News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


Joy, Love, and Peace in 2015

Attitiude Reconstruction  

February  2015                                             A good night sleep


Jude Bijou
     Like us on Facebook     Follow us on TwitterFind us on Pinterest

Visit the website
and take the free survey to identify what's standing between you and more joy, love, and peace.

 Visit my blog


Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

book cover
Join Our Mailing List
Winter Communication Class


March 21, 2015 Saturday

9:30 - 4:30pm

Santa Barbara, CA


Words from Students to describe the Communication class


Insightful, helpful, interactive, eye-opening, engaging, intriguing, organized, clear, fun, well taught


Excellent class = perfect balance of theory and practical exercises


Useful both for home and work


Very interesting, greatly helpful, great teacher. I would highly recommend to all - also to all high school students.


Check out the helpful content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website


                                  Scott Metzger

"I'll be there as soon as I finish with the Internet."

Howdy friends,

Well, the Academy Awards are upon us -- February 22 -- hosted by the talented Neil Patrick Harris. I don't go to movies often, but I enjoy seeing the stars in their dress-up outfits, watching the interplay, and listening to the acceptance speeches.

To help you get in the mood here is a clip of Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig presenting the award for the best female lead in a musical or comedy at the Golden Globes in 2013.

Before I jump into the topic of sleep, I want to remind every one that I will be teaching a day-long, interactive course in communication on March 21, 2015. Please come and join me, talking and listening are really much easier if we know and are good at abiding by the 4 Attitude Reconstruction Communication Rules! Click on this link for details. I hope to see you there. Bring a friend!

On to the topic of sleep... 
Everybody has intimate knowledge of their own sleep patterns and theories why it is what it is.
I find it amazing how some folks have been running on less than five hours for years at a time.

A sleep scientist, William Dement, says that sleep is "the most important predictor of how long you will live - perhaps more important than smoking, exercise, or high blood pressure. Studies have shown that not enough sleep increases levels of stress hormones and lowers levels of growth hormones, as well as the body's resistance to immunity."


On the more humorous side of the topic of sleep, here is a funny video of babies who can't keep awake. Can you relate?  



Sleep facts and the secret to getting a good night sleep

We all know it's important to get a good night's sleep. Being well rested is vital to our productivity and value at work. Missing even an hour can have a clear effect on our ability to focus.  

Prescription sleeping pills are supposed to be for short time use but often people ignore the warnings. Researchers found people who over used prescription sleeping aids were nearly five times as likely to die over a 2 year period than non users. Other side effects include sleep-eating, sleep-driving, and especially next day grogginess. 

Many of us take our problems to bed, staying up tossing and turning instead of getting valuable zzzz's. The CDC reports that about 10 percent of Americans suffer from chronic insomnia. And, according to a study by the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, at least 8.6 million Americans resort to taking prescription sleeping pills.     


Most of the Americans who regularly take sleeping pills are educated females over 50, according to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (source).


5% of over 50 females indicate they used them, compared to 3.1%  men. Authors of this research speculate it's because women are often juggling two full time jobs - work and family.


Use of sleeping pills apparently also increases with age, as 7% of people over 80 reported using them.


In total, about 59 million sleeping pills were prescribed in 2012. That's a staggering amount of people and drugs (and a staggering amount of money going to the pharmaceutical companies who produce them).





But there's a better way. Here are suggestions for getting that great night's sleep you need in order to be productive and happy. 

1. Shake and Shiver.

Not being able to sleep is related to having too many unexpressed emotions, especially fear. We experience fear as feeling overwhelmed, anxious, confused, or stressed. Once we realize that fear is a pure physical sensation and deal with it on a physical level, we can move that energy right out of our bodies, allowing ourselves and our mind and spirit to calm down.

Think about it: What does a dog do when it's scared? It shivers, quivers and trembles. And children: if they're scared they tremble, if they're cold, they shiver. It's the same when we deal with a traumatic event or bad news. Our hands become shaky and we shudder uncontrollably. Our stomach clenches up, or we feel paralyzed. The stress and fear we experience is triggering our primitive survival instincts, and our body is reacting naturally.

We need to allow our bodies to do what is natural. I know most people resist this idea. We like to "keep it together." Or maybe the idea of shaking away the fear seems too simple. But in my 30-plus years as a psychotherapist, seeing tons of clients, I've found that this cure really works. So give it a try.

Ridiculous as it sounds, peel yourself out of bed (or do it before getting into bed), get up, and shiver, quiver, tremble and shudder. It takes less than two minutes. Shudder up your spine, out your arms and hands, down your legs, and around your neck. Do it hard, fast, and with abandon. Really get into it. Feeling inhibited? Make sounds--squeal, whine. Think, "It's okay. I just feel scared. Everything will be all right."

