John S. Gordon - Business and Personal Coach

"You have the greatness and the power.  I just help you turn on the switch."

Welcome to Issue 205.  If you did not receive a previous issue, you may use the archive link below to view it now.  The mission of "Marvelous Mondays" is to offer an inspirational thought, a practical exercise, some humor, or a simple tip to jump-start your week and to enhance your life, business, outlook or relationships. 

Please feel free to forward "Marvelous Mondays" to others who will enjoy it.

In this season of opening up gifts, let's flip it around and discuss the gift of opening up.

As families and friends come together during the holidays, there are wonderful opportunities for substantive sharing and conversations with children, parents, siblings, in-laws, and others. Most of us don't like to take advice; yet, when we converse with others, we have a tendency to want to give advice.

 THE TAR APPROACH: 

• Tells someone what to do, or
• Advises someone what to do, or
• Rescues someone

Just like sealing a driveway with tar, the TAR approach seals off any real communication. 

THE LAB APPROACH: 

• Listen with open ears and open heart
• Allow the other to discover his/her own resolution
• Be supportive, not judgmental

Which approach do you think requires more patience on your part as a listener but yields a greater result?

During the holidays you'll have opportunities to listen to people share their goals, dreams, challenges, anxieties, financial pressures, relationship issues, health issues, etc.  They may be just exploring or grasping at how to make a decision.  I invite you to use the LAB technique.  Here are some questions I use in my coaching business, which can open them up to self discovery and growth:

• "What factors have you considered" [asking someone "why" usually puts them on the defensive.]
• "What other options do you have?"
• "Is your decision going to get you where you want to be?"
• "Is there another way?"

This may be a new approach for most people, so don't expect to master this in just a few weeks. It is always a work in progress. Please let me know how this works and send me any questions or comments. I really want to hear from you and am available to assist.

   

"Conversation was never begun at once, nor in a hurried manner. No one was quick with a question, no matter how important, and no one was pressed for an answer. A pause giving time for thought was the truly courteous way of beginning and conducting a conversation. Silence was meaningful with the Lakota, and his granting a space of silence to the speech-maker and his own moment of silence before talking was done in the practice of true politeness and regard for the rule that, "thought comes before speech."

-Luther Standing Bear (1868-1939) Oglala Sioux Chief

                   **John is currently accepting a few new coaching clients.**

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