News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014

Attitiude Reconstruction  

November  2014            Awesome Relationships and Sane Holidays

Zion National Park, early morning
Jude Appears on "The List"
Tips to Create Awesome Relationships
How to have a Sane Holiday
5 Day workshop in August 2015
Hey Jude!

Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

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"Now, Harold, you know you're not supposed to hibernate angry."

"Can't you crunch bones with your month closed?"

 Come join me for 5 days of Attitude Reconstruction at the Hollyhock Learning Center 
in beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia, August 9 - 14, 2015.

**Early Bird Registration** 
10% Discount Meals & Lodging 

The setting is pristine, the food divine, the community welcoming, and the vibe relaxing. There's time for kayaking, hiking, massage, hot tubs, conversations, and meditation.

In a non-confrontational setting, address your issues of sadness, anger, and fear and become your best self. Discover and play with how to use your five innate tools--emotions, thoughts, intuition, speech, and action--to replace destructive thinking and behaviors with constructive attitudes that increase joy, love, and peace. 
Register now for 10% off meals and lodging. Treat yourself to a great summer.

"OK, Cynthia, I'll tell you about my hopes and dreams, my joys and my passions. But be forewarned--they all concern a particular sports team."

Greetings Friends,

Here in Santa Barbara it's a bit hard to realize that it's fall. The weather has been hot with little rain. Since there are not too many deciduous trees around here I decided to hit the road and check out the eastern Sierras. And I wasn't disappointed!

In addition to exploring the lovely town of Bishop, I wandered up to Lake Sabrina and South Lake, following the river beds where the aspen leaves were yellow and shimmering.



This month, in honor of the approaching holiday season, it seemed appropriate to offer a few tips for how to foster loving relationships in general. And though it makes for a lengthy newsletter, I include suggestions on how to create more joy, love, and peace over the holidays.


For a chuckle, here's "Everybody Loves Raymond" celebrating Thanksgiving tradition -- "Turkey vs Fish."


The big Attitude Reconstruction news is that I was a guest recently for "The List." The show airs in a dozen major markets around the country. It's a two minute clip featuring three things you can do to live a better life. The segment is upbeat and did Attitude reconstruction proud. You can view it here!

Tips for Creating Awesome Relationships

To help make it through the holidays with more joy, love, and peace, I thought I'd weigh in on Attitude Reconstruction's spin on how to create and sustain good personal / intimate relationships.

1. Accept and respect differences and remember that you are a team. Solve differences together, looking for the best win-win solution and respecting each others' position rather than trying to strong arm the other person or feel like you're sacrificing what's important to you by routinely giving in.

2. Maintain your integrity in order to build and keep trust. That means stay true to yourself and speak up honestly about what you think and feel. Keep honest communication going.

3. Listen to really understand what the other person thinks. Communication involves fifty percent of the time actively listening and fifty percent of the time sharing what is true for you.

4. Communicate constructively. When you are trying to make a point or are in the grip of emotions, stick to talking about what you feel, want, or believe about a specific topic. That means refrain from blaming, finger pointing, criticizing, and advice-giving (you-ing) and stay away from overgeneralizations, such as "always" and "nevers." Address one topic at a time, resisting bringing in other unresolved issues.

5. Go for tenderness -- give copious appreciations, praise, and support. We never get tired of someone genuinely pointing out our positive qualities and actions. And keep quiet and soak in praise and appreciation from others.

6. Deal with your emotions constructively. That means don't target the other person when you feel angry but own your sadness, anger, and fear as something within you. Apologize when you don't, and go have a good cry, tantrum, or shiver and shake to clear the emotional energy.

7. Choose your battles, which means speak up when it matters -- when you can't let go of something. Don't sweat the small stuff and recognize you can't always get what you want. Focus on what's important -- connection and love.

8. Embrace change. Handle events as they arise, and then let go.Life is a roller coaster, maintaining flexibility and a positive outlook will help you enjoy the ride together.

9. Limit the time you spend in the virtual world. Closeness comes from personal connection. So spend time together to actualize your heartfelt goals of joy, love, and peace.

10. Cultivate shared interests as well as independent activities. Pursuits outside the relationship balanced with quality time together, where you support each other with problems and attaining goals, brings a healthy mix to the relationship cake.


Nine Tips for a Joy, Love, and Peaceful Holiday


I thought I'd share my current pitch to radio, internet, and print media, as they are simple ways to make our holidays sane. It has met with good reception.   



