Heavenly Malarkey           


Harry T. Cook

By Harry T. Cook
1/23/15
 

It was a story that you couldn't make up. And I don't mean young Mr. Malarkey's tale as told to his father about having made a round trip to heaven and back. Anyone could make up such a story, and who could disprove it?

 

The story you CAN'T make up includes the surname of the young boy itself: "Malarkey." The Messers Merriam and Webster define the word as accounting for insincere or foolish talk: bunkum. By his own admission, that is exactly what Malarkey the Younger's story was and is.

 

After a million copies of the Malarkey malarkey -- The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven -- swelled the exchequer at Tyndale House, a self-consciously religious publisher, its executives have ceased marketing and selling it, perhaps having become acquainted with the substance of Mitzvah No. IX: Thou shalt not bear false witness.

 

When will the book Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo -- a similar situation of a boy who allegedly experienced the Great Beyond, which only a Jonathan Swift or an H.L. Mencken could conceive and set down in prose -- be withdrawn? Despite the sorry fact that its has been on several bestsellers' lists for months on end, its contents surely rank right up there with the Malarkey hooey.

 

The learned doctors of the mind have told us for more than a century that the desire for food and sex constitute the basic human urges. That may account for a) the cookbook and television chef enthusiasms along with the tragic plethora of fast food emporia, and b) the huge pornography industry. What explains the almost universal longing for heaven and life everlasting?

 

And why do such books as referenced above cause people to part with their hard-earned money with the same alacrity as they would in ordering up a supersized Big Mac or taking a date to an XXX-rated movie as the prelude of a tryst to come?

 

A Big Mac can fill a stomach, a couple of explicit sex scenes can stimulate the libido sufficiently to lead to an evening of red-hot amour, but what does swallowing whole a couple of kids' adult-encouraged fantasies about cheating the Grim Reaper do?

 

This is not a theological question, by the way. It is a psychiatric one. It is so disappointingly obvious that death is biological extinction, save one's genetic deposit. The ancient Hebrew sages faced up to that reality in memorable fashion:

 

The Second Isaiah, in pondering his people's suffering in the exile, observed that "the grass withers, and the flower fades. Surely the people is grass."* The psalmist understood, and wrote: "The days of our age are threescore years and ten; and though men be so strong that they come to four-score years, yet is their strength then but labor and sorrow; so soon passeth it away, and we are gone. ... So teach us to number our days."**

 

I should like nothing better than to be assured that when I die I will be reunited with my parents, now dead 61 and 37 years, respectively. More passionately would I wish to be assured that my beloved wife, my four children and five grandchildren would one day join me in a glorious, everlasting reunion.

 

No evidence exists that could possibly lead a rational person to hope for such a thing. And for a religion to posit immortality, resurrection or everlasting life is to engage in devious intellectual dishonesty.

 

The truth of the matter, however, is that it rakes in the dough. Along with food and sex, heaven is a colossal moneymaker.

 

The institutions of Christianity are not guiltless in this fraud. Yes, of course, religious texts that are a couple of thousand years and more old speak of "heaven" or "heavens" -- in Hebrew שמים (shamayim), in Greek ουρανος (ouranos) -- denotes a metal arc, or curtain, or garment or window that separates the gods from mere mortals. Somehow out of all that, theologians who should know better have transformed "heaven" into a collection of cozy upper berths in a deluxe Pullman car that rolls forever through time and space, clean linen and all.

 

Again: I'd be all for it if it possessed a shred of reality. To be able to hold my wife's hand in mine in such a state as we recalled all that we have been together and somehow be able to be aware of the welfare of our children and children's children until they came one by one to be with us would be as magnificent a prospect as it is a hopeless one.

 

It is wrong -- I would say dead wrong -- for preachers to speak of heaven as if it were a sure thing, at least for those who behaved themselves and died in the good graces of the system with all pledged contributions accounted for.

 

What the late Martin Luther King Jr. called "the urgency of now" should be the underlying topic of every sermon as the planet is being made more inhospitable by global warming and climate change, as millions among its populations are suffering from hunger, dispossession and violence.

 

Dangling heaven before gullible congregants as a method of mind control is absolutely the deadliest in any catalog of deadly sins.

 

*Isaiah 40:7

**Psalm 90

 


Copyright 2015 Harry T. Cook. All rights reserved. This article may not be used or reproduced without proper credit.
 


Readers Write
Re essay of 1/16/15 The "Other" in Paris, Ferguson, Staten Island and Cleveland 
 
Fred Le Mescam, Newport, Queensland, Australia:
Thank you for your essays. I thoroughly enjoyed your insight and scholarship. I enjoyed the various comments made by your readership on essay 1/9/15 "One Nation Divisible." I have empathy with your readers when invited to include "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. I find I am unable, during Mass, to stand and repeat the Nicene Creed. However, I have no concern when my friends repeat the Creed as no doubt it gives them comfort. I suspect "under God" gives comfort to a large percentage of the American populace as it seems to imply "He/She" is in control. Also I would like to express my appreciation to Nicholas Molinari from New Jersey for his excellent commentary. No, you are not too pessimistic, Nicholas, you are in fact spot-on from my perspective. The use of the phrase "the Word of God" is used for control purposes and has with it the connotation "and you better believe it!!"

