The Well Balanced Wife

I have been with my husband for 24 years and have four children: one in college, one in high school, one in junior high, and one in elementary. I manage a personal business and ministry, and I'm stretched from morning to night. Believe me, I haven't gotten it all right, but I've learned many lessons over the years. In this season of my life, I have reflected on my journey and have discovered several areas that were out of balance that have affected my life as well as the lives of my family.

As wives, we take on many roles for our family. When the hats are worn appropriately, we create a well-balanced life as well as a well-balanced WIFE! In the beginning of my marriage, I was in the work world. After having my first child, my husband wanted me to stay home. Reluctantly, and in an effort to honor my husband, I released my job. Even though staying home was a GOOD thing to do, balance in the relationship slowly began to get out of line. Before leaving the work word, there was a shared responsibility in the marriage and home. As time went on, slowly but surely, my husband's focus/heart began to turn to HIS career and MY focus/heart grew towards the children. The relationship no longer was growing together, but, on the contrary, apart.

One the most important lessons/laws of marriage is the LAW OF PRIORITY. Your marriage/relationship with your spouse must be a priority. Your relationship is the FOUNDATION that your lives and family will be built on. Children are a TEMPORARY assignment. As cute, delicate, and soft as they are, when they are grown and gone it will still be the both of you. If either spouse allows anything (i.e. job, friends, children, sports, etc.) to affect the balance of priority, the relationship, at some point, will weaken and can potentially lead to dissatisfaction, unmet needs, and/or the big D (Divorce). For us, if God had not intervened in our lives, we would have been divorced in the first year of our marriage. Thankfully, God pulled us together, and we began the journey of building and keeping our relationship a priority. One of the things we did to make our relationship a priority was to implement yogurt time. At 9pm each night, we would see to it that the children were put to bed and we would sit and share our hearts with one another over a cup of yogurt. It wasn't what we were eating or drinking, but it was the quality time spent with each other that made our relationship greater.

The most valuable thing we did to keep our marriage a priority was reading through the Bible in a year together. We purchased a One Year Chronological Bible and would take turns reading daily. One of us would open with prayer and the other would read that day's reading aloud. NO PREACHING allowed, READING only!! Then we would close in prayer and go to bed. Those times became so much fun that we NEVER missed a night. When one of us was on a trip away, we would call each other at 9pm sharp and would read and pray together over the phone. We did that for four years straight. Not only did God build our relationship, but the WORD of GOD in us grew tremendously. Spending quality time building our relationship has kept us going these 24 years.

Another area that tends to get out of balance is priority placed on YOU as an individual, a WOMAN! As marriage develops and responsibilities increase, oftentimes we take on more responsibilities than we need to or that God has intended or us. We must realize that before we were wives and mothers, we were women FIRST! We are created in HIS image to worship HIM in spirit and truth! We, as women, push others up, encourage others, and often take a back seat through the years. The problem is that priority in our personal life can get out of balance quickly. We think we are doing what's good and best, but over time it can lead to an unfulfilled life. We must learn to balance current seasons of life as we look to the next season and how we will transition into it. Remember, I said children are a temporary assignment. When they grow and go, what do you do then? God doesn't want us to wait until the children leave before building or working towards personal goals that are in our hearts. Now you won't be able to run at full throttle, but you should still be striving towards personal dreams that have been placed inside of you.

As I look back, I can see where I thought I was being a blessing to my family, but I see now that I had handicapped my children/family by not allowing them to participate in the daily activities of life. In the early years as the children began school, I would have them focus on their studies and didn't require them to participate in kitchen/daily duties. With my love language being Acts of Service, I would usually have the dishes done before they even finished eating. I would send them to study instead of requiring them to assist. As for my husband, I was thinking, "I am being a good wife." Since I didn't work outside the home, I would allow him to come home and sit down and watch TV to relax after dinner. Well, after many years of doing this, what I thought was a blessing to him and the children has only come back to bite me. Things had gotten out of balance. Now, after many years of doing it all by myself, my hands had begun to ache and were stiff each morning from overuse. I was doing a "good thing," but it was out of order. Now that I had come to this realization, I had to now BLOW UP the MOUNTAIN that I had created. It came with great opposition, as I had to require all family members to participate in daily living/chores; however, it was necessary in order to teach them balance and preserve the very hands that God has blessed me with.

I wish that I would have had an older, mature, Godly woman that could speak into my life in my early years of marriage. The Bible says that the older women should teach the younger women (Titus 2:4). This Word, in today's generation, has been dashed to the ground. We live in a generation that believes that they can do it on their own and only their knowledge is necessary to succeed in their endeavors. What they fail to see is what a blessing it is to learn from the experience of others and not have to experience the pain and heartache that others have had to face. Wisdom can assist you in making sure balance remains in your life.