As soon as autumn comes, people's thoughts begin to shift to the holidays, and sometimes those thoughts are accompanied by difficult feelings such as depression, frustration, and anxiety. For some, the holidays conjure up unpleasant associations, such as the first event without Grandma there, or prickly family get-togethers. Then there are financial worries, the pressure to come up with gift ideas, dealing with school kids on vacation, to-do lists, and much more.


The goal is to feel joy, love, and peace so you can enjoy time off from work, and savor meaningful moments with your family and friends. After all, don't you want to feel the season, and share it?


Here are nine simple and practical ways to make your holiday saner. 


Get organized to feel more peace and less frantic.

Start by making a list of everything that needs to be done so you minimize the anxiety and the feeling that there's just too much to do and not enough time. This might include card writing, party organizing, shopping, cooking, work deadlines, travel/lodging arrangements, and family/friend communications.  Once you have things written down, you can make a big calendar and fit it all in. Get specific, designating time for each task, remembering to include quality time with loved ones. Also, list your projected expenses, set a realistic budget, and stick to it.


Use your mind to reduce anxiety and increase peace.

Keep your attention in the present. When you're focused in the past or future, you'll likely feel overwhelmed and rushed. Create a holiday mantra to remind yourself of what is true. Repeat "One thing at a time. Everything will be all right." "Be here now." If you do, you will definitely feel more calm and enjoy the present.


Practice acceptance to feel more love.

Give up your self-centered, critical, nagging, sarcastic, finger-pointing expectations and judgmental ways. Accept that people and situations are the way they are, not the way you want them to be. Repeat this phrase when going to a party, or participating in family holiday traditions. Refrain from being negative, pay attention to the good, and verbalize that.


Give appreciations and lend a hand to feel the love.

Express appreciations for thoughtful gestures, give praise, and practice random gifts of kindness. Remember that these behaviors go a long way to foster feelings of connection. Do things that demonstrate caring and sharing. Ask "How can I help?" or "What can I do?" and then comply without argument and with a smile on your face.


Remember gift-giving is about love.

When you start to get tangled up in buying anxiety, ask yourself, What can I do that will show my love for this person? What will make them feel happy? Perhaps it's a month's moratorium on sarcasm, setting aside time to just listen to your partner without interrupting, a hand-drawn card with a message, a personalized poem, or a list or short video with ten reasons you love this person.


Prioritize your "yeses."

We can create real tangible joy by being true to ourselves, rather than go along because we "should" or that it's expected. Often we go on auto-pilot at holiday time with party invitations--and then beat ourselves up for overeating and overindulging. Strive for balance. Don't be afraid to speak up. See how saying "yes" really feels before you actually accept an invitation. Weigh the outlay of time and energy before agreeing to host or organize a house party, office party, book club party, or any other holiday event. Only agree if you really want to do it and have someone to help. Accomplishing this requires listening within to that still silent voice, and aligning your actions with your heart's wisdom.


Be good to yourself.

Approach the holidays like an athlete in training. Pace yourself in terms of eating out and partying. Make sure you get lots of sleep. Make room for alone time to replenish your energy--even if it's just a short walk around the block. Think about how bad you would feel come January 1 if you gained 7 pounds. This holiday season, do it differently--avoid regrets.


Don't bury your emotions.

Handle your emotions physically and constructively. If you feel sadness, perhaps because this is the first year a loved one will not be in attendance, allow yourself a good cry. If you know you'll feel angry at the antics of Uncle Jim, pound or stomp out the anger when you're in a safe, private place. And if you feel freaked because you have too much to do, or you're bringing someone new home with you, allow yourself to shake and shiver before knocking on the door.


Remember the "message."

Whenever you find yourself feeling frantic, annoyed, or upset, remember the true meaning of the holidays. It can help to frequently repeat a "mantra" such as, "This time of year is about joy, love, and peace."



Hey Jude,


My partner and I often have our ugliest, least productive arguments late at night...


First, when you have differing opinions it's even more essential to stick to the 4 rules of communication -- "I", specifics, kindness, and listening -- when it's late at nice, your tired, in a hurry, or preoccupied. Emotionally charged conversations are demanding of your full attention. When you don't feel like your conversation is constructive, lovingly but firmly stop the conversation. Together agree upon a specific time to resume talking about the topic when you are both fresh.  


Or you can state a specific amount of time you are willing to listen before talking. It's most important that when listening, you seek to understand their position, not debate it, or defend yours. 

Phew! That's a lot of information. Hopefully some of it is helpful.

I wish you a most happy Thanksgiving.

If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, I'd love to hear. Write me at: