News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014 please!

Attitiude Reconstruction  

June  2014                                   Taking Responsibility vs Blaming

Taking Personal Responsibility vs Not
David Letterman Mans Up
The 3 Steps to Taking Responsibility
The Benefits of Owning Your Stuff
Neat Quotes
Hey Jude!
Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Attitude Reconstruction

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Truths to support you in taking responsibility


What's my part in this? 
My job is to take care of myself.
My job is to create my own joy, love, 
         and peace.
My actions determine my outcomes.
I have choices.

I can do something about this. 
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for what I think,
       feel, say, and do.
I am responsible for my choices.
Everything will be all right. 
Check out the NEW content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website


Greetings Friends!


Every year over Memorial Weekend my town hosts the I Madonnari Italian Street festival. I've heard that it is the biggest event of its kind outside of Italy. Thousands of folks come watch talented artists draw these amazing chalk designs in front of the historic Santa Barbara Mission over the three days. With accompanying good food, local music, and never a raindrop year after year, we are treated to a lovely kick off to summer.


Here's an amazing two-minute video of the construction of this year's three day I Madonnari Festival! 


Taking Personal Responsibility vs Blaming

It's so easy to blame the outside world for what is happening to us rather than taking personal responsibility for our part in what's unfolding / or what is. We break our leg and it's the rough terrain's fault. We lose our keys and of course, someone moved them from where we left them. We're late for a meeting and there was an accident on the freeway or the dog threw up just as we were getting ready to leave the house.


When confronted do you defend yourself and your actions or look for your role? Do you make excuses rather than owning that you're responsible for for a meeting breaking up without a resolution because you weren't willing to compromise?  


Blaming as opposed to taking personal responsibility pervades virtually every area of our lives. It has become an epidemic! If we want to feel good about ourselves, we need to take responsibility for our words, our thoughts, our emotions, our choices, our parenting, our popularity, our actions....  It's easy to blame a parent or our childhood for why we do or did what we did, but it misses the point. It's not about pinpointing who is at fault. It's about recognizing that we are the responsible party. 


And why do we instantaneously blame the outside world when things don't fall our way? We're outward focused, due to the nature of our senses which take in the outside. But in addition, our focus automatically goes out to other people and situations when we experience anger but don't express it constructively. In a split second, our attention jumps FROM our self, our heart, and taking responsibility for what we have done, and pins the fault onto other people, things, and situations.



"OK, I admit it, we're lost, but the important thing is to remain focused on whose fault it is."


David Letterman Mans Up on Camera 


For a great take on this month's theme of taking responsibility vs blaming, watch this amazing video of David Letterman talking with Oprah about his affair.    

Three Steps to Taking Personal Responsibility:

1. Own what you did or are doing rather than making excuses and blaming forces outside yourself. This often requires dealing with your own emotions (sadness, anger, and fear) and constructively moving the emotional energy out of your body, so you can fully accept your part or mistake in the event at hand.

2. With this self-acceptance look within to determine what needs to be said and done to start to repair the situation or relationship. Check your strategy to be sure it resonates within as the best and highest thing to do to resolve the event.

3. Follow through with action in a heartfelt and respectful manner. Being late for a meeting can usually be covered with an apology. A major transgression, such as having an affair, will require significant time, energy, patience, and understanding.

                      "Larry, you can't blame everything on the media."

The Benefits of Taking Personal Responsibility   


If we want to feel more joy and love, we need to turn our focus 180 degrees and see what is our part in our current situation. We need to stay centered in ourselves and put the responsibility where it belongs. In Attitude Reconstruction, this is called sticking to our "I" rather than "you," aka, blaming the outside world for our condition.


And why is it so important to own our part? So we can be more conscious. So we can raise the vibration of our environment. So we can make good choices, rather than being reactive. So that we can communicate clearly, lovingly, and effectively. So we can act aligned with what we know within is best. So we are in charge of the amount of joy, love, and peace we feel.  

Here are some other good reasons:
* You feel your personal power, are more capable and strong

* You realize your own innate importance

* You realize honoring yourself is higher priority than someone else's emotional reaction

* You can lovingly stand firm even when your truth ruffles others' feathers  

* You speak up and do what you need to do, moving through fear, by aligning with your heart 

* You set goals and take small doable steps towards them    

* You shiver when you find opposition to speaking up but do it anyway

* You reach out for help when needed -- knowing that's just being human

* You're simply a lot happier and more connected to others and your world


A Timeless Parenting Video about Personal Responsibility
Check out a lesson about the consequences of our actions that Andy imparts to Opie (Ron Howard in his very early acting days) in this clip from the Andy Griffith Show which was on in the 60s.

Notable Quotes about Taking Personal Responsibility
"There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."
J. K. Rowling


"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."  

 Eleanor Roosevelt 

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."  
Theodore Roosevelt

"We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions."
Ronald Reagan

"Every excuse I ever heard made perfect sense to the person who made it. "  
Daniel T. Drubin

"As someone very sagely said during the trial of the Menendez Brothers: anytime your kids kill you, you are at least partly to blame." 
Elizabeth Wurtzel


"Taking personal accountability is a beautiful thing because it gives us complete control of our destinies."   
Heather Schuck

                       "You can't blame everything on being home-schooled by bank robbers."

Hey Jude,

Is it selfish to focus on myself rather than others?  


Absolutely not. I'm not talking about that ego, me-me-me stance of doing whatever we want without a concern for how our actions impact others. I'm talking about looking within ourselves and determining what our hearts say is highest or best and then doing that.   




I get so caught in bad moods and feel like I can't do anything about them. How can I start to take responsibility for my moods that seem to come out of nowhere?


Here's an article I wrote that lays out how easy it is to take responsibility and dispel a bad mood so you can get back to your center and uplift your world.
Well folks, that's a wrap. I hope you've enjoyed the read. Next month the topic will be "Intuition," because that's the source we need to contact to determine the constructive path of action. So stay tuned and opt for taking personal responsibility! Until then, may the coming month bring you copious experiences of  joy, love, and peace.