News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™

More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014

Attitiude Reconstruction

September 2014 The Three Ultimate Attitudes

Jude's Getty Garden

IN THIS ISSUE

The Pope's 10 Tips for Achieving Personal Happiness

The 3 Ultimate Attitudes

1. Honor Yourself

2. Accept People and Things

3. Be Present and Specific

Hey Jude!

Jude Bijou

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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.

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EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Addictions

Anger

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Dealing with Loss

Dealing with Perfectionism

Ineffective Communication

Relationship Problems

Sadness

Stress

Unhappiness

Worry

If you are up in the San Luis Obispo Area and would like to attend my lecture "Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts, and Change" to the Central Coast Marriage and Family Therapists on September 26, send me an email and we'll make the arrangements.

"It's that "rarer than thou" attitude that gets me."

Testimonials

"I really had an aha moment when you wrote, 'Whenever we criticize ourselves, we compound the issue... We turn one problem into two.' And that was like OMG."

"I love Jude's work - far may it spread. I have started hearing about another man doing research on shaking and now its becoming more understood - but you've been teaching that since I met you in 1989....just saying."

"I needed this newsletter this month. Going through a bit of a funk, so am going to try to focus on a couple of these points."

Greetings Friends

I want to share a personal project that's been in the works for well over a year. It's a slide show of my rendition of the fabulous and inspiring Getty Gardens in Los Angeles. From concept to completion to the present, my garden has been an every evolving source of joy. Through the wonders of technology, I'm pleased to share it with you.

Here's a reminder about the upcoming Saturday, October 18th Communication Class in beautiful Santa Barbara. Check out this link

for details. One of my eagle-eyed friends pointed out that the flyer had an incorrect address in last month's newsletter, so please note it's 310 West Padre (not Pueblo). I hope to see you there for a day of practical mind-expanding fun.

Here's a major news flash. This next June I will be leading a 5-day workshop at Hollyhock, a beautiful retreat center on Vancouver Island. Start planning for next June 14 to 19 to join me in a fun-filled plunge into Attitude Reconstruction. More details forthcoming!

And by the by, I want to thank all of you who email me after receiving the newsletter. I enjoy your comments immensely. It's heartening to hear what resonates with or amuses you. Please keep it up.

This month's theme is the three Ultimate Attitudes. When internalized these attitudes will allow our lives to match our potential. They are so simple, yet so easy to forget. In this same vein, I came across Pope Francis' 10 tips for achieving personal happiness. I thought you'd enjoy his perspective about how to make every day a paradise.

"Ah, there it is."

Here's a compilation of the recently gone viral Ice Bucket Challenge that's sure to bring a smile to your face.

The Three Ultimate Attitudes

Attitude Reconstruction began as a Blueprint; a complete guide to our six emotions and the predictable things we think, feel, say and do as a result. I divided all of the behaviors associated with each emotion into four core attitudes along with their opposites. It wasn't until years later, however, one over-arching concept emerged: three destructive Ultimate Attitudes associated with sadness, anger, and fear, and conversely, three constructive Ultimate Attitudes, associated with joy, love, and peace.

These constructive Ultimate Attitudes are universal concepts at the root of every major religion and philosophy. I believe that to be "enlightened" means that we are wedded to living by these three principles.

Ultimate Attitude #1 -- Honor yourself. Honoring or loving ourselves means that we unequivocally know that we are whole and complete. We are worthy and perfect regardless of what we do or have; we are self-reliant, full within ourselves independent of others opinions and judgments. We appreciate and respect ourselves, and we speak up and take action aligned with what we know is best in our hearts.

Ultimate Attitude #2 -- Accept other people and situations. Accepting what is means we keep our focus on our own domain, our heart, and act from our intuition, rather than being reactive or governed by what others do, say,or have. We accept what is presented with equanimity and then respond from a place of love; we appreciate and look for the good in our world; and we give without a selfish motive.

