And as the care free, lazy, go with the flow hot summer days come is coming to a close for many of us the panic button is starting to flash. The hectic schedule and structure of getting back to normal is too close for comfort!

5-      Summer might be

 over, but the fun shouldn't! Throw an end of summer party with your favorite people and food...celebrates what is starting.

L.A.c., Dipl. Ac., Ma. A.O.M., R.S., Hom, NA., CCH

Some are tall and some are short, some are fat and some are skinny, some are strong and some are weak; we can always notice many differences and make judgments on the way others are, but I have never understood why? Even when I was in excruciating pain, lying down on a hospital bed and with a facial cast that covered my broken nose, I did not know why my classmate had punched me in the face.   

 

When I look back to my childhood and consider all the differences that created problems between me and others, I do not recall being disappointed or saddened by those events. I grew up as a religious minority in an Islamic country and although I was not treated equally, I never saw myself to be any less than others. As a matter of fact I don't believe that I ever thought others to be any different than me. In spite of the repeated curses and getting beat up for not sharing their doctrine, those incidents added some values to my life. I was convinced that if they knew me for who I really was, they would have been my friends. And I was right; regardless of the three nights of hospitalization over my religious ideology, I did not rat my classmate out to the police who were investigating the assault. He broke my nose but did not break my spirit; he did not change my belief in the common goodness of people. Once I was released from the hospital, he visited me with flowers and chocolates; someone who was once my enemy had now become a sincere friend of mine.  

 

As I try to understand why those experiences did not affect me in a negative way, I realize that I had never accepted those differences as threats against my beliefs. I had not only viewed the discriminations and prejudices as the inability of others to accept our differences, but I had also utilized my compassion in understanding our dissimilarities. In place of being judgmental I had learned to appreciate and enjoy the diversity. After all, our differences made me feel unique.   

 

In the mystical horizon of life all of our differences are beautiful. The skinniness of a tall palm adds to the beauty of a stubby short one; without a short palm the height of the tall palm goes unnoticed. We are all unique individuals as every one of us comes from diverse backgrounds, lives with unalike experiences, and thinks with dissimilar understandings. But, we are all exposed to differences since the early days of our lives. We grow up assuming we are treated in a different way in comparison with our siblings; we attend school and experience how various teachers and students treat us contrarily; we look in the mirror as teenagers and notice how our facial features look unlike our idols; we compare the variable qualities of our houses and our neighborhoods with others; we... we... we...; the differences are countless.

 

Once a person accepts him or her-self in a realistic manner and as a worthy member of a community, other people's judgments lose their force. If one is not fixated on others approval and their acceptance, the possibilities for growth and the potentials for progress will increase tremendously.  However when we hold judgments about self, we are definitely judging others as well and do not accept them as they are. Lack of acceptance leads to lack of appreciation and eventually to a choice between aggressive confrontation and regressive isolation.

 

Aggressiveness in confronting others, based on our dissimilarities, can only trigger fear and separation. When we doubt others' integrity or intention, we disregard their values and create more distance; we show them that they are not included. This leads to less trust and more deterioration in our relationships. At the same time by not feeling inclusive and cutting away from others who are not acting according to our standards or adhere to our expectations, we become regressively isolated and end up antagonizing those who may add values to our lives. Researchers suggest that people's ability to accept someone else's perspective could be improved by having them think about their differences. Accordingly when someone's success relies on understanding of another person's unlike thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the unprejudiced focus on points of disagreement will increase the chances of success.   

 

Today, when I consider the traumas of my childhood and recall feeling rejected by the people who didn't like me, I am glad that I stayed true to my sense of self. Unlike my discriminating friends, accepting diversities allowed me to connect with others in love and understanding. These are the points that had helped me:

 

·         I did not let hurt feelings build reactions and dictate my behaviors towards others.

 

·         I learned that reaching clarity on issues of dissimilarities helped bridging the misunderstandings with compassion.   

 

·         I gained the courage to stay honest in any relationship and share my insights without the fear and pain of being judged.  

 

I continue to realize how accepting differences allows me to form better relationships based or respect and care. I realize even though I may stick out as a skinny palm tree among the other trees, my existence in this diverse scenery becomes meaningful and makes sense. As we decide to experience diversities as sources of innovation and elements of discovery, we can transform in to protectors of rights and creators of joy.