As human beings we start to create the way we think about things and determine how we are going to live from birth.  Up to the age of four we learn all this from those who bring us up.  Between four and seven other children that we meet at school and socially have a profound impact on us and by the age of 12 we are pretty much set for what we are going to think and believe for the rest of our lives - unless we challenge those beliefs.

That's why messages we were given as children such as "you can't leave the table until you've eaten all your dinner" we subconsciously still follow as adults, even when we know we have eaten enough.

After the age of 12 it's generally accepted that how we behave, and what we think and do is the average of the five main people we hang around with.  This explains why a lot of teenagers can change quite dramatically in their behaviours when they move schools and are around different people.  But, it can happen to adults too.

If we hang around negative, cynical, overly critical, insensitive people, and do so for most of our lives, then it's a pretty fair bet that that is not only how we will be with others, but with ourselves too.  If we don't set up our own values and beliefs about the world, we will be unconsciously driven by the values and beliefs of others.  So, don't waste energy explaining yourself and your actions to others who want to put you down and tell you you won't be successful - distance yourself from them, be around more positive, supportive, forward thinking people (LighterLife groups are a great example) who will congratulate you on your success and start to believe you can achieve what you set out to do.

Be very conscious of what you tell yourself as well.  A lot of people focus on what they don't want more than what they do want.  For example "I don't want to be this fat", "I don't want to feel so tired and depressed all the time" "I don't want to go on holiday looking like this", instead of using their energy to focus on what they do want and how they are going to achieve it.  We can unconsciously create a whole set of "labels" for ourselves that get in the way of any change.  Labels like "I'm addicted to food", "I just love food", "I'm not meant to be slim", etc

Some choose to believe that their relationship with food is not their fault blaming others for why they are like they are.  This is not taking ownership for your thoughts and actions.

Sometimes just a word disempowers you, like "Try" what this actually means is 'I'll give it a go but I probably won't succeed".  "Hope" means 'if I'm not successful it won't be my fault'.  Few check if what they are doing fits with what they want.

I was brought up at a time and in a society which believed that it was wrong to praise children.  "They'll get big headed and try and rise above their station if you do" was a commonly held belief. This wasn't said in order to harm children, quite the opposite it was seen as protecting them.  The problem is though that it is quite a destructive belief and, as a child I believed that all I would ever get was criticism.  It took me years to be able to accept praise without being suspicious as to why the giver of the praise was doing so - "what do you want?" was the first thought I would have - sometimes spoken I'm ashamed to say - which was both hurtful to the person giving the praise and did me no good whatsoever because I was refusing to accept a positive comment.

So what can you do about all this negative clutter that's in your head?  The first step is to recognise that your conscious mind (daily thoughts) cannot automatically over ride your unconscious mind (where all this negative stuff is stored).  Just changing your conscious thoughts is not enough - you have to believe the new thought and act on it too, repeatedly, in order to clear out that clutter.

So, start to challenge these beliefs you've hung on to that aren't doing you any good.  Ask yourself questions like "Who says I can't achieve weight loss?", "How do I know any of these beliefs are actually true?", "When exactly did I decide I couldn't be successful at weight loss".  Now think of a time when you were successful, doesn't have to be weight loss, what did you do, how did you think, what was your attitude, did you ever consider that you couldn't succeed?  If you did, how did you overcome it?  How can you use the attitude, skills and mindset that helped you be successful at other things to successfully lose weight and keep it off?

Start to use daily affirmations to embed the new thinking such as:

* Whatever happened in the past is going to remain in the past, I'm moving forward to a new me.

* I am choosing to change my relationship with food.

* I am going to be fitter, healthier, slimmer by (set a realistic date) and nothing and no-one is going to stop me.

* I'm aiming to look and feel great

These are best said out loud into a mirror so you can both see and hear yourself say them.  You can also record yourself saying it and then listen to it as you fall asleep as well as repeating it again in the morning.  Every time you say your chosen affirmation(s) you weaken the old, negative, harmful thoughts and beliefs that held you back and you put in their place positive, empowering, mood lifting thoughts.

So, now's the time to decide.  Are you going to remain a prisoner of the past and keep repeating all those old patterns, or, are you going to break free from those chains and move forward to achieve the body and level of fitness that you want, and keep it?

It's entirely up to you.  Nobody else can do it for you.

And remember - changing the way you think and what you believe to be true is not a one off/one day practice, it's an on going part of your life.

Practice makes permanent - not perfect!

If you haven't already experienced the unique way we look at weight loss and weight maintaining and want to find out more about the LighterLife Programmes and what we can offer, give me a call on 01509 234433 or email Debbie.ford@lighterlifecounsellor.com or text 07860 017700 (text service only - not a mobile phone).

We'll have an initial meeting that is both free and doesn't obligate you to join so that you can ask whatever questions you wish to enable you to decide if this is the right weight loss solution for you, and then the decision about what you do next is entirely up to you and your new Beliefs!

I look forward to meeting you soon.

Debbie Ford

LighterLife Counsellor for Loughborough

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