News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2014 please!

Attitiude Reconstruction  

May  2014                                                             Feelings vs Emotions
Emotions vs Feelings
The Distinction Between the Two
How to Express Emotions Physically and Constructively
The Two Kinds of Feelings
Most Professionals Don't Get It
2 Hey Judes!
Jude Bijou
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Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

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 I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese.

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Greetings Friends!


Spring is well upon us as you'll see by some of the photos I've included. Well in the last days, I had the almost impossible task of finding a funny video dealing with emotions and feelings. Since I couldn't really find what I was looking for, I settled with a video of a baby laughing to a rejection letter being shredded and another baby who can't help but dance to the catchy Gangnam Style song. Hopefully these two videos will put a smile on your face. They demonstrate the natural, physical expression of pure emotions. 


Laughing is a wordless physical expression for every emotion, except sadness -- though sometimes people laugh in the midst of crying when recalling a story about a loved one who has died. Nervous laughter is a release for fear. Sarcastic laughter is a release for anger. Genuine melodious laughter expresses joy and love. Opening your mouth and letting out the sounds of joy can open almost every door that's been closed to you. A peaceful chuckle indicates that we relish the humor and unfathomable nature of life. 


Before we get to the topic at hand, here's an ode to all the graduates. Everybody's journey is unique and this fellow's is particularly sweet. Check out the article from the LA Times




Why It's Important to Make a Distinction Between Feelings and Emotions


People tend to throw around a lot of words to describe their emotions or feelings. We're confused or we feel frustrated. We're hurt or we're excited. Whatever the label, deciphering feelings from emotions can be a bit perplexing. If we start by learning the difference there are big rewards: it pinpoints what's going on inside, so we can take personal responsibility and free ourselves from what's holding us back from living a fulfilling life.


According to Attitude Reconstruction, we only have six emotions: sadness, anger, fear, joy, love, and peace. Each has a unique spontaneous physical reaction. We can have hundreds of different feelings. Feelings are the labels we attach to our emotions. Emotions are physical. Feelings are how we describe and interpret these wordless physiological reactions.

The emotions of sadness, anger, and fear are the underlying emotions of every bad attitude and feeling. For example if I feel judgmental, it means I really feel the emotion of anger and I'm not accepting the way other people or situations are.


When we understand that the definition of emotion is "E + motion," energy in motion, things become simple. Emotions are physical. Feelings are mental. Feelings are created when we add an interpretation to the emotional physiology we are feeling in our bodies.    




Here's an example: say you've been under the weather but dread going to the doctor. Your stomach is in knots, and your hands are freezing. You start projecting into the future. "What if I have cancer? I won't be able to work. What will happen to the children?" You might call what you're feeling anxiety, nervousness, or stress, but what you're experiencing on a physical level is the emotion of fear. It's just pure energy.

How to Determine What Emotion You Are Feeling


If you check in on what sensations you are feeling in your body and determine whether it is sadness, anger, or fear, you'll feel an enormous relief because now you know the task at hand -- deal with sadness, anger, or fear. 




We can get to the heart of the matter and ask ourselves whether it is "sadness, anger, or fear"? Then we can move that emotional energy out so that we can handle what needs attention in a way that will increase the amount of joy, love, and peace we experience.   



Matilija poppy season is about to begin around So. California. They look like giant fried eggs! 


 How to Express Emotions Physically and Constructively 


Maybe you've heard this more than once from me, but in case you need a refresher, here's the basics. The most natural, clean, and direct way to get rid of the emotion is to express it physically and constructively in a safe place where nothing of value is destroyed. Just allow the body to do its thing. Do it with abandon and you'll feel so much better.

While you're moving out the physical energy, refrain from verbalizing or feeding negative thoughts. Just occupy your mind with what's true. In the case of sadness, while crying, it's "I feel sad. I just need to cry. It's okay." While releasing the anger in a non-damaging physical way, it's:  "I just feel mad. It's okay to feel angry. I just need to pound it out." When expressing fear and shivering, think or say "I'm just feeling scared right now. It's okay to shake it out. I'll feel better if I do."


Check out the links below for more details on how to get your emotions out:


         Sadness = Cry.                Anger = Pound/Kick/Stomp/Hit/Yell.                Fear = Shiver.



