News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™

Joy, Love, and Peace in 2015

Attitiude Reconstruction

September 2015 Impatience

IN THIS ISSUE

Hollyhock Report

One-Day Communication Workshop

Interesting Tidbits

Impatience

Hey Jude

Jude Bijou

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www.AttitudeReconstruction.com

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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.

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Attitude Reconstruction

A note from a reader:

Loved this latest newsletter. I've been working on taking responsibility lately and what you suggest is good advice. When I have an issue with something or someone, I find that it is I who needs to be fixed...more accepting and nonjudgmental...

Check out the helpful content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Addictions

Anger

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Dealing with Loss

Dealing with Perfectionism

Ineffective Communication

Relationship Problems

"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

"For heaven's sake!

He's crawling as fast as he can."

"Are we going yet? Are we going yet?"

For heaven's sake! He wants your hand in marriage and I want a cracker."

Hello Friends,

The irony of having a long and winding "impatience" dream did not allude me when I woke up after having worked on the newsletter these last few days. And did I surrender my attitude? No. In my dream, there was a 10 o'clock class I needed to teach but I was being shown around some huge construction site that left me and my companions disoriented as we finally hit the street. And of course, I didn't have my iphone and all the rest of my fellow travelers only had flip phones.

When we finally emerged from a street maze, civilization presented itself in the form of a huge grocery store. I was finally given directions, but even then I was fretting about how the people in class would be confused by my absence. Then there were my fellow travelers who lingered at every step. Me trying to egg them on, them repacking a suitcase and indulging in "frivolous" conversation. As the dream weaved on and on, did I ever surrender? No, not in the dream! Humm, I better read the article below and take heed.

As I suspected the Attitude Reconstruction Workshop at Hollyhock Learning Centre on beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia, was sweet and earth-moving. One of the highlights for me was getting there via seaplane. My first, but not last ride, looking down on the undisturbed and grand water, islands, scattered houses and occasional boats below.

With a small group, we had the luxury of supporting each other to move on issues that were holding us back. There was ample time for powering -- selecting and repeating 'Truths' to combat their destructive thinking, emotions, with plenty of attention towards empowering ourselves by making needed communications.

There was time for testing options -- a powerful way to use your intuition and inner feeling to evaluate possible solutions to thorny situations. Workshop participants found satisfying conclusions around their current life situations. Topics included, what to do with a sudden windfall of money and how to create a needed change in a living situation.

Along with drilling down into our "stuff" there was plenty of time to take advantage of the beauty and location. Swimming, hiking, resting, moseying through the amazing gardens, and great conversations with a wide variety of international folks, all of whom had been drawn to Hollyhock for different reasons. And of course, great clean food, including a salmon dinner and for those who were so inclined, an oyster happy hour.

The staff made everything run seamlessly. (They should be in charge our governments, organizations, and schools.)

We all were taken by the grand, appreciative, safe and well-taken care of feeling that was created in this pristine and sacred location... I received the additional gift of an invitation to teach a two-day Attitude Reconstruction workshop at Hollyhock - Vancouver branch for the 2016 season! I'm already looking forward to returning to Canada.

Mark your calendar! Next communication class is NOVEMBER 14, 2015
in lovely Santa Barbara. To register:

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Interesting Tidbits

Offering two insightful articles I've come across recently...

Here's an interesting study that indicates that depression doesn't spread but happiness does!

Here's an article about Rage Rooms. "Housed within Battle Sports, a recreational entertainment facility in Toronto, the Rage Room has welcomed a steady stream of customers seeking to release pent-up emotions by smashing objects." It's a bargain at $20.00 per half hour!
They have got the principle of releasing anger physically, but need a bit of education about the mental component.

The video of the month features a show-down between Tom Cruise, Jimmy Fallon, and a dozen eggs -- 8 of which are hard-boiled.

Impatience

Do you live your life at warp speed? Are you thrown off by unforeseen complications? Are you frantic to meet deadlines or goals? Do you hate to wait? Are you a slave to the clock? Do you lose it when your computer IT guy takes too long to diagnosis and fix a problem? Do you find yourself antsy and frustrated when other people go at a slower pace? Are you unable to sit or stand still and constantly fidgeting?

Well, the price you pay is huge. First and foremost, your hurried pace and unease rob you of the ability to savor the moment. Consequently you rarely feel peace. Second, you refuse to accept that some things unfold in a time frame that is out of your control. Third, your controlling and abrasive manner pushes other people away. This often backfires when others react to your behavior by intentionally slowing things down further. Fourth, you often lose your connection with people or situations and get consumed by your own frustration, anxiety, and myopic reality.

It's usually the case that one of our early caretakers had the "impatience gene" that we inherited. I view impatience as a fear-anger attitude. We're freaked out about time issues and controlled by time. Consequently, we are angry because we have unrealistic expectations about how long a given activity "should" take and feel upset when it inevitably takes longer than we planned.

If you're tired of your impatience and the havoc it is wreaking within yourself and with those around you, there is a remedy.

Surrender. Give up. Turn it over.

Accept that things go at a different pace than you'd prefer.

When you begin to feel that familiar antsiness, the first thing to do is pause, step back and take a few measured breaths. Ideally, if the situation allows, shiver and quiver the fear energy out of your body. Tremble like a dog at the vet. Up the spine. Out your arms, legs, and hands. Do it hard, fast and with abandon for literally 90 seconds or until you start laughing.

While shivering and after, it's important you think constructive thoughts about the situation, such as:

* Stop. Breathe. Relax.

* Everything is all right.

* Everything will be okay.

* This isn't life or death.

Moving out the emotional energy and installing the reality will bring you to a more centered space. Only then can you look within, and make another choice besides exhibiting your impatience, and find the constructive thing to say and do.

Maybe the best thing to do is nothing. Maybe you need to practice a calming activity while waiting. Try repeating constructive thoughts, such as: "I don't like to wait but my spouse always looks so good when she's finished." Maybe it's to enjoy the scenery. Maybe hum a tune. Possibly you need to assert yourself lovingly and speak up with something like: "I need to be at work right now, but I'll give you a call later this morning." Whatever your message, it's NOT saying something snarky or critical, that's for sure.

Let's talk about the benefits of getting the upper hand over this anxiety generating, disconnection producing attitude. You'll feel more centered and relaxed, and be able to flow with life and other people. You'll enjoy your environment more and have time to smell the roses. You will learn to live in the present moment, to hear your intuition, and to act from a position of clarity. Others will feel more comfortable around you. You'll be able to maintain a healthier perspective about what is really important. And most importantly, you will feel more love and peace as you begin to realize you're not the center of the universe and that people and things move at their own pace.

There is another aspect to impatience / patience. When we hold onto our belief about how things should be unfolding, we're apt to miss out on enjoying the present moment. As I've gotten older, I've come to understand it's much better to appreciate what today offers, rather than trying to engineer a certain future outcome.

Hey Jude!

How can I stop insisting on having my own way?

What I call "selfishness" is one of the four core attitudes associated with anger. Being egotistical, narcissistic, or stubborn indicates you believe your needs and views are more important than others'. Try repeating "Your viewpoints and needs are as important as mine" or asking "How can I help?" a little bit more often. Or strap some duct tape (imaginary) over your lips and start to listen, understand, and acknowledge the other person's position. Or consciously practice surrendering your own desires for what's best for the other person or whole group.

If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so write me at: jude@AttitudeReconstruction.com

I'm wishing you

Cheers,

Jude