Want to see how to "shiver" your fears away before bedtime? Watch a one-minute video here. Give it a wholehearted try. Much to your amazement, you'll find your body and mind will finally relax. I'll bet you drift right off to a good night of sleep.




Here are 5 more suggestions for improving your ability to sleep:


2. Shut It Down.


At least a half an hour before bedtime, stop all your focused stimulating activity. Shut down those computers. Turn off the television news and scary shows.  


3. Lighten Up.  


Don't have a big meal or a large amount of food less than two hours before you go to bed. A piece of fruit or a glass of milk is alright, but that's it. Keep it light.

4. Write It Out. 

Prone to lying awake, mulling over tasks for the days and weeks ahead? Write it down and get it out. A half an hour before bedtime, make a to-do list. That way, it's down on paper and out of your head, and you won't be preoccupied with it. Then put it aside, and instead of counting sheep, repeat over and over: "I'll do what I can, and the rest is out of my hands. Now is the time for sleep."

5. Make It Sweet.

Create your own pre-bedtime ritual, something sweet and relaxing. Make a list of 11 things you appreciated about the day, or listen to calming music. Take a warm bath or sit in a Jacuzzi. Or, get out the kinks with simple, easy stretches. You'll feel soothed, and ready for delicious, revitalizing sleep.

6. Strive for Balance. 

Exercising regularly keeps your body functioning well. So make sure you're making time to move during the day. And learn to handle what's on your plate in a timely manner so you can arrive at a balance between under activity and overwork, and feel both content in your social life and fulfilled in your work life. 

Dealing with feeling overwhelmed

Overwhelm is what happens when we have too many responsibilities or too many topics to address and not enough time. It's easy to lump everything together. Typically, we leap from specifics that need attention to global generalities. We launch into exaggerations and drama. Small things become earth-shattering and nearly impossible to do. We feel like we're in a pressure cooker.


What is the price we pay? We lose perspective. We lose sleep. It's difficult to enjoy the journey or present moment when entertaining thoughts about all there is to do in the future. We lose efficiency. And because our minds are racing, we can't hear what other people are saying and lose personal connection.


And what emotion drives the feeling of overwhelm? Fear. And what emotion eludes us? Peace.


To get the upper hand on overwhelm, you must move fear energy out of your body by shivering, shaking, trembling, and quivering with vigor. It's the same prescription as for sleeplessness but you tell yourself something different after you're done shivering  


Support yourself by picking one or two phrases that resonate and say them often, especially when you start getting agitated and stressed.

  • Think small.
  • Stay specific.
  • One thing at a time.
  • Little steps.
  • Little by little.
From this more present and relaxed space, make a list of issues, topics, and projects needing attention, being concrete and realistic about what each entails. Cut each one into chewable pieces. Order your priorities, develop a detailed plan, and break down the mountain of responsibilities into doable steps.

Focus on and do only one thing at a time, shivering when you feel stuck, renegotiating what's not possible, and delegating as necessary.


Praise yourself lavishly as you complete each little step and then attend to what's next.


Little steps are the key to heading off overwhelm and taking charge of your life. When you think in specifics and deal with concrete issues, you'll feel calmer, get more done, and enjoy what you're doing. With your new motto, "little by little," you can truly accomplish almost anything with a clear and peaceful mind.


Come join me for 5 days of Attitude Reconstruction at the  HollyhockLearningCenter 
in beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia, August 9 - 14, 2015.

The setting is pristine, the food divine, the community welcoming, and the vibe relaxing. There's time for kayaking, hiking, massage, hot tubs, conversations, and meditation.

In a non-confrontational setting, address your issues of sadness, anger, and fear and become your best self. Discover and play with how to use your five innate tools--emotions, thoughts, intuition, speech, and action--to replace destructive thinking and behaviors with constructive attitudes that increase joy, love, and peace. 
Reasonably priced. Treat yourself to a great summer.
I'd love for you to join me!

Hey Jude,


My partner and I often have our ugliest, least productive arguments when one of us is tired. How can I stop us from going over the cliff?


Emotionally charged conversations are demanding, so you need the best conditions to handle them successfully.

That means you have to be rested, so if there is a topic that needs discussing, don't get sucked into a late-night argument. Lovingly set a specific time earlier in the coming days, and then follow through at the appointed time. Don't succumb to pressure to discuss it now. Night time is the right time to be winding down, so keep telling yourself, "Now is the time for sleep. We'll discuss this on Saturday after breakfast." 



If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, I enjoy hearing from you. Write me at:

I'm wishing you and yours restful sleep!  Shiver and shake it off!!!