In Keep a True Lent, we read that "The altar represents a fixed, definite center in the consciousness of man. It is a place within where we meet the Lord face to face and are willing to give up our sins, give up the lower for the higher, the personal for the impersonal..."

Every now and again (and probably more often than we notice), we receive opportunities to work through these lessons in our lives. I'm co-owner of a family business, and still have duties in that business. Last week I became very frustrated with one of our vendors, and by the time I reached the person in charge, I was extremely angry. Long story short? I behaved in a way that reflected none of my truly genuine intention to live my life in alignment with my spiritual beliefs.

I was still reliving that angry conversation the next morning when I sat down with my coffee and began my morning practice of reading, contemplation, and writing which leads into my time of prayer and meditation. I realized that I wasn't focusing on my practice; I was still making a case for being "right" in the previous day's conflict. I was distracted, unable to focus, and couldn't release the physical tension in my shoulders, my stomach, jaw, and even my scalp. The fruit of frustration and anger is not sweet!

Just because we can see and observe the ways that anger and condemnation are unhelpful, we aren't necessarily always able to instantly flip the switch that returns us to center. At that point, rather than return to the peaceful center within me, my ego-brain moved into self-condemnation: "So... this is how you integrate Spirit into work? Who are you to pretend to tell people how to walk their talk?" Now I was not only angry at the other person, I was lashing out at myself. The fruit of my actions was becoming even more bitter.

Suddenly, I understood very clearly what Jesus and Fillmore meant. When we approach our times of spiritual practice, our intention is to enter that "fixed, definite center in the consciousness ...where we meet the Lord face to face" I was completely unable to center myself. That point in consciousness where we commune with the Christ of our Being is peace, integrity, authenticity; everything that we would consider Good. Spirit/ God/ the Absolute does not change to allow anger and resentment to enter just because we are angry and resentful. We must align our human consciousness with It- Spirit does not realign itself with our temporary personality-driven moods. It cannot and we would not want It to; if It did, we would have no stable ground beneath us. We could not trust It.

Jesus wasn't ordering us to behave because he's so much better than we are. He wasn't giving us a useless hoop to jump through. He was serving as our Elder Brother, sharing helpful information with us: as long as we condemning others, we are condemning ourselves. If we wish to enjoy the peace, guidance, comfort and other, sweeter fruits of Spirit, we must be willing to release any negative thing we hold against others or ourselves. This is simply one of the ways in which Principle works, and if we wish to approach the altar in consciousness, we must adjust ourselves. We claim our Powers of Power (Dominion), Order, Elimination (Release) and Love: "I AM is the guiding force in my life. I allow my thoughts to be adjusted and harmonized with the One Mind which is God. I release the human need to judge others and myself. I lovingly surrender to the wise discernment of my heart, and I see from the perspective of the Christ I AM."

My own next step was made clear: I needed to apologize. My ego-brain didn't agree, but it is not the boss of me. I AM is the guiding force in my life. Finally, I could relax. Finally, I could return to the altar - that point in consciousness where I go within to meet the Christ of my Being- and resume my work. Even after several days, my ego-brain continues to ramble on in the background, still making its case that I was right and the other person was wrong. And...

I AM is the guiding force in my life. I get to choose the bitter fruit of being "right" or the sweet, nourishing fruit of Spirit. Guess which I prefer?