News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


Joy, Love, and Peace in 2015

Attitiude Reconstruction  

January  2015                                             Planning Ahead for Love

                                                  Just another day in Santa Barbara (photo Eric Foote)
8 great and free Valentine gifts
Speaking up for Love
5 Day workshop in August 2015
Tips for Making love

Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

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Warm words about the book

Jude Bijou is a very gifted writer. Attitude reconstruction is a wonderful resource for all of us. The author takes us into our own psyche and helps us to understand the underlying behavioral patterns and how to change them into something joyful. She teaches us to forgive ourselves and to understand ourselves more deeply. I have learned valuable lessons from this book and find myself returning to it often for reminding. I recommend this book to absolutely everyone trying to live their best life.


                    -- Emily Smith, PhD 
Check out the helpful content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website


Winter Communication Class

Mark your calendar

March 21, 2015 Saturday

9:30 - 4:30pm

Santa Barbara, CA


Greetings dear ones!

Whether your relieved that you made it through the holidays or shedding tears as you pack up the decorations, the reality is that life moves forward. Welcome to 2015! And before you know it, Valentine's Day will be upon us, complete with performance anxiety.

Hopefully the messages contained in this newsletter will help to assuage those fears. I know it feels early to think about the next big holiday, but with a little forethought you can make it a very special day for those you love.

On another note, check out local filmmaker, Eric Foote's video, recently accepted to the Santa Barbara International Film Festival in the "short SB documentary" category. It's entitled "A Day in the Life of Santa Barbara," which he confesses is his love letter to our fair town.

And for those of you readers who suffer from some degree of memory loss or are lacking in enthusiasm, take a look at this inspiring video. Stephen Jepson, a 72 year old from Atlanta, has such a good attitude and zest for life that he should serve as an inspiration to us all to get off the couch.

Not one crummy Valentine!

The 8 Best Valentine's Gifts--that Don't Cost a Penny


Lots of us fret about what to do for Valentine's Day. Chocolate and roses are nice, but not exactly creative or even heartfelt. Sexy lingerie or a romantic dinner may be fun, but is this what she really wants?


I talk to many clients who express genuine anxiety about Valentine's Day, and this is what I tell them: Don't get caught up in peer pressure or commercialism associated with Valentine's Day. Instead, think of it as a time to honor your love partner, and to let this person know you value, respect, and admire him or her. With that as your intention, giving the "gift" is actually very easy. Best of all, it won't cost you a cent.


Here are 8 gifts that will win the heart of your Valentine.


1. Put it in writing.

Write a list of qualities that you appreciate about your loved one, and put those words in a card, poem, or a short video.


2. Share your memories out loud.

Jot down 5 or so of your favorite, most precious memories of your partner and these special times you've spent together, and convey them verbally.


3. Grant a wish.

Put yourself in your lover's shoes and think of a chore or an activity that would bring a smile or ease some stress. Then make it happen. Follow through in a timely manner.


4. Spend some time.

Arrange an outing to a favorite place you share, maybe a hike or a stroll around a special neighborhood. Or just take the evening off from your normal routine and do something that knocks both of you off balance, like dancing in your living room or reading a short story aloud in front of the fireplace.


5. Be emotionally generous.

Refrain from making negative jokes about Valentine's Day or your loved one's views about the day. Regardless of how you feel, only say positive things. Smile genuinely. 


6. Lend an ear.

Set up a cozy place to talk and ask your loved one questions about life, dreams, wishes, and feelings. Offer to "just listen" while he or she talks and shares. Don't interrupt. Remind him or her that you won't share this information with anyone.


7. Clean the slate.

Valentine's Day is as good a day as any to let go of any grudges you're holding and to accept your loved one, flaws and all. Reinforce your intention by repeating over and over to yourself, "My partner is the way he is, not the way I want him to be." Or "My partner did what she did." Stating these truths to yourself will help you genuinely be able to say and mean, "I love you."


8. Fall in love anew.

Allow yourself to fall in love again. Conjure memories and feelings of a time you were full of love for your Valentine, and keep your focus there. Give up your laundry list  differences and interrupt all your complaints and naysaying. Recall the way you felt when you first met.   



      Speaking Up for Love

Besides the cost free suggestions above, it's important to remember the importance of good communication in creating a loving relationship. That means women need to be cognizant of the fact that men are not mind-readers, so if you have a special wish you hope your partner will fulfill, you best speak up and let them know.

Conversely, if you tend to be the silent type, withholding your thoughts and feelings, this is the time to be brave and give it a shot. There is nothing that brings closeness in a relationship like heartfelt sharing about what's true for you. It can feel scary, but just shake it off, gulp and take the leap.


Come join me for 5 days of Attitude Reconstruction at the  HollyhockLearning Center
in beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia, August 9 - 14, 2015.

The setting is pristine, the food divine, the community welcoming, and the vibe relaxing. There's time for kayaking, hiking, massage, hot tubs, conversations, and meditation.

In a non-confrontational setting, address your issues of sadness, anger, and fear and become your best self. Discover and play with how to use your five innate tools--emotions, thoughts, intuition, speech, and action--to replace destructive thinking and behaviors with constructive attitudes that increase joy, love, and peace. 
Reasonably priced. Treat yourself to a great summer.
I'd love for you to join me!

Hey Jude,


Can you apply Attitude Reconstruction principles to making love?


Contrary to what steamy romance novels and spicy scenes on the big screen portray, making love isn't just about physical pleasure and orgasms. It's about expressing love and creating experiences of intimacy and unity. To bring joy, love, and peace to your sexual relationships, try some of these suggestions:

  1. Be here now. Keep your eyes open, stay out of your head, and enjoy the present. This can seem scary but you might as well recognize who you are in bed with.
  2. Play and laugh. Have fun. You're not trying to win an Oscar with a demanding performance.
  3. Make a place for emotions. You will genuinely feel joy, love, and peace. But being intimate can also stir up huge amounts of fear, sadness, and even anger. It's frightening to be so open and vulnerable, but acknowledging your emotions keeps you in the present.
  4. Power on "I love you,""Here I am," "I'm fine just the way I am," or "It's okay to speak up."
  5. Communicate. Give appreciations. Talk. Your lover is not a mind reader. A partner can't possibly know what you want and need unless you give specific feedback like "This feels wonderful," or "That doesn't feel good."
  6. Initiate. Don't wait. Like with listening, give at least fifty percent of the time. The other fifty percent is for receiving fully. Soak in the attention and what is being offered, scary as that might sound.

                                         "Don't even think about it, Buster."

If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, I always enjoy feedback and compliments. Write me at: [email protected]

I'm wishing you and yours a month filled with love.