You just have to accept some people as they are and avoid them.

Ultimate Attitude #3 -- Be present and specific. While the value of staying present is very popular in today's culture, the need to remain specific is not, but "should" be. We use specifics in architecture, all fields of science, music, engineering, medicine, and cooking, but were not taught to stay specific in our thinking and communicating. We can handle any problem if we stay focused on just that without bringing in the kitchen sink. We can be understood and find workable solutions if we stay concrete.

And how do we learn to live by these three Ultimate Attitudes? With vigilance and practice. That means interrupting the tendency to resort to the opposite three Ultimate Attitudes (1 get down on ourselves; 2 don't accept what is; and 3 overgeneralize and hang out in the future or past) and make another choice. If we stay rooted in what we intuitively know is best, our words, thoughts, and actions will embody that which brings joy, love, and peace.

The way to do this is simple: handle our emotions physically and constructively, keep entertaining constructive thoughts, check within for guidance, communicate following Attitude Reconstructions 4 rules of good communication ("I"s, specifics, kindness, and listening), and act in alignment with our hearts. Each time we do we feel good. When we make a misstep, make the correction and proceed.

This cute video embodies the spirit of the 3 Ultimate Attitudes in 45 seconds.

The Pope's 10 Tips for Achieving Personal Happiness

Pope Francis has released his top 10 tips for achieving happiness. What a cool dude. He's channeling Attitude Reconstruction.

Here's the list:

1. "Live and let live."

2. "Be giving of yourself to others. If you withdraw into yourself, you run the risk of becoming egocentric. And stagnant water becomes putrid."

3. "Proceed calmly [in life]."

4. "A healthy sense of leisure. Consumerism has brought us anxiety, causing us to lose a healthy culture of leisure."

5. "Sunday is for family."

6. "We need to be creative with young people. If they have no opportunities, they will get into drugs."

7. "Environmental degradation is one of the biggest challenges we have. I think a question that we're not asking ourselves is: 'Isn't humanity committing suicide with this indiscriminate and tyrannical use of nature'?"

8. "Needing to talk badly about others indicates low self-esteem. Letting go of negative things quickly is healthy."

9. "We can inspire others through witness so that one grows together in communicating. But the worst thing of all is religious proselytism, which paralyses: 'I am talking with you in order to persuade you.' No. Each person dialogues, starting with his and her own identity. The Church grows by attraction, not proselytizing."

10. "We are living in a time of many wars, [and] the call for peace must be shouted. Peace isn't quiet, it's always proactive."

The Pope would give a huge thumbs up to poignant Girl's Inc video, "With you in her corner,"because here's a local organization teaching girls how to honor themselves.

It's Never to Late to Change Your Attitude

An Attitude Reconstruction faithful relayed the following exchange she had with her not very accepting husband recently. While they were driving in the car running errands he became increasingly focused on and critical of a bike rider in the adjacent bike lane. He wondered aloud why the cyclist was doing this, that, and the other thing and not riding correctly.

Miraculously, he stopped himself mid-sentence and turned to his very patient wife and asked, "What is it I'm supposed to be saying to myself at moments like this?" She gently reminded him "People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be." He replied "Oh, yeah. I'll try to remember that." And she smiled and offered a silent prayer.

"Oh, can't complain. But I do."

Hey Jude,

I'm continually comparing myself and my accomplishments to others. How can I change this habit?

Comparisons are a no-win situation. You fuel your own unhappiness and sadness every time you think someone else has something you don't. The antidote? Shift your focus from out there to in here -- yourself. Select a couple of truths that will support you in your quest to learn how to honor you. Here are some possibilities: "What I'm seeking is within me." or "My job is to do the best I can." or "I'm doing the best I can."

Write them on a 3x5 card and when you notice you've slipped into a comparison, repeat, and repeat, and repeat until you truly get it.

Wishing you Ultimate Attitudes and joy, love, and peace.

Cheers,

Jude