You might be a Redneck if...
Have you ever heard of Jeff Foxworthy and the "You Might Be A Redneck If..." jokes? Sure you have. Fact is, some of us can relate to those redneck jokes more than we care to admit!
At our house, we all have our favorites. I loved the one about "you might be a redneck if you think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr." I also like the one about "you might be a redneck if your family tree doesn't fork!" I'm always careful not to laugh too hard when I tell that one to my kinfolk in Kentucky. A few of them always want to know, "What tree you be talkin' 'bout?" Yeah, I know. It's kind of scary.
Speaking of rednecks, a few years ago Kim and I were doing some mission work on the Apache reservation in Arizona. During a radio interview that was being broadcast live throughout the reservation, our Native American radio host inquired as to what kind of Indian I was, since I had light skin and blue eyes. He knew Kim was part Arickara and Mandan, and our adopted son was Oglala Sioux. But what was I?
Me with our Native radio host, J. R. Boyd, on the Apache reservation in Arizona discussing my Redneck Tribe.
Thinking I would lighten up the radio show a bit and interject some humor, I piped up, "I'm a redneck Indian from Tennessee!" At the time, I thought that was at least somewhat funny. But the room became deafeningly silent, and I quickly realized our radio host had never heard of the term "redneck".
Uh-ohhhh, this is not good, I thought to myself. Meanwhile, Kim had turned whiter than a sheet, the blood completely drained from his face. And he had a vice grip on my knee underneath the folding table where we sat in front of a microphone that we shared. Small glimpses of my entire life were beginning to flash before me, when suddenly the silence was broken.
My husband, Kim, has a long and wonderful Indian heritage. This is a picture of his great-great grandfather, Little Soldier. He was a scout for Custer. His picture hangs today in the museum at Custer National Battlefield at Crow Agency, Montana.
In complete innocence, our Native radio host stared at me point blank and said, "I have not heard of your tribe, - this redneck tribe you speak of. Tell me, are there many of you?"
By this time, underneath the table, Kim's fingertips were boring holes in my knee. And his eyes were pleading with me, "Don't answer that. Please, don't!" But I knew I was in too deep to turn back now. And so I took a deep breath, and looked straight into the eyes of the handsome man doing the interview, and answered, "Oh, yes, there are many of us rednecks. In fact, we have the south covered!"
Out of the corner of my eye, I stole a quick glance at Kim. He may not have been livid, but he was doggone sure close. He slowly released his grip from my knee, and he looked for a moment like he might faint. The words pale face came to mind, but I didn't dare say a word.
Me, a Tennessee redneck, with two beautiful Native children on the reservation during a mission trip.
As for our host, having never heard the term redneck, he was completely shocked at the news that we had our own tribe. Not to mention, he was fascinated by our great numbers! And so he questioned me further.
"Susan, please tell me. Where is the Tribal headquarters for this great Redneck Tribe?" I took a big gulp of fresh air, and gave Kim one final look to let him know that I fully understood the consequences of my actions, but I must finish what I'd started. With a deep breath, I stated matter of factly, "Alabama, Sir. Our Tribal Headquarters are in Alabama."
Somehow, I managed to leave the reservation that day with my life. As for my poor taste in redneck jokes, well, I humbly ended up apologizing to everyone I could think of; our radio host, my Indian husband, the entire Apache nation, all rednecks everywhere, and especially the great state of Alabama! Talk about being repentant, - I was!
But I have to confess. Being a Tennessee cowgirl, I still like a good redneck joke. Maybe it's because of the simple, but often humorous grain of truth I find there. In other words, I "is one", so I can relate! And one day, that got me to thinkin'. If it's possible to identify a redneck just by their actions, then the same should hold true for those of us who profess to be Christians. Can you relate? Hey, I'm just saying...
You Might Be A Christian If...
You love God with all your heart.
You have repented of your sins, and received Christ as your Lord and Saviour.
You love your neighbor as yourself.
You obey God's commandments, - all of them, because He said so.
You honor God with your first fruits, tithes, offerings, and gifts.
You live by faith, and trust in the Lord.
To learn more about identifiable Christian traits, consult
The Bible and find out if you really
"is one"!
