News and Tips from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


Experience More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2013!

Attitiude Reconstruction 

  bunnies march   
March 2013
In This Issue
Hey Jude
Speak up to Transform your Life and Relationships
Jude Bijou
+++ New Videos +++

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Attitude Reconstruction

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Attitude Reconstruction

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Inspiration & Tips



How to Communicate Simply, Lovingly, and Effectively


Saturday May 4, 2013 930 - 4:30pm


Santa Barbara Adult Ed Schott Center

310 West Padre, Room 28


Cost: $23.00


6 CEU credits are available for an extra 24.00


 to register: 

About Jude Bijou MFT


The daughter of pioneering behavioral child psychologist Sidney W. Bijou, Jude Bijou earned a BA from Reed College and an MA in psychology from Carleton University. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Santa Barbara CA, a teacher of communication through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education, and a longtime student of Indian Vedic philosophy. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction™ evolved from years of working with clients to help them lead more happy, fulfilled lives.  
Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life has won numerous awards and 
is receiving rave reviews. Her new ebook is 33 Bad Attitudes and What You Can Do With Them


Hello everyone,


March seems to be flying by. Here in Santa Barbara we've been treated to some "June Gloom," but thankfully temperatures have been in the low 70s.


Along with all the outward book activity and interviews promoting Attitude Reconstruction, I have managed to carve out extensive periods of quiet/me time.


It's true that I've always loved going inward but also realized this time, I was somewhat stuck. Fortunately I recently bid on and won a Bradford Keeney workshop in New Orleans in May, so I knew I'd kick into gear at some point. Keeney is someone I've been intrigued with since seeing a small column in a magazine about him and "Shaking Medicine." The article talked about the healing properties of shaking, parallel to the wonders of shivering I see with clients as they move fear out of their bodies. The direction Bradford Keeney is taking is steeped in ancient traditions, such as the Bushman of Kalahari, Indian tribal shamans, and Japanese Seiki Jutsu.


But last week an opportunity to try something new presented itself. Qigong with a genuine Qigong master, Master Li Jun Feng. I figured I might as well do the entire four-day class to really see if any of it would stick. And it would be a warm up for New Orleans. I'm sure it's going to drive me crazy, because I usually get confused trying to follow verbal and visual instructions for physical movement. Oh well, out of the frying pan and into the fire!


There is nothing like taking action to get out of a slump.   I already feel myself gathering momentum. I feel much better already and haven't even started yet. Stay tuned.





I'm pleased to unveil the HeyJude! column that will come standard in every newsletter. This is your chance to ask any burning question and hear Attitude Reconstruction's answers! If I use your question, I'll send you a matched set of snazzy Attitude Reconstruction pens.  


Here's the first Hey Jude! from a gal whose parents still can't help themselves from giving her their opinions on everything from child-rearing to the proper sports attitude.


Hey Jude!

My parents give me so much unsolicited advice. Even though they are often right, I automatically close off and 

tune them out.


Jude says: 

Their well-meaning 2-cents-worth is what I call, "you-ing." They are telling you about you without your permission. That's the opposite of the first communication rule, which is "talk about yourself" - stick to your "I." You-ing naturally elicits anger. They are out of their own back yard. If you aren't ready for or don't want feedback, it's counter productive.  


Your best strategy is to let those "yous" go flying by, be the matador, and don't allow yourself to get gored. More than likely, they are not going to change so the ball is in your court. Remember that you are just the target of their misplaced anger, that it's not personal, and that you are fine just the way you are. Blasting them back won't help. If you need to speak up, from a loving neutral space, say an "I," such as, "I know you're concerned about me, but I'm really not looking for input right now. When I need it, I'll let you know."


Click here to submit your question, and I'll give it my best shot.





Since we all want to feel understood (especially those of us with more anger than fear or sadness in our basic emotional constitution). Listening is one half of the equation for good communication. Speaking up in a constructive way is the other. An effective verbal exchange brings connection, as information and understanding is transmitted from one person to others. The following is my take on how to make that happen...






Men and women share the same reasons for not speaking up which include: 


*  I don't want to rock the boat  -- I want to keep the status quo

*  I don't want them to have any emotions - be upset, scared,       hurt, mad

*  I don't want to hear what they have to say because I'm angry     and when I'm angry, I'm convinced that my way is clearly         the correct way

*  I want to avoid conflict


But we pay a high price by stuffing it -- by going silent, stonewalling, and withdrawing. Read More



Check out the two new video clips of me speaking at the Cottage Hospital Grand Rounds recently. One is about dealing with anger; the other fear! If you really like it and know of any group or organization looking for a speaker, please let me know. I really enjoy spreading the word!


Give yourself, a loved one, or an enemy the best gift. Buy the Book, read it, and apply some of the simple tools. 

In case you didn't get the theme of this month's newsletter, I'm encouraging you all to speak up using "I," specifics, and kindness. You'll be glad you did.


Let me know what you think... or check out my website: 

Wishing you joy, love, and peace.