News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014

Attitiude Reconstruction  

October  2014                                                     The Three Bridges


The Three Bridges to Facilitate Emotions
Oprah Challenge
5 Day workshop in August 2015
Hey Jude!

Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

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Words about the Communication Class 

"I highly recommend Jude's Communication class. Jude 

 provides actionable information that is easy to understand and use. It provided tools I was able to practice with my classmates and start using immediately to handle challenging interactions and situations. These tools can be applied to any scenario and I now have conversations I previously avoided because I was scared of what would happen. I learned from Jude how to be kind, specific, and speak from my "I." These tools alone have greatly improved my relationships with friends, family, and co-workers."  


Pam K. 


Check out the NEW content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website




Last chance for Santa Barbara, Central Coast and Southern California folks to attend my fall one-day Communication class. It will be held this Saturday, October 18, 2014, at the Schott Center, from 9:30 to 4:30pm. Details about class and registration here. Shine a light on your communication and do yourself and others a favor.

One of the neatest things about creating Attitude Reconstruction was that sometimes I had huge epiphanies. One example of that was what I wrote about last month. I realized that there were 3 Ultimate Attitudes and that "all" we had to do to live an enlightened life was to honor ourselves, accept other people and situations, and stay present and specific.

Another stellar realization was when I got it that peace was the opposite of fear. And furthermore, that each of the three pairs of emotions had a different mental focus -- sadness and joy -- about ourselves, anger and love -- outward; and fear and peace -- time.

And now, this month I want to share another big idea -- what others need most when under the spell of sadness, anger, and fear. They are what I call the three Bridges, and they are simple, effective, and profound.

But first... Taylor Swift has the right idea in her new song and music video, Shake It Off. Follow her lead when life has got you down or anxiety is knocking at your door.

The Three Bridges

Seeing and hearing are natural gifts for us. Look at the way animals use their senses to their advantage. They can sense safety, danger, play, and even food! We can use our senses to determine if someone is swept up in sadness, anger, or fear. And then we can confidently know how to best offer help.   


 With just a little practice, you'll be able to recognize the emotions underneath other people's demeanor, words, and actions. Rather than reacting to what they say or do, you can extend a communication "bridge" to help shift their emotional state by offering what they truly long to hear but don't know how to ask for.

                            The Three Communication Bridges













          To figure out what emotion is probably going on, ask yourself "Where is their attention focused?"

1. People feeling sadness (but often not crying) are most likely thinking or speaking poorly of themselves. Maybe they are being 

passive or clingy. They need genuine appreciations. In your interactions with them, convey the idea, "I love you. You're great." Remind them of their strengths and contributions.


2. Folks striking out in anger and spewing "you"s all over the place with blame, negativity, and criticism really just feel isolated and are in desperate need of understanding. They won't respond well to  debates, lectures, or reprimands. The chances they'll hear what you have to say are slim to none unless you can genuinely connect with them first. You need to sincerely hear them out without taking what they say personally. Focus on what's going on with them behind their angry words and let the rest go flying by, that is, their "you"s and accusations. Silently repeat or say, "I want to hear what you have to say" and just listen. 


           3. If someone is overwhelmed, anxious, or freaked out chances are she's got some unexpressed fear stocked up. She needs honest reassurances. Comfort, soothe, and repeatedly remind her that everything is and will be all right. Other reassuring comments are "We'll make our way through this together," "I'm here" or "I'll take care of it." Or offer reassurances by reminding her of the objective reality: "Your boss really likes the work you do," or "You've done this successfully before."



If you're unable or unwilling to offer a communication bridge, it's probably because your own unexpressed emotions are getting in the way. It's okay. You're human. To quickly reignite your compassion, take a brief time-out and handle your own emotions or remind yourself of the objective reality. Then you will be able to look within your heart, and if appropriate, extend a bridge.


You'll deepen your personal relationships when you become adept at recognizing other people's emotions. You can use this knowledge to communicate in the ways most helpful to them. What an amazing talent you'll be cultivating. For example, if you know that your husband is quick to anger, you can consciously listen silently and understand his position, especially at times when he is upset or under stress. If a workmate often seems glum or down, you can choose to validate her gifts and skills a little more often.



Come join me for 5 days of Attitude Reconstruction at the Hollyhock Learning Center in beautiful Cortes Island, British Columbia, August 9 - 14, 2015.

The setting is pristine, the food divine, the community welcoming, and the vibe relaxing. There's time for kayaking, hiking, massage, hot tubs, conversations, and meditation.

In a non-confrontational setting, address your issues of sadness, anger, and fear and become your best self. Discover and play with how to use your five innate tools--emotions, thoughts, intuition, speech, and action--to replace destructive thinking and behaviors with constructive attitudes that increase joy, love, and peace. 
Reasonably priced. Treat yourself to a great summer.

Hey Jude,


 These bridges are terrific. Can I use them on myself?


Once you understand these three relationships, you can ask others to extend a bridge to you when you're in the grip of sadness, anger, or fear. Even better, you'll be in a position to offer a bridge to yourself. Sadness, for instance, is a cue to give yourself some extra self-appreciation. Anger indicates your need for some gentleness, compassion, and understanding. And fear is a sign to reassure yourself that everything is indeed okay and unfolding in its own time -- because it is!


If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, I'd love to hear. Write me at: [email protected]

I've also been traveling, seeing the wonders of nature -- the Washington State Beaches, Zion and Bryce Canyon National Parks, and now I'm headed to the eastern Sierras to bathe in the glory of the changing of the seasons. Some photos next month!