  

Tom Richie, Anderson, South Carolina:

Thanks so much for this. How we need the voice of reason, honesty, compassion, and responsibility.

 

Michael Fultz, Clarkston, Michigan:

Hatred and distrust of "other" people has been a driving force behind pretty much all of the conflicts and wars in the world since the beginning of time. The fact that the world is getting smaller via communication and transportation technologies just makes things worse; it's harder to avoid people we don't like. However, I think a lot of European countries will end up closing their borders to "outsiders" in an attempt to preserve their cultures and welfare systems. Although all humans mistrust and dislike "other" people, only the bad decisions made by the men that you mentioned led to their deaths at the hands of the police. Police officers are ordinary human beings; they aren't omniscient. Of course, the fact that police officers are ordinary human beings means that they need oversight, but it also means we need to give them the benefit of the doubt, because we ask them to do things we don't want to do ourselves.

 

Blayney Colmore, La Jolla, California:

Your point is poignant and critical to considering how we live with and respond to what is perceived as ruthless Islamic savagery. I am in the midst of an ongoing conversation with a Jewish friend who insists that we liberal gentiles are unable, or unwilling, to see extermination behavior for what it is. He doesn't disagree with your point that the vast majority of followers of Islam are not like those who have perpetrated the horrors. But he points out that if 1% do, that represents a huge number who can continue to wreak havoc. He also insists that those of us who have decried Israel's increasingly militant treatment of Palestinians, ignore the reality that a significant part of the Islamic and Arab worlds still have the extermination of Israel at the top of their agenda. I have said to him that, as a middle class American, white, gentile, I am constitutionally unable to believe there is a human conflict that has no resolution. And that if this one is, then the millennialists may be wrong in their timetable, but right that this could be the trigger that ends the planet's experiment with homo sapiens. Homo sapiens, indeed.

Denise Garfield, Dayton, Ohio:  

I think your Muslim contact summed it up well: fear and fear of the other. You did a fine job pulling all of that together. You often quote some poet about "man's inhumanity to man." That's the basis of all the violence you referenced.

 

Fred Fenton, Concord, California:

You quote the title of Isabel Wilkerson's opinion piece, "When Will the North Face Its Racism?" When we participated in the Selma March, my wife and I learned that racism is not confined to one section of the country. As soon as we returned to California hate messages began arriving. We were mailed pictures of massacred children and told this would happen to our child. Ugly telephone calls came at all hours of the day and night. One male voice, which sounded quite serious, said a bomb would be placed under our house. The sheriff's deputy who came to investigate laughed and said, "I'd like to see them try. The house is sitting on a cement slab." The next Sunday my sermon title was, "How firm a foundation." 

Elise Kaufman, Spokane, Washington:  

You are a prophet in the biblical sense. You see what is and call it what it is. I send your essays to about 100 people in my church. You would not be surprised to learn that some percentage of them disagree with you on a regular basis. You must be doing the right thing.

 

Wilbur Gardner, Albuquerque, New Mexico:

Thank you so much for your clear-eyed view of all the tragedies you wrote about today. The man was right, I think, about xenophobia. It's at the root of a lot of the world's troubles. "The Other," as you put it, can't help being seen as "The Enemy." Where does it end?

 

Tracey Martin, Phoenix, Arizona:  

No one is an island. In the obverse, we are each curtailed by the individual prisms through which we seek to find reality. We are, from that perspective, all "others" in some respects yet the same in other aspects. Initially, Martin Luther King was one of my "others." Not because he was black but because he seemed to me to be just another Southern Baptist preacher when he addressed the assembly of Michigan Education Association teachers in Detroit. Wasn't long before I started paying more attention. He was still an "other." But he was also the dynamic leader of a cause I had fully embraced. The one easily trumped the other.

Cheryl Voglesong, Royal Oak, Michigan:  

Great column today!

 

Richard Caruso, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania:  

Your synthesis of the recent violent events you referenced is of great help to those of us whose heads are awhirl with questions of how and why. Thank you for your clarity.

 

Harold Foster, Sydney, Nova Scotia:

I read your essay of January 16 minutes after I read the New York Times online and saw that your governor there in Michigan vetoed legislation that would have allowed known wife beaters to carry concealed weapons. Michigan gave us some good news today. Thank you for yours. And convey my thanks to the governor for his. Such a shortage of commonsense.

 

Janice Depew, Ames, Iowa:  

Yours is the first truly helpful analysis of the Paris tragedy and also sheds helpful light on the police shootings you wrote about. I can't say your essay made me feel better, but I can say and do say that being able to see how things fit together is of intellectual comfort. I'm still sad as sad can be about it all.

 

Josephine Kelsey, Ann Arbor, Michigan:

Well done. Right on target. You're on a roll. Keep going.

 

What do you think?
I'd like to hear from you. E-mail your comments to me at revharrytcook@aol.com.