If emoting isn't your thing, you can use your mind to deal with sadness, anger, and fear.  With your thoughts you must do two things: interrupt your old mental chatter, (which only fans sadness, anger, and fear), and rigorously replace it with opposing thoughts. That means stick to thoughts that honor yourself (diminish sadness), accept other people and situations (offset anger), and are present and specific (lessen fear) and ignore the rest.

"Could you up the dosage? I still have feelings."

There Are Two Kinds of Feeling Words -- One is Fine. The Other is Trouble.
When you do use "feeling" words you've got to be careful because there are 2 kinds of feelings -- one legitimate and one bogus. The legitimate kind describe the way you feel. Bogus feelings are words that put the blame for your emotions on someone or something external.   
Bogus feeling words are called "ed" words because the vast majority of them end in "ed." For instance, if you say "I feel rejected" you are really saying "You rejected me." (That's why I feel so crummy. It's your fault). Or if you say, "I feel manipulated" you're actually saying "You are manipulating me." (A sure way to produce an argument.)

Just read down the lists and you can feel the difference! 

Feeling Words

Disguised "You"s



put down
















let down







taken for granted






































The moral. Pause and check to see if what you are saying is a descriptive word about how you are feeling or whether it is really blaming others for what you feel. The latter will not further conversations or make you feel more understood.


Doggies Know Emotions  
This nifty article demonstrates that dogs are almost identical to humans in reacting to emotions. So if you swear that your dog understands what you're going through, you're right! Now you have some research to back you up.

Professionals Still Don't Quite Understand Emotions and Feelings

I recently read an article by Dr. Ken Potts in the Chicago Daily Herald entitled "Constructively expressing emotions good for your mental, physical health." It sounded so similar to Attitude Reconstruction that at first I thought I wrote it. However, when it came down to telling readers how to handle their emotions the author dropped the ball.  

Dr Pott's strategy to express emotions constructively is to first identify what we are feeling by looking at our behavior. "For instance, if we are angry with our spouse ... we might notice we are talking with a cold, distant tone in our voice, our hands are clenched, and eye contact is difficult. Hey -- we're angry!..." (Jude says: That's a fine idea.) 
His second step involves accepting that it's normal to feel an emotion, such as anger.
"Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. Many emotions are uncomfortable. And there are probably a good many we'd just as soon avoid altogether...." (Jude says: Good, good.) 


His third step suggests that we can choose how to deal with them in a variety of ways, such as express our emotions to our target. (Jude says: Yikes! This doesn't work very well, because if we try to talk when we're feeling angry, it comes out as finger pointing and blaming.)  


Choose to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. (Jude says: That is a grand idea but often it's nearly impossible to do.)


Do a long hard workout. (Jude says: I contend that you never hear a child say, "I'm so angry. I'm going to go exercise!" Maybe vigorous exercise brings relief for a little while but only until you start to think about the person or situation again).

Children, before society puts the kibosh on them, have a meltdown or temper tantrum and then return to their happy selves. We can follow their lead and do the same.

"I've learned to express my emotions by writing instead."


Hey Jude,


1.  I know you sometimes suggest people hit old telephone books with a flexible hose, hard, fast, and with abandon to dissipate the anger energy. I'm afraid someone might hear me pounding and call the police. Is there something less noisy I can do?


Your ability to release anger will be compromised if you're concerned about the effect of the noise. I suggest you dedicate an area to your emotional fitness training. Where can you safely go and not disrupt others? The garage? Back bedroom? Have a little talk with the people living nearby so they don't think your life is in danger and become alarmed. If this feels too personal to share with a neighbor, reduce the noise by trading the telephone book for your mattress. Or try pounding the air, lying on a bed and thrashing your arms and legs, or shaking a door on its hinge.


2. I get really swept up in my emotions and they become my entire reality and overshadow enjoying the present. How can I work on maintaining perspective when I get caught in the grip of my emotions?

This happens to many of us. The best thing is to remember that we are not our emotions, but human beings experiencing a temporary emotion. So over and over, repeat the phrases below silently and aloud and see what happens.  

I am not my emotions.
I am not how I feel.
I am not my body.
I am not how I think.
I am whole and complete no matter what.

We all need to be conscious and check what we are feeling in our bodies, identify it as one or more emotions. Then give yourself permission to express it non-verbally, constructively, physically for just a couple of minutes. You'll feel much better and clearer and find your bad attitude ion it's way out. what a gift to yourself.