News and Tips from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™


Experience More Joy, Love, and Peace in 2013!

Attitiude Reconstruction  

February 2013
In This Issue
Hey Jude
How to overcome Procrastination
Jude Bijou

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About Jude Bijou MFT


The daughter of pioneering behavioral child psychologist Sidney W. Bijou, Jude Bijou earned a BA from Reed College and an MA in psychology from Carleton University. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Santa Barbara CA, a teacher of communication through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education, and a longtime student of Indian Vedic philosophy. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction™ evolved from years of working with clients to help them lead more happy, fulfilled lives. Her first book, Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life, has won numerous awards and is receiving rave reviews. Her new ebook is 33 Bad Attitudes and What You Can Do With Them



Growing up I so desperately wanted a guidebook that would instruct me how to be happy. Needless to say I never got it in my Christmas stocking or for my birthday. As I made it through my teens the black hole of emptiness resided within me. I was an untethered boat in some choppy waters.


And I was convinced that I was the only person feeling and thinking like I did. Everyone else seemed to know where they were going and fit in with the program of life.


It sounds like a familiar trite story you've heard a zillion times before. Well, that quest out of misery and into happiness was and is my guiding star.


Through the years I discovered that my unhappiness stemmed back to unexpressed emotions. And that even though I initially thought my thoughts and feelings were unique to me, I came to realize they weren't and that all our negative attitudes fall into a dozen tidy categories. These revelations into how we humans are wired are what compelled me to write my book -- a manual for 

creating joy, love, and peace.  


(Click here to view the twelve destructive attitudes and their constructive counterparts.)



Over and over, I'm reminded how important it is to stay specific. Each time I'm talking to radio hosts, interviewers, clients, or students, I point out that specifics govern everything from finance, architecture, and music, to computers, law, and medicine. But no one told us we need to stay specific in our communications! It's stunningly obvious once you hear it.


And let's look at the consequences of not staying specific: confusion, misunderstandings, overwhelm, anxiety. So I'm not going to get on my soapbox... but I do suggest you watch those "always" and "nevers," and the global labels, abstractions, and generalities.


A glorious and simple way to reduce FEAR and its costly side effects, (besides shivering, of course), is to stay specific and deal with one thing at a time.



I recently came across a frig magnet with this on it:  




This phrase was coined by Gurumayi Chidvilasananda as her New Year's messages in the mid '90s. Good wisdom is ageless! So when you get bummed at how your life is currently unfolding, remember to refresh your resolution and smile at your destiny.



In terms of moving forward with making Attitude Reconstruction available to the world, I've been doing a lot of radio interviews. Check out my website to listen to podcasts of yours truly. 


As well, my print articles are being well received both online and in print. My current pitch on procrastination seems to be relevant to about everyone. It has been picked up by many radio stations, newsletters, blogs, and other outlets such as The Street, Investor's Business Daily, Tech Republic, American Management Association International, etc etc. Little by little!



  Stop Procrastinating! Be Happy   


Everyone procrastinates. We usually do it to avoid a task that's unpleasant or daunting. But when procrastinating starts to cause us to feel worried, fearful, and stressed-out, then it's time to stop putting the task aside and get on with it.


Here is a failsafe way to get out of the quicksand of procrastination and reap numerous benefits, which include improved mood, less stress, a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.


1. Identify the situation.

First, write down the specific task you've been putting off. For example, "I have a report due next week." Writing down the task helps you dial in the job at hand.


2. Pinpoint your emotions.

What's preventing you from diving in to this task? It's one or more of three emotions. Perhaps, to use the above example, you're intimidated by the topic (fear). Or you're resentful about having to do this when you'd rather be doing something else (anger). Or you're bummed that writing isn't your thing (sadness). This step helps you see that procrastination is just an emotional reaction.


3. Deal with those emotions.

It's helpful to know that emotions are just pure energy in your body. Look at the word "emotion." It's energy in motion. Take some time in private to express your emotions physically and constructively. By crying to express sadness, punching or yelling into a pillow or stomping around to release the anger, or doing exaggerated shivering for the fear, you'll move the emotion. The energy dissipates and you won't feel stuck. It's like letting steam out of a pressure cooker.


4. Do some planning.

Good planning is the foundation of success for most any project. Start by getting clear on your goal. It's helpful to write it down so you have it for ready reference. Your goal is your beacon to keep you on track in treacherous waters. For example, "I want this off my desk." Your goal will keep you oriented and stay motivated.


5. Find some helpful "truths."

Identify sabotaging thoughts that are hanging in the wings, ready to pounce in a weak moment, then come up with a couple of truths to contradict them. For example if you continually tell yourself "I'll never be able to get this done," you might say to yourself, "I can do this" or "If other people can do this, so can I." To neutralize your frustration, you might say, "I'm doing this for me."


6. Break your goal into a series of small, doable steps.

Completing the task requires figuring out a doable step-by-step game plan and deciding when you'll get started. Write it down, schedule it, and commit to it. Plot out the elements that comprise each separate part of the task, including details such as what research you need to do, when you'll make an outline, and where and when you'll work on the project, and how long you expect each step to take.


7. Anticipate roadblocks.

Once you've created a game plan, step back and imagine challenges and obstacles that are likely to pop up along the way. For example, friends might text to invite you to a party during one of your designated work blocks. How will you keep on track? For every possible scenario, have a tactic ready for sticking to your plan. You may also want to find someone to support your efforts and with whom you can check in on a regular basis.


8. Take the leap.

Before you tackle the first little doable task, acknowledge your emotions--whether it's anger, fear, or sadness. Take just a minute or two and release the pent-up emotion in a physical and constructive way. Without the emotional energy dragging you down, you'll be amazed how easy it is as you just focus on one little, doable step at a time.


9. Battle resistance.

As you move through the task, you're likely to meet with resistance in the form of excuses, bad moods, and discouragement. Meet resistance with tenacity and continue to deal with any emotions that surface. Any time you feel tempted to bail, shiver for just a minute, then remember your goal. Say to yourself, "I can do this. One thing at a time." Say it over and over until you really remember. Then attend to the next little step.


10. Praise your little victories.

Getting through a daunting task is incredibly satisfying. Praise each step along the way. Remind yourself often that you'll feel incredibly virtuous when you get the task off your plate once and for all.


Accomplishing what you're avoiding will simplify your life. You'll feel more energetic. You'll sleep better at night.


Give yourself, a loved one, or an enemy the best gift. Buy a Book, read it, and apply some of the simple tools.

Let me know what you think about this article or any topics you'd like me to write about. Wishing you much joy, love, and peace.