News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™
Joy, Love, and Peace in 2016
August 2016 More Happiness for Life
Fiesta Photo by Fritz Obenberger
For the third year in a row, the Attitude Reconstruction newsletter has an open rate in the top 10% of all Constant Contact users.
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More communication with the women prisoners in Nebraska who are practicing Attitude Reconstruction:
"... I had the opportunity to add my name to the waiting list at our library. I could not help but notice that quite a few women have added their names for your Attitude Reconstruction book. I love when goodness is spread. It seems to mean even more in this environment."
Old Spanish Days have just come and gone. Did you know that Santa Barbara boasts the biggest horse parade in the United States? And of course, we have plenty of fiesta parades for the guys and gals as well.
Fall is just around the corner. I want to remind you about the upcoming two day workshop in Vancouver on October 22-23. Treat yourself and shed some of those long-held bad attitudes in a non-confrontational and safe environment. See the link on the left column of this newsletter for details.
First some interesting articles and fun videos
Second, a study indicates that being a weekend couch potato is worse than having a desk job!
Third is a thoughtful article about four things you can do to make the death of a loved one
a bit less stressful.
And last, a novel correlation that shows that chimps, like humans, are a slave to fashion trends.
Two Videos Guaranteed to Get You Moving and One to Promote Awe
Here's another carpool karaoke with James Corden,
featuring none other than Michelle Obama.
For David Bowie fans and those who like cooperation, check out this video of 1000 musicians preforming "Rebel Rebel." simultaneously in Italy.
While you can hear many old wise beings telling you the secret of their longevity, they run the gamut from a couple of stiff drinks every evening to playing bingo, I thought you might enjoy my list of a baker's dozen suggestions that will help keep young and increase the amount of happiness you feel. They are in random order.
1. Live by the 3 Ultimate Attitudes in your thoughts, words, and deeds.
1) Honor and love yourself.
2) Accept other people and situations.
3) Stay present and specific.
These concepts seem simple but aren't easy to live by. Each time you align with one or more of these Ultimate Attitudes the result will be a shot of joy, love, or peace. I believe if you embody all three, you win the grand prize.
2. Handle emotions physically and constructively.
Emotions are natural to all humans. They are pure physical sensations in the body. EMOTION = E+MOTION. They just need to be expressed in a constructive and physical manner.
When you feel sadness, just allow yourself to cry big ole tears, you'll feel better and have more room to experience joy.
When you feel angry move out the emotional energy by hitting, stomping, pushing, yelling, or flailing. Express your anger physically and in a safe place. Do it hard, fast, and with abandon and the anger will lose its grip.
When you feel fear in your body (anxiety, overwhelm, worry, insomnia, or panic). Shiver, quiver, tremble, and shudder. It seems silly but it really works.
3. Cancel your negative thinking.
Giving appreciations, praise, and gratitudes feels good and puts good vibes in the environment. Stop yourself when you're thinking or saying something negative and look for what you do like and focus on that. Studies give credence to the fact that giving gratitudes isn't just an airy-fairy exercise but actually increases psychological and physical well-being.
4. Instead of being frustrated, critical, resigned, or bitter, work to accept that "People and situations are the way they are, not the way I want them to be."
Do this by repeating the above phrase over and over, until it sinks in. After accepting what is, we can look within for direction about what's true for us about the specific situation. Then we're able to speak up and take action with confidence.
5. Have good communication, without a lot of arguing.
So stop arguing. Research has shown that couples that argue frequently die prematurely! I recommend adhering to Attitude Reconstruction's Four Rules of Good Communication: 1)Speak in "I's" -- that is talk about yourself, not others; 2) Speak in specifics, not over-generalities(always, never, etc); 3) Focus on kindness, not negativity; 4) Truly listen 50% of the time. With a bit of practice you will reap undeniable benefits.
When differences arise, use the talk-and listen strategy. One person talks for a pre-agreed upon amount of time while the other ONLY listens. Then switch. Keep going back and forth until both feel understood. Then TOGETHER find the best win-win solution that honors everyone. There has got to be a good alternative.
Walking is good. Exercise is good. Team sports are good. Research is showing that too much sitting or sleeping is not kind for our bodies -- our muscles, organs, bones, and our minds. Moving the body on a regular basis is what we humans were built to do. That means not just moving from the bed to the kitchen table to the computer, to the couch and television. Here's an article about how walking increases creativity, and one that proposes that too much sitting causes us to lose years off of our lives.
7. Eat well and in moderation.
You know the drill. Stay away from junk food and fast food. Eat your veggies. Eat fruit. Go back to basics that don't have a list of ingredients that you can't pronounce. And go for moderation, in foods, drinks, (and life).
8. Hang out with others.
There are a ton of studies that conclude that enjoyable social interactions help keep the mind and heart flexible and running smoothly. Isolation allows for us to get stuck in negative mental loops and destructive habits, whereas social activities keep bringing new information and experiences. So join that bridge club, gym, or book club, take a class, pick up a musical instrument, or find a new social hobby. Prying our eyes from electronic devices opens up a whole new world.
As this article suggests, laughing
releases stress, lifts our spirits, and connects us with other people. We have a choice. We can either laugh, cry, be pissed, be anxious, or be blah about what life presents.
10. Make a bucket list and start doing some of those things now.
We never know what tomorrow will bring so it makes sense to treat ourselves well now because when we die, our bucket list also expires. Of course that means being financially responsible in the process.
Helping others or some cause outside ourselves is good for your heart and connects us to our world. Contributing to a group who holds similar values is an excellent way to step outside of our own lives, issues, and preoccupations. Selfless giving is a guaranteed way to increase feelings of love.
12. Give it a break.
Shutting the noggin down and doing nothing gives us a pause from all the activity and distractions, and lets our bodies and minds integrate our experiences. Maybe that means a solo hike or walk on the beach, maybe meditation, maybe nothing but veg out and take a nap. Here's an article that lends credence the idea that taking time off is good for you.
13. Let go.
Life's too short to live in the past. If you want to enjoy the present and future and live a nice long life, let go of all your crappy history -- the injustices, violations, and hurts. As Ram Dass famously said and wrote, "Be here now."
How can I stop insisting on having my way?
Being egotistical, narcissistic, or stubborn indicates you believe your needs and views are more important than others. Selfishness is one of the core attitudes associated with anger. Here are some suggestions:
* Find a way to constructively channel your anger physically by pounding, stomping, or pushing on something that is not of value.
* Repeat over and over fifty times a day: "Your viewpoints and needs are as important as mine" or "How can I help?"
* Strap some duct tape (imaginary) on your lips and start to listen, understand, and acknowledge the other person's position rather than controlling, dominating, and insisting.
* Work together to find solutions.
* Consciously practice being open to saying "yes" rather than "no" and surrendering your own desires in favor of an alternative plan.
With just a little effort you will feel much more love and feel more connected to others.
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so write me at: [email protected]