News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace in 2015

Attitiude Reconstruction  


August 2015                                   Taking Personal Responsibility

Hendry's Beach, Santa Barbara

Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

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A note from a fan of Attitude Reconstruction:


I love Jude's work - far may it spread. I have started hearing about another man doing research on shaking and now its becoming more understood - but you've been teaching that since I met you in 1989....just saying.


I needed this today/this month. Going through a bit of a funk, so am going to try to focus on a couple of these points.

Check out the helpful content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website


Kind words about the book:
"I must say, Jude has come up with a method that is as simple as it is helpful - no small feat! Just being made aware of a concept such as, 'emotional hygiene' has made taking daily notice and care of my emotions seem as obvious as the need to brush my teeth everyday.

Whereas in the past a nagging fear or hurt could lay in the background of my consciousness, subtly disrupting my daily interactions and perceptions; now it feels like the most basic self care to notice the feeling, allow it to come up and out of my system, and then move on with my day feeling present and happy that I can take care of myself so easily. Kudos to Jude for doing the heavy lifting here and bringing Attitude Reconstruction right to our doorsteps!"

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

"Acting responsibly is below my pay grade."

"Only I can prevent forest fires? Don't you think you should share some of the responsibility?"

                                                                          Fiesta 2015 photos by Fritz Olenberger

Hello Friends,

Summer is in full swing. We're celebrating Fiesta, complete with parades with mega horses. I trust you are kicking back a little and taking some time off. Don't let those vacation days pile up, unless you have a plan. Life's too short to keep your nose to the grindstone year after year.

As you read this I'm up at Hollyhock Learning Centre on beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia. A full report will appear next month!

About taking personal responsibility -- the focus of the emotions of sadness and its opposite, joy, is ourselves. There are four pairs of core attitudes about ourselves, 1) feel worthy vs unworthy, 2) self-reliant vs depend on others for approval; 3) judge ourselves positively vs negatively, and 4) take personal responsibility vs passive.

This issue of the newsletter is about the fourth pair of core attitudes. When we stand up and lovingly assert ourselves, we feel joy. We feel virtuous and good about ourselves because we are obeying our inner wisdom. When we feel less than that, it is a sign that we are compensating for not crying enough. Our unexpressed sadness can make us feel small, and consequently passive.

This fourth core attitude might seem similar, it is different from the second sadness core attitude -- self-reliant vs depend on others for approval. With both of these attitudes, being passive and depending on others for our self worth, we are not heeding our inner voice. But with the second one, we act or don't act because we want people to like and validate us. With the fourth, it's not about whether others like us or not. It's about not having the energy, drive, or confidence to do what we know within is best.

Being passive developed as a pattern for a really good reason -- we were avoiding feeling our emotions and had to find some place to channel the sensations we were experiencing. Maybe dad was a tyrant and we felt like we had no choice but to be quiet and duck. Maybe our classmates laughed at us when we made a mistake. Expressing our outrage, anger, and sadness would only inflame a dangerous situation. But today, we're grown up and need to handle situations in an adult manner. It's time to shed our meekness and stand up and be counted. It's a choice. Yes, it's scary, but not speaking up doesn't feel so good or empowering.  

I must admit, passivity is my strongest destructive core attitude. It seems to run in the family. It was my father's way of coping, or not coping, with sadness.

Mark your calendar! Next communication class is NOVEMBER 14, 2015
in lovely Santa Barbara. To register:


But first... Interesting Tidbits           
In terms of insightful articles I've read recently...

Jane Pauley was a co-anchor on the Today Show from 1976 to 1989. She shares some of her successes and failures, and her philosophy of life at age 65 in this article that appeared in Parade magazine.

Here's bad news for cookie lovers and those who love fast food. Maybe you've read in the news how trans fatty acids are being fazed out of processed foods. Here's a startling article that demonstrates that eating trans fats interferes with identifying and dealing with emotions. As well, eating large quantities of trans fatty acids increases aggression, raises your bad cholesterol levels, and increases your risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and stroke.
Researchers at Harvard have concluded that there are five ways you can teach your children to be kinder. They say that almost 80% of the children they studied said that "their parents taught them that personal happiness and high achievement were more important than caring for other people." Oops. Maybe we need to readjust our priorities.

Here's a video guaranteed to make you laugh. It's Debbie Downer at Disneyland from SNL.

Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Life


Don't want to reorganize your filing cabinets? Take the garbage out? Make sales calls? Visit your in-laws?


Instead of automatically digging your heels in and thinking: I don't want to ... the outside world is making me do this," pause. This kind of thinking is an indicator of unexpressed anger, of not accepting what is, of knowing you don't want to but feeling you "should". Like a child having a tantrum because he doesn't want to go to bed, you feel justified in stubbornly resisting. However, there is a price to pay, both within yourself, and for others.


To spare yourself and your world from missing out on feeling love, switch your thinking and take personal responsibility. The truth is "I am responsible for what I think, feel, say, and do." or I'm responsible for my experience." or "I'm responsible for my life." If you are complacent, I suggest you repeat one of these "truths" at least a dozen times a day, minimum, AND relentlessly interrupt your thoughts that justify taking the comfortable way out. 


When it seems as though others are telling you what to do or you're telling yourself how you should act and you feel resistance brewing, step out of your rut and ask yourself: What's the specific event or task? What do I know in my heart of hearts is best, is the high road, or will keep me in my personal integrity?


You intuitively know what's right. It's an inner feeling. So listen and obey that rather than your knee-jerk resistance. You'll become a different, lighter, freer person. You'll treat your customer with kindness so they will shop with you again. You know that taking out the trash is the least you could do to help around the kitchen. You know when to call your aging parent. You know when it's time to give an employee a raise.


Listen within and obey. You'll feel less anger, more love, and more in the flow. You'll get out of that selfish "me me me" mentality and experience the joy of staying true to yourself. Those around you will ultimately thank you too.


Nice Quotes about Taking Personal Responsibility

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."


"There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you." 
-- J.K. Rowling 


 "In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt  


 "Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others."

-- Confucius 


"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."

-- Theodore Roosevelt 


"Manliness consists not in bluff, bravado or loneliness. It consists in daring to do the right thing and facing consequences whether it is in matters social, political or other. It consists in deeds not words."
-- Mahatma Gandhi  

Hey Jude!

         I think I'm going to quit my book group but I'm chicken. I've been a contributing member for so long. Can you help me out?


If you've been contemplating that move for a while, maybe it's time to leave. If you're seized by sudden impulse, think back and see if something upsetting happened the last couple of times you got together. If so, deal with the specific event and handle your emotions so that you're clear before you do something final.  

However, if it feels right to leave, don't worry about what the others will think. If you know it's time to go, state what's true for you and communicate it, especially emphasizing all the the aspects of the group you like or pleasant memories you've shared. That way no one will be confused about why you're leaving and/or suspect you have ulterior motives. And you'll feel proud of yourself for obeying what you know within. 

If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so write me at:

I'm wishing you the courage to step out of an old rut and take some new action. You'll be glad you did.