear of these potential eggshells that stop us from asking and allow us to start assuming.

Some of the eggshells I am referring to are:

• Anger
• Judgment/Criticism
• Retaliation
• Hurt feelings

We can't let fear stop us from asking if we want to avoid assumptions. We don't know what someone meant by their actions or words or the way they said something. Sometimes even what they say or the words they use can mean something different than what we believe them to mean. And just because someone felt a certain way in the past doesn't mean they still feel the same. Stop making assumptions and start asking questions regardless of potential eggshells.

When you get that twinge in your gut and you think "Hmmm - I wonder what they meant by that, or I wonder why they haven't...?" Or you find yourself saying "I think they meant this" - you don't know! Stop yourself immediately from wondering and speculating and ASK! You will be surprised how many of your initial assumptions are incorrect once you hear their intent.

Ask with care, concern and respect. Some simple questions to ask are:

• I am not quite sure what you meant, please tell me more?
• I am not quite sure what happened. Can we talk about it?
• Is everything okay?
• Are you okay? 

Continue to respectfully ask questions until you understand the other person's true intent. If you are still thinking "I think they meant..." you are assuming. It is important to continue to ask more questions to achieve a deeper understanding!