So, why am I concerned by these statements? Surely they are all positive, and that's good, isn't it? I'm concerned because they are not based in reality, and, because they are looking at the Programmes as a short term "quick fix" rather than the Lifestyle Change Programmes that they are designed to be.
Usually, those clients who arrive with these statements stay for around three to four weeks and then leave. Typical reasons for dropping out are:
- I couldn't get my head round it.
- I wasn't as focused as I was first time round.
- The determination and enthusiasm didn't kick in like it did before.
- I didn't like the people in my group.
- I didn't think you were as good this time Debbie.
- You don't open on a Saturday so I couldn't swop the Foodpacks I didn't like so I had to lapse.
- My family/partner/children didn't like me doing again and they made me eat.
And the list goes on....
Can you see what is going on?
In the first set of statements there is masses of determination and optimism without any balance with reality. There is an assumption that they will slip back into abstinence effortlessly. Typical behaviours are also likely to be weighing themselves umpteen times a day, over-hydrating, trawling the internet to find ways of "cheating" whilst still losing weight, etc and all the time their entire focus is on weight loss and nothing else.
LighterLife isn't just about a "quick fix". Yes, the Foodpacks will get the weight off swiftly, but concentrating purely on weight loss is not enough. If all you think about is the scales going down then all you are doing is a diet and that isn't going to change the way you think.
However, I also have a lot of clients who join around now who are hugely successful. So, what's the difference? Well, this is how they think:
- Such a relief to get back on Foodpacks and not have to think about food for a while so I can concentrate on the unhelpful habits I have developed around food that haven't helped me.
- I realise how much I need the counselling to deal with the habits I have around food. I didn't really take much notice before.
- The weight loss isn't the main aim, the changing the way I think is.
- I need more practice on how to access the inner "Adult" when I am around food in familiar situations.
- Lapsing, or cheating, is sooooo not worth it! And it just reinforces the old habits I used to have on other diets.
- I really need to write more notes on how I view food and use food to really get to terms with what needs to be addressed.
- Time away from the Programme has been so enlightening, I can see the areas I need to work on.
- Successful weight loss and successful weight maintaining starts and stops with me, no-one else.
Can you see the difference between the first set of statements and the last set?
The first set of statements are based in the "here and now", that is how the client feels on the first day back on the Programme. They are intense and "crooked". Words like "perfect" and statements like "cancelling all social events" are not based in reality. There is no such thing as the "perfect" person, so trying to achieve that status is always doomed to failure. Why cancel all social events? Attending social events and remaining in abstinence is fabulous proof that you can behave very differently around food and that in itself gives you the confidence to succeed.
Then look at the next set of statements after they drop off the Programme after a few weeks. How many of those are taking responsibility for their own actions? In most cases it will be Debbie's fault, or the Programmes fault, or their friends/family/husband/wife's fault. This "blaming" technique is based on a frustration and depression of yet again not getting to grips with successful weight loss. It's a horrible, frustrating way to feel and quite often leaves the client feeling quite vulnerable. Now, I'm not looking for "it's MY fault" because that is equally crooked and judgmental. The successful client who has a 'wobbly' day will say, "I'm struggling to get back into the swing of abstinence, what do I need to work on? Distraction, new activities to deal with boredom, issues in my life that are bringing down my mood leading to believe that lapsing is the answer, etc etc". They are taking responsibility for dealing with the real causes of the way they use food and not blaming it on others and ultimately learn very valuable lessons around their use of food other than to feed hunger.
They are also the clients who successfully keep the weight off long term!
 |
| I CAN Change |
