The 8 Best Valentine's Gifts--that Don't Cost a Penny

Lots of us fret about what to do for Valentine's Day. Chocolate and roses are nice, but not exactly creative or even heartfelt. Sexy lingerie or a romantic dinner may be fun, but is this what she really wants?

I talk to many clients who express genuine anxiety about Valentine's Day, and this is what I tell them: Don't get caught up in peer pressure or commercialism associated with Valentine's Day. Instead, think of it as a time to honor your love partner, and to let this person know you value, respect, and admire him or her. With that as your intention, giving the "gift" is actually very easy. Best of all, it won't cost you a cent.

Here are 8 gifts that will win the heart of your Valentine.

1. Put it in writing.

Write a list of qualities that you appreciate about your loved one, and put those words in a card, poem, or a short video.

2. Share your memories out loud.

Jot down 5 or so of your favorite, most precious memories of your partner and these special times you've spent together, and convey them verbally.

3. Grant a wish.

Put yourself in your lover's shoes and think of a chore or an activity that would bring a smile or ease some stress. Then make it happen. Follow through in a timely manner.

4. Spend some time.

Arrange an outing to a favorite place you share, maybe a hike or a stroll around a special neighborhood. Or just take the evening off from your normal routine and do something that knocks both of you off balance, like dancing in your living room or reading a short story aloud in front of the fireplace.

5. Be emotionally generous.

Refrain from making negative jokes about Valentine's Day or your loved one's views about the day. Regardless of how you feel, only say positive things. Smile genuinely. 

6. Lend an ear.

Set up a cozy place to talk and ask your loved one questions about life, dreams, wishes, and feelings. Offer to "just listen" while he or she talks and shares. Don't interrupt. Remind him or her that you won't share this information with anyone.

7. Clean the slate.

Valentine's Day is as good a day as any to let go of any grudges you're holding and to accept your loved one, flaws and all. Reinforce your intention by repeating over and over to yourself, "My partner is the way he is, not the way I want him to be." Or "My partner did what she did." Stating these truths to yourself will help you genuinely be able to say and mean, "I love you."

8. Fall in love anew.

Allow yourself to fall in love again. Conjure memories and feelings of a time you were full of love for your Valentine, and keep your focus there. Give up your laundry list  differences and interrupt all your complaints and naysaying. Recall the way you felt when you first met.   

Hey Jude,

Can you apply Attitude Reconstruction principles to making love?

Contrary to what steamy romance novels and spicy scenes on the big screen portray, making love isn't just about physical pleasure and orgasms. It's about expressing love and creating experiences of intimacy and unity. To bring joy, love, and peace to your sexual relationships, try some of these suggestions:

1. Be here now. Keep your eyes open, stay out of your head, and enjoy the present. This can seem scary but you might as well recognize who you are in bed with.
2. Play and laugh. Have fun. You're not trying to win an Oscar with a demanding performance.
3. Make a place for emotions. You will genuinely feel joy, love, and peace. But being intimate can also stir up huge amounts of fear, sadness, and even anger. It's frightening to be so open and vulnerable, but acknowledging your emotions keeps you in the present.
4. Power on "I love you,""Here I am," "I'm fine just the way I am," or "It's okay to speak up."
5. Communicate. Give appreciations. Talk. Your lover is not a mind reader. A partner can't possibly know what you want and need unless you give specific feedback like "This feels wonderful," or "That doesn't feel good."
6. Initiate. Don't wait. Like with listening, give at least fifty percent of the time. The other fifty percent is for receiving fully. Soak in the attention and what is being offered, scary as that might sound.
   
   

                                        "Don't even think about it, Buster."