News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™ More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014 
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August 2014 How To Live Longer and Better
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++++++++++++++++++ Visit the websiteand take the free survey to identify what's standing between you and more joy, love, and peace.
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.
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Attitude Reconstruction
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Check out the NEW content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website
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If you are up in the San Luis Obispo Area and would like to attend my lecture "Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts, and Change" to the Central Coast Marriage and Family Therapists on September 26, send me an email and we'll make the arrangements!
A rave about the book: "Sometimes being a "teacher" and "sharer of wisdom" it's difficult to find people willing or able to tell you when you're "off the track"... And your book is serving that purpose for me..." Marie ************ Jude says: If you don't like my suggestions, maybe buy this book:   "Granted, we're living longer -- on the other hand, we're out of it sooner."  |
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Greetings Friends!
This month when I went on a search for images, articles, and videos to support my newsletter theme I came across so many candidates. While I pared them down considerably, I couldn't resist throwing in a few extras. Hopefully something will make you laugh or at least smile.
Before I forget, mark your calendar! On Saturday, October 18, I will be teaching my " How to Communicate Simply, Lovingly, and Effectively" class here in Santa Barbara. In one day you will learn and practice the 4 Rules of Communication and discover how to "speak up about any topic" as well as how to resolve any sized conflict, simple as pie. Treat yourself to a fun day and give yourself the best present ever! Here's a link about the details and how to sign up, though you can come a few minutes early and register at the office. Wouldn't we all like to be this peaceful?
According to an article I read recently, feeling happy slows down aging. While you can hear many old wise beings telling you the secret of their longevity, they run the gamut from a couple of stiff drinks every evening to volunteering, I thought you might enjoy my list of eleven suggestions that will help keep you young and increase the amount of happiness you feel.
These are not in the order of importance:
1. Have good communication, without a lot of arguing. So stop arguing.
Research has shown that couples that argue frequently, die prematurely!
Of course, I recommend strictly adhering to Attitude Reconstruction's Four Rules of Good Communication: 1)Speak in "I's" -- that is talk about yourself, not others; 2) Speak in specifics, not over-generalities(always, never, etc); 3) Focus on kindness, not negativity; 4) Truly listen 50% of the time. With a bit of practice you will reap undeniable benefits.
When differences arise, use the talk-and listen strategy. One person talks for a pre-agreed upon amount of time while the other ONLY listens. Then switch. Keep going back and forth until both feel understood. Then TOGETHER find the best win-win solution that honors all.
Here's a clever episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, a series I never watched when it was originally airing, but I find amusing. Debra, Raymond's wife, is pushing for them to do some marriage counseling. 2. Ditch your negative thinking. Giving appreciations, praise, and gratitudes feels good and puts good vibes in the environment. Stop yourself when you're thinking or saying something negative and look for what you do like and focus on that. This study gives credence to the fact that giving gratitudes isn't just an airy-fairy exercise but actually increases psychological and physical well-being.
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Two More Suggestions to Live Longer and Happier
3. Abide by the 3 Ultimate Attitudes in your thoughts, words, and deeds.
1) Honor and love yourself.
2) Accept other people and situations.
3) Stay present and specific.
These concepts seem simple but aren't easy to live by. Each time you align with one or more of these Attitudes the result will be a shot of joy, love, and peace. I believe if you embody all three, you win the grand prize.
4. Handle emotions physically and constructively.
That means:
** Don't think or speak poorly about yourself or fuel feelings of being a victim when you feel sadness, just allow yourself to cry big ole tears, you'll feel better and have more room to experience joy.
** Don't think or speak poorly of others when you feel angry and are moving out the emotional energy by hitting, stomping, pushing, yelling, or flailing. Express your anger physically and in a safe place. Do it hard, fast, and with abandon and the anger will lose its grip.
** Don't hang out in the future, past, or in global generalities when you feel fear in your body (anxiety, overwhelm, worry, insomnia, or panic). Shiver, quiver, tremble, and shudder. It seems silly but it really works.
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Suggestions 5 and 6 to Live Longer and Happier
5. Accept that "People and situations are the way they are, not the way I want them to be" and then take the appropriate action. After accepting what is, you can look within for direction about what's true for you about the specific situation. Now you will be able to speak up and take action with confidence.
6. Take time off. Doing nothing gives you a break from all the activity and distractions, and lets your body and mind integrate your experiences. Maybe that means a solo hike or walk on the beach, maybe meditation, maybe nothing but veg out and take a nap. Here's an article that lends credence to this proposition.
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More Suggestions to Live Longer and Happier
7. Move your body. Walking is good. Exercise is good. Team sports are good. Research is showing that too much sitting or sleeping is not so spiffy for our bodies -- our muscles, organs, bones, and our minds. Moving the body on a regular basis is what we humans were built to do. That means not just moving from the bed to the kitchen table to the computer, to the couch and television. Here's an article about how walking increases creativity, and one that proposes that too much sitting causes us to lose hours off of our lives.
8. Laugh often. As this article suggests, laughing releases stress, lifts our spirits, and connects us with other people. We have a choice. We can either laugh, cry, or be flatlined about what life presents.
Here's a short video of a prank Jimmy Fallon played on his band that is sure to bring a smile to your face.
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Suggestions 9 to 11 to Live Longer and Happier
9. Create a bucket list and start doing some of those things now. We never know what tomorrow will bring so it makes sense to treat ourselves well now because when we die, our bucket list also expires. Of course that means being financially responsible in the process.
10. Volunteer. Helping others or some cause outside yourself is good for your heart and connects you to your world. Contributing to a group who holds similar values is an excellent way to step outside of your own life, issues, and preoccupations. Selfless giving is a guaranteed way to increase feelings of love.
11. Just get over it! Life's too short to live in the past. If you want to enjoy the present and future and live a nice long life, let go of all your crappy history -- the injustices, violations, and hurts. As Don Henley so succinctly sings, "Get over it."
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Hey Jude,
I've heard of most of these suggestions before and know they would be good for me, but implementing them is another story. I'm so stuck in my groove. Do you have any tips?
See suggestion #10. Just get over it. (I couldn't resist.) Seriously now, little steps. Little steps. Just pick one small behavior to change, figure out how you can integrate it in your life and just add that one thing. For instance, start with just 5 minutes of walking every day and increase the time by a few minutes when it feels comfortable, and soon you'll find that you look forward to getting out. Or just start writing one or two gratitudes or appreciations every day (keep a pad of paper, notebook, or your favorite electronic device in a convenient place) and establish a regular time to do this. If you want to think a little bigger, forgive your mother and father, brother or sister, or fill in the blank. This is a huge step in releasing the past so you can make a change today.
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CONCLUSION
One of the people I've been interested in following for quite a while is Tiger Wood's ex, Elin Nordegren. What a life and she's still in her thirties! Here's a lovely, personal, and inspiring short video of her giving the commencement speech at Rollins College, after plugging away for nine years to earn her degree. If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, I'd love to hear. Write me at: [email protected]
Cheers,
